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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Ramadan

23 replies

Bobyan · 02/07/2013 17:31

My Ds is having a birthday party to which his whole class has been invited. One child has declined the invite because it is Ramadan.
Would I be unreasonable to suggest that they could come and leave before the food is served (in a separate room)? Or is that a religious insult? Be gentle I'm totally ignorant on if i'm being insensitive to suggest this...

OP posts:

mrsjay · 02/07/2013 17:34

IF he has declined because of ramadan respect that and have him round when it is over i think because it is a religious thing perhaps they prefer to be at home ( i have no idea really)

LastTangoInDevonshire · 02/07/2013 17:34

I didn't think Ramadan applied to young children, elderly infirm and people with medical problems. How old is the child?

Original poster

Bobyan · 02/07/2013 17:35

He's 5, hence my confusion...

OP posts:

gordyslovesheep · 02/07/2013 17:36

they will probably have family events organised or be attending prayers - nothing to do with food I would imagine

HerRoyalNotness · 02/07/2013 17:37

If the party is going to the early evening, could he join in later when food can be served to him? This would be better than him having to leave early to avoid food.

Maybe it's more than the food issue though. Best thing is to ask his parents about it.

SuperConfused · 02/07/2013 17:39

That's a bit young for it to be a food thing. I don't think you'd offend with the suggestion. Ramadan, based on what I've been told by colleagues, is a celebration, it's not like lent despite the fasting, it's not meant to be a time of mourning. Its possible they don't like the children eating party food in the day, but generally small children and the elderly don't fast.

littleducks · 02/07/2013 17:42

At 5 it is unlikely he is fasting, especially since this year the fasts are long. When they said its Ramadhan they probably meant it in a wider context, that they will be busy with family/community events may have relatives to visit or coming to stay and generally have other plans. They probably thought it politer to explain than say 'we are busy'

flipchart · 02/07/2013 17:42

Why don't you chat to the boy's mum and get her opinion.
I'm sure she would be happy to enlighten you on their customs and practice.

SaucyJack · 02/07/2013 17:45

I'm erring on the side of YABU, and this has nothing to do with it being Ramadan.

They've (hopefully) politely declined the invite AND given you a reason for doing so. End of story really.

"No" is a complete RSVP.

mrsjay · 02/07/2013 17:46

hey will probably have family events organised or be attending prayers - nothing to do with food I would imagine

thats what I thought they would have their own stuff going on I think Ramadan is more than just not eating during the day

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 02/07/2013 17:48

It may be that they view Ramadan as a time of spiritual reflection so wouldn't want to attend a party at that time.

Or it could be that they are committed to go to family or friends for the meal to break the fast and the timing doesn't work for them.

mrsjay · 02/07/2013 17:50

YABU though they did say he couldnt come it really doesnt matter the reason

justanuthermanicmumsday · 13/07/2013 00:15

Moi muslim as other posters said most likely its due to the busy schedule, and depends what time you have the party?

another muslims technically aren't supposed to celebrate birthdays, sounds odd in this country i know but its really not enouraged. But yet still unlikely as most muslims I've met do celebrate birthdays to fit in with their friends usually and the cultural norms of their birthplace, which is understandable.

Conclusion, most likely a hectic schedule due to ramadan.
I have a 6 year old she was adamant she would be fasting i was like no way you're not old enough so why put yourself through it, she lasted all of 1 hour when she smelt the french toast i was making for her brother loool. So i doubt this five yr old child is fasting.

We have such intelligent posters here they mentioned spiritual reasons. They could be right, spiritual contemplation may also be behind the refusal, i mean ramadan is only once a year, and parents like to get their children involved so they love it and when eventually they do fast they don't detest the whole idea because it they were spiritually and mentally prepared from a Young age. Damn wish i was my parents did that, they just said right you're old enough you're fasting this year :o So it was darn hard for me.this year has been the easiet so far strange coz its the longest.

fortifiedwithtea · 13/07/2013 00:27

Yabu, respect that the party invitation has been politely declined.

DD1 friends (teens) fast and it's tough going. School allows them to miss P.E so they can conserve their energy.

WilsonFrickett · 13/07/2013 00:31

Little kids don't fast, however eating celebration food (as you would at a birthday) doesnt really sound right. And then trying to peel a small child away from a party as the food is being served... That doesn't sound much fun either.

Just leave it. You asked, invite was declined. It's fine.

DioneTheDiabolist · 13/07/2013 00:32

Op, I don't think YWBU to ask if there is anything that you can do so that the child could attend. If they say no, at least you asked.

sashh · 13/07/2013 07:10

Send him the party bag, check with the parents first but it should be OK.

In my experience people are happy to explain aspects of their faith (what ever faith) particularly when it is something like this, that is useful to know.

Jinty64 · 13/07/2013 07:43

I think if they have declined the invite then you should just accept that. You could give a party bag or similar to his mother for him after the event and she can decide if she wishes him to have it.

I have an invite I am about to decline because I don't want to go. I am not going to put this but will make an excuse to be polite. I will be annoyed if I am pushed to attend (I'm sure attempts will be made).

pigletmania · 13/07/2013 07:45

Just leave it, you invited, tey declined

Hissy · 13/07/2013 07:45

Erm, Muslims not celebrating birthdays?

In egypt the parents get ridiculously uber competitive about who can out-do the last party. The WHOLE families go, both of hosts AND invited guests.

Hissy · 13/07/2013 07:47

It'll probably be that the child and his parents will be out at a family member's home elsewhere, or his parents will be too busy cooking all day to take him.

I believe kids start fasting from 7, but in the run up, they are often expected to do mini-fasts to prepare them and introduce the concept.

TroublesomeEx · 13/07/2013 07:48

Surely if someone declines an invitation you just accept it. Whatever their reasons are. I'm sure if it was as simple as putting him in a different room whilst the others eat his mum would be quite capable of requesting that herself.

However, it's not going to be that because 5 year olds don't fast.

I don't think I've ever tried to coerce someone into accepting an invitation by trying to second guess why they've declined it and then offering solutions to their reasons.

That just sounds a bit odd to me.

Whothefuckfarted · 13/07/2013 08:46

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