Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Tight-arse relative

10 replies

twilightnight · 02/07/2013 20:59

I'm going with away for a 1 week with my dd to Europe where my SIL lives with her two dd's. I'm going mainly for my dd because she loves being with them. The only problem is that I am winding myself up about the SIL because she is such a tight arse. We have taken the 2 away of them away, out for meals, here for sleepovers. Also, regularly invite them round for dinner. She never puts her hand in her pocket once. Doesn't even bring a bottle of wine. If we go out for drinks she will wait until we offer. She earns a good salary, but worries all the time about her future financially. Lots of people have money worries, I can't bear meanness. But I don't want to spoil the holiday. /emo/te/6.gif

OP posts:
Salmotrutta · 02/07/2013 21:10

How do you have them for sleepovers, round for dinner etc. if they live in "Europe" when presumably you don't? (Or you wouldn't have mentioned "Europe")

If it bothers you that much then don't go. Or make it clear you can only contribute to food shopping and do cheap activities because you have a budget.

Shutupanddrive · 02/07/2013 21:36

Don't let them wait for you to offer, tell them when it is their round etc or just pay for yourselves. 'Ill get this, you can get the next one' or something like that

ManifestoMT · 02/07/2013 21:40

I have a friend like that .she never puts her hand in her pocket if she can help it. She will manoeuvre her self so she is last to the counter, or goes to the loo when money is required. I play a game in my head I do not offer to pay for anything now and it kills me. i might duck under the table to find things when the bill comes. I now can be quite blunt by saying its your turn to pay. I do make a game of it but it does piss me off every so often.

Good luck and keep a score sheet in your head

NoelEdmundsWig · 02/07/2013 21:51

If you go out for a meal with someone and you don't want to pay for them then you should just tell them that you would like to split the bill beforehand. It really is as simple as that. All this I don't want to pay for them but I couldn't possibly tell them seems a bit daft.
Equally, if you want someone to bring wine to a meal or contribute to household expenses or whatever then tell them beforehand.

I do realise this is much easier said than done Grin

KeefRegina · 02/07/2013 22:49

I feel for you, my DC have quite a few tight relatives, they never get spoiled like their peers do by aunts and uncles.

Mine will do anything to get out of paying for anything.

I feel your pain.

Cherriesarelovely · 02/07/2013 22:55

We have a relative like this. I have learned over the years that he needs me to be very direct with him otherwise it never changes. I find it extremely frustrating because dp and I are both very generous and not at all mean and he has really taken advantage of that.

NannyPlumIsMyMum · 02/07/2013 22:56

Completely empathise.

Am peed off with a tight arse relative tonight too.

We are going over to visit them which has necessitated an overnight stay in a hotel - I couldn't find anything cheaper than a £100 - everything is booked up. Then we need to add cost of petrol on top .

We are financially struggling at the mo- she gets in touch and says that they have planned for us to go out for a pub tea on the one day and then go for a picnic on the other.

So after driving all that way , the expense of the hotel/petrol we now have to pay for our food and don't get to eat a warm meal in their house !

raisah · 03/07/2013 07:36

My BIL & SIL are like this and its annoying & makes you feel petty for keeping tabs.

Examples of selfish meanness:
will rush to the front of the queue to order and pay their own food whilst never offering to get you anything eventhough we have paid for them loads of tines. I adopt the same method now with them only.

  • they never share their food when we all go out for a picnic. They will position their blanket about half a metre away & eat by themselves. Their kids will hoover everything in sight from everybody else but a crumb is not offered to my or anyone elses dc.

  • They always visit but they never reciprocate invitations. The last time I went was three years ago when I was pregnabt with my dd. I have stopped inviting them, they invite thenselves round & I welcome then but I dont ask specifically anymore.

  • went round to their house once whilst I was
    pregnant, they all got their lunch & didnt offer me a even a glass of water for two hours. In the end I left.

raisah · 03/07/2013 07:48

My advice to the op would be to pay for own food tickets. With tickets its quite simple because you can book online & just collect on arrival or have them delivered.

For food if its a restaurant, after you give the waiter your order ask them to put it on a separate bill. Then its clear to everyone that the next food order will be on a separate bill.

Always talk about money problems (real or not) in front of her so she knows that not everyone is minted.

purplemurple1 · 03/07/2013 07:49

I think I'm to tight esp when staying with family, but just need people to be straight with me. Its not that I don't intend to pay but I don't always realise the inconvience/cost I'm causing is more than they can afford. if she earns OK money she may also just not realise what she is doing.

Just tell her when she (her kids) are at yours, and you can set the tone on this viist by asking would she prefer X amount for your share of the food or for you to go out and buy X amount of dinners. Same with days out just pay for youself and DD, offer half the petrol and make a point of saying this is the only fair way as you don't have cash to fund them.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page