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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Was I UR? (wedding related)

38 replies

SparklyVampire · 02/07/2013 14:46

A bit of background so not to drip feed, I haven't spoken or seen my Father in 4 years except for the occational message on Facebook, He has never met my Fiancee (together 3 years) he doesn't know the name of my children (aged 11, 8 and 1). It's always been this way since I was a child he has always been more interested in his latest woman and her children to care about me or my brothers.

Fast forward on a few years and he has another child, this one he actually raises and dotes on. Any conversation with him from then on was about his DD, I don't remember him even asking anything about me.

Now I am getting married in 3 weeks, DP and I don't have a ton of cash so decided to keep it close family only. I invited my father to the wedding, he immediately asked my stepmother (who I dislike and haven't spoken to in years) and his DD and half his side of the family. I told him I have to keep numbers low and besides which why should I have to pay for people who I don't see or even like.

He said Im selfish and that his DD will be heartbroken, ( she is 17 now). I honestly doubt this as we barely know each other. Anyway I made it clear it would be him only, now he is laying on the guilt trip. Im starting to feel like crap about it. Im 30 years old and he can still make me feel like a naughty child.

Thank you if you got this far and sorry if it makes no sence, but AIBU? because im starting to doubt myself.

OP posts:
ThisIsMyRealName · 02/07/2013 15:55

YANBU to invite whoever you like, but whats the reason you barely know his other DD? That seems a shame as she is your half sister and it's not her (or your!) fault that your dad is a dick.
TBH from what you've said, I'd be tempted just to tell your dad that he can bugger off and his DD can have his place. (Though i realise there may be some other reasons you're not close to her that you haven't mentioned...If so feel free to ignore me Blush )

ThisIsMyRealName · 02/07/2013 15:56

Ah, great minds zillion Wink

YellowDinosaur · 02/07/2013 15:56

She's not treating her half sister unfairly at all! You'd have a point I'd this was a huge wedding with the world and his wife coming.

This is a small intimate wedding for close family only. The op barely knows her half sister so she doesn't fall into that category.

Op, stand your ground.

LadyHarrietdeSpook · 02/07/2013 15:58

Send us his email and we'll take care of it for you. Wink He's being a wanker.

nenevomito · 02/07/2013 15:59

No YANBU at all.
If he says he won't come without them, then you have your answer as to whether the man is a waste of space or a total waste of space.

YellowDinosaur · 02/07/2013 16:00

The op has said very clearly about her half sister that 'we barely know each other'

The whys and wherefores of this are not relevant (although it's hardly surprising that given that she hasn't seen her father for 4 years she wouldn't have seen his dd either who would have been 13 4 years ago). This girl, half sister or not, can hardly be called close family in these circumstances can she?

I'd argue the same for her Dad but obviously the op had her reasons for wanting to invite him.

LandaMc · 02/07/2013 16:01

He said you're being selfish? Tell him that traditionally the dad pays for a girl's wedding, that should scare him!

More seriously I would retract the invite by sending him a text or note - he sounds like the sort of person who'd make pointed comments on the day and you don't need that.

Have a wonderful wedding :)

WouldBeHarrietVane · 02/07/2013 16:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ChocsAwayInMyGob · 02/07/2013 16:07

He's bullying you OP.

You've made nice and he's adding all sorts of conditions and then insulting you when you don't do as he wants.

Do you want a bully at your wedding? Make your wedding a new start. You don't need toxic people in your life.

Don't feel guilty about your half sister. It's neither her fault nor her problem.

Original poster
SparklyVampire · 02/07/2013 16:17

Thank you this actually made me feel a lot better and I will now put my foot down and not give in. With regards to my sister I know it isn't her fault and I wouldn't lay the blame at her door at all. My dad was very much an irregular part of my life growing up, he turned up when he felt like. He lived quite far away from us, I only saw my sister a couple of times a year. My stepmother was a bit of a cow and made it clear we were not welcome when we went, so I haven't exactly made much of a an effort to get in contact either.

OP posts:
MrsBungle · 02/07/2013 16:18

Yanbu. He sounds v similar to my dad though my dad didn't have anymore children after my brother and me. I thought long and hard about inviting him to my wedding. Like you I just felt it rude and unkind not to - I'm always mindful of him even though he's a dick-head!! No idea why.

Anyway I didn't invite him in the end. I decided I'd be happier and less stressed without him there.

If I were you I'd retract his invite and enjoy your day with people who won't stress you out! I hope you have a brilliant wedding Thanks

SmiteYouWithThunderbolts · 02/07/2013 16:23

I would rescind his invitation in all honesty. You don't need someone like him on such an important day in your life.

I bowed to pressure and invited my dad. He proceeded to guilt trip me into also inviting his dad and stepmum, his half-brother and his fiancée and son, AND my grandad's niece with her two kids. That's seven extra people just from asking him. Wish I'd had the balls to tell him to sod off.

facedontfit · 02/07/2013 17:40

Uninvite him. He doesn't deserve the title father.

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