To have the hump with DH?

[Flossbert]

He's going on a stag this weekend for 2 nights. I guess it's about 50 miles away, and he's staying in a hotel both nights. What has been 'organised' is shit in DH's opinion - it's just a chain restaurant dinner, bar crawl, watch rugby. Basically nothing that you can't do in our home town. The groom is by no means a close friend, although they were in the same football team a few years ago. DH and a friend of his have gone a bit off piste and are staying in a nicer hotel, will probably break off to eat in nicer restaurants and so on. (I think this friend is a complete bell end and the last time the two of them were out together they ended up at a strip club)

We have a 3 yo who is being a PITA and particularly at bed time at the moment, and a 5 mo who wakes twice a night. Bedtimes are always fraught even with both of us - I am dreading doing it on my own.

To top it off, although this isn't really DH's problem, my mum, dad and sister are all on holiday, the bastards. It's them that I normally turn to to break up the weekends when DH is inevitably working and I'm trying to avoid going crazy.

AIBU to think that he should just sack it off, at least for one night?

UANBU to want him to shorten it by one night, fair compromise I think. He gets to have his stag that isn't really a stag and wtf is it with more than one night these days anyway.

I don't really see why he's going either, if he's not even going to stay with and eat with everyone. What's his rationale for going?

I definitely think parents should still be able to go away, but when it does impact on the other person then I think it's fair to limit it to things you really want to do.

Have you asked him to consider not going?

I think yabu, since its now booked and plans have been made.

If you can't cope I think you should have made this point earlier on rather than a few days before.

Its one weekend, whats the big deal?

Coping with 2 kids for a weekend really doesn't seem like an issue to me. Don't you have any friends you can see if you really need to see people for the weekend?

I agree that one night would be a good compromise though.

YABU as he has already made his plans now you expect him to change them. Plus he would be letting down the friend who he is sharing the hotel with. On the other hand I don't really understand why he is going if he hardly knows the groom, is staying in a different hotel and will be doing other activities without them. Is it the idiot friend that is worrying you more and are using the not coping thing as an excuse to persuade him not to go?

I would say its booked and done now. If you wanted him to stay you needed to speak up earlier. And your husband is obviously intending on salvaging a weekend away out of the stag, which is nice, and fair enough, but I do hope you'll get to do something similar another weekend.

I haven't asked him outright not to go - I suppose I want him to offer to stay - but I did say this morning that I didn't really understand why he was still going. He replied that he should go because he made a commitment, which I understand, but it seems that the commitment is to bellend rather than groom.

Also, I didn't twig that my family were away at the same time until this weekend just gone. I appreciate that that isn't really his lookout though.

As long as everyone's miserable, eh?

I think you might be right Crinkle. If it wasn't for this other guy and the fact that the two of them are going off together I probably wouldn't be feeling resentful.

YABU. It is just one weekend.

Having said that, I have no idea why your DH is staying somewhere else and planning to eat somewhere else on what is meant to be a group weekend

What do you mean bruxheur?

OK, I'm going to accept that IABU (damn you all!) and concentrate on planning enough activities to totally wipe out the 3yo so she's too exhausted to battle me at bedtime. And stock up on chocolate!

YABU but totally understand why you aren't looking forward to it!

"I haven't asked him outright not to go - I suppose I want him to offer to stay - but I did say this morning that I didn't really understand why he was still going. "

He's not psychic.

"He replied that he should go because he made a commitment, which I understand, but it seems that the commitment is to bellend rather than groom."

He has indeed made a commitment - and it's to the groom and the "bellend".

He wasn't to know that you'd be having kiddie-troubles when he made the commitment. It's sad that you're struggling, but if you don't make what you want CLEAR, then he ... won't know what you want him to do.

A one night stay would be the compromise, but if he doesn't know you want a compromise, how the heck can he "offer" you what you want?

YABU. He made a commitment to go out and unless you're really ill or for some reason need him to stay, then he needs to honour that. He's not going to offer to cut his weekend short unless you talk to him and explain the problem. However, I wouldn't expect him to want to change his plans anyway - it's just a weekend and I'm sure you can cope, frustrating as it is!

Agree totally with DarkWinter. Think your DH is on a losing wicket, as you haven't asked him for what you want.

Don't you have any friends locally who you can see over the weekend?

I'm just thinking that if the shoe was on the other foot, I totally would not hesitate to offer to curtail the weekend and only go for one night. So why doesn't DH?

Anyway, I've accepted that IABU and maybe I expect too much of DH psychic-ability-wise. There are friends that I could see and am now trying to plan a picnic and other jollities and a weekend away for myself next month

Definitely take a weekend for yourself!

I do really know what you mean. I remember once when DH went away and I was struggling a bit with DS (we were both sick) it helped a lot knowing that at least it was for something good, he was away seeing one of his best friends in a lovely place and having a great time. If he had just been down the road doing nothing special, it would have been a lot more irritating.

Everything will be fine, just try to take it a lesson learned for the future -- speak up more and earlier about what you want.

Flossbert, he probably hasn't even thought of it! You need to ASK him.

I heard the weather is going to be great this weekend. Maybe think of something to do that you love and DH hates - and you can do it guilt free!

Def plan a weekend away next month too. It will be good for DH to look after the children on his own too, so that he can appreciate what you have done this weekend!

"I'm just thinking that if the shoe was on the other foot, I totally would not hesitate to offer to curtail the weekend and only go for one night. So why doesn't DH?"

I'll explain then. It's because you and your DH are not the same person. Expecting HIM to do what YOU would do (and without telling him to boot) is ... rather insane.

Definitely make sure he pays you back though, and HE looks after the kids whilst you get time for yourself.