To want to move house because of this? (horse related)

[probablysilly]

We bought our house a few years ago. It does not have any land with it so I rented a field from a local farmer for my horse. It isn't a great field and I can only use it for about 6-7 months a year. Over the years he has changed his (originally friendly attitude) and has started asking me to pay more for the field and rent it all year (I originally rented it weekly/monthly as I used it). The field is right beside my house and wasn't really good for anything before he started renting it but now it's prime land afahic.

The problem is that there are some other women renting land from him for their horses and he is basically playing us off each other. They don't live nearby (it's on their commute) and he seems very keen to keep them so he makes allowances for them that he doesn't for me. (different rental terms etc)

They want to rent the field that I usually use (bigger and flatter than theirs) and now the farmer is trying to bid us up against each other. They'll win at this game because they can afford to pay more. It's just made me so upset and angry. I won't have anywhere nearby to keep my horse and tbh that will probably mean that I will have to sell him because I couldn't afford the huge livery fees all year round. Then I'll have to watch them and their horses in the field everyday. :( What makes it worse is that I was the one that mentioned to them that the farmer had land to rent in the first place. So I brought it on myself!

I know this is such a silly problem but it has really upset me. The horse is my one luxury. I'm a SAHM and I don't really have much spare cash. I have dreamed about owning one all my life and now I feel like my dream is just being ruined by all this. I have been crying so much about it that I think DH thinks I'm slightly mad!

We know this isn't our forever house but now I just feel like I want to get out of here ASAP because I just feel so miserable. The problem is, that with the market the way it is, we probably won't sell for a while and we've just had some work done so we can't really afford to just knock down the price to speed it up. I just feel so trapped and sad.

Feel free to tell me how unreasonable I'm being and that I should count my blessings etc. We do actually have a lot to be thankful for but this just keeps overshadowing it at the moment.

Doubtful, he's still very green so I don't really want lots of different people riding him. It's also one of the problems with moving him away - it really cuts down on the amount of time I have to work with him.

akiss They aren't switching fields - they want this one in addition to the one they have so they can rotate

That's really shitty of them then, especially as you were the one who told them about the field.

Do they realise you might have to sell your horse?

It must be upsetting as it is a) on your doorstep and b) you blame yourself for mentioning to these women. Drop the blaming yourself - they could have coome along anyway, nothing you can do now.

You appear to have thought through all the reasons why you cannot, or do not want ,to do some of the suggestions on here.

I think the biggest no-no would be moving because of this though...I guess you know that really. So, deep breath.. Stiffen shoulders. Pep talk yourself.

Focus on one thing. What do you want as an outcome? To keep your horse? None of the suggestions here seem perfect from what you are saying...but which is the least worst compromise? Horse sharing? Cutting back on something to be able to afford it?

I think YANBU to want to wallow a bit and be pissed off but YABU to not shake off the wallowing, accept something as to give and move forward.

AKiss, I haven't said to to them that it's that extreme but they really wouldn't care. I agree that it's pretty shitty. You made me smile!

Fishfingers - thanks. I do need a pep talk. I think I'm just going to have to suck up the distance thing and try to rent something a bit further away. It will be a nuisance but I will think of it as a temporary solution. DH and I were just chatting again and, aside from horses, we do want to move again soon so we're going to focus on getting our house finished and getting it on the market. Feeling a bit more positive.

Thanks everyone! I have to say, this has probably been the nicest AIBU I've ever seen :)

Definitely worth thinking about moving if you can. I'm a dog breeder and would move before getting rid of any of my dogs, no question about it. If you're in the process of starting to move, could you consider picking up some extra work in order to cover the livery costs you will need to pay until you get settled? Even taking in some ironing, or babysitting, or stacking shelves at night would be worth it to keep him. And if you know it's going to be an interim thing, it won't be too bad, although it may be difficult in the short term.

It is worth putting signs up outside every corner store, pub, service station, school noticeboard (even in the newsletter), feed store and any other place in town that doesn't mind you sticking up piece of paper up, asking to rent some paddock space. I had never even considered renting my back paddock out until I saw a sign with big red writing on it and a photo of two sad looking children with a pony saying that he would have to be sold if a field can't be found to keep him. I don't make any money out of it, but the father moves all my heavy dog training equipment once a fortnight (monthly in winter) and mows that field for me, so it all works out in the end. I'd never thought about it until I actually saw the sign begging for space. Anything is worth a try.

And if you are moving, try and find somewhere with enough space of your own! Nothing like not having to answer to anyone anymore when it comes to your animals and you can't be evicted.

Good luck OP. Do whatever you have to do to keep your horse!

Any chance of putting up a stable in your garden?

You'd have to ride more, I guess, to compensate for the exercise he wouldn't be getting.

Midnite, yes, a bit of extra money could be very helpful. I'll just have to juggle a but so I'm not trading too much horse time for work - I don't get very much free time as it is! Something that I could do from home would be good...hmmm

Heath, I think my husband would divorce me :) Seriously though, it would be a bit cramped, not to mention incredibly mucky!

Why does your horse have to go into livery in winter?

Could you put up a movable field shelter and/or use more rugs so that you can keep him in the field?

has a cob that is very rarely rugged and lives out all year

Those other women sound too bad to be true - are you sure you're not misjudging how callous they are?

Presumably you knew them somehow before this arrangement started, to give them the tip?

The field floods in the winter Blessed. It's really not a great field at all tbh. I don't know why I'm so attached to it aside from it being beside my house!

I knew them when I was much younger IsIt - we used to ride in the same place. A few years ago we ran into each other at a show and we got talking. I probably am painting them as horrible people (skewed perspective!). They are obviously just trying to get the best situation for them and their horses and it doesn't really matter that I just happen to live next to the field that they want. If they can pay for it, why shouldn't they have it?

If he's young/green how about turning him away somewhere on grazing livery/retirement type grass livery there are normally a few of those around ire within a distance of still seeing them a few times a week.

I fully sympathise with this situation as I've been there myself with my horse. I kept mine by really scrimping and saving when I was a SAHM. I would have gone mad without my horse.

I still need to work with him a lot Euclase so I don't want him to be too far away.

I've just realised that if I sell the field shelter I'll have a bit of extra money to pay for livery for a while :) feeling more positive now.

I'm going on a field hunt

I know how you feel. I've just been outbid on a house that backs onto my sisters yard where my 2 live. I am gutted lol, but thats life. The dream of looking out of my back window to see my ponies happily grazing will come true 1 day.

As well as all the other suggestions you have had, contact your local council and ask to see if they have any grazing land available for short term rent. Our council has about 20 pockets of land around the borough that they rent out. The cost is a lot cheaper than renting from a farmer. And tends to be more permanent.

Drive/ride around your local area. Every field you come across that looks suitable find the land owner and ask. Shy kids get nowt. Worse they can say is no.

Also put notices up in tack shops etc. If money is an issue then offer to help someone else in exchange for reduced livery. For instance, offer to do the morning or afternoon checks. Many people who work would love an arrangement like this as it not only saves time, but also fuel costs if the horses aren't on the way to where they are going.

Also put notices on the FB pages of local riding clubs and use word of mouth. There are lots of hidden little yards around that don't advertise for whatever reason!

The field sounds a bit pants to be honest and apart from the fact its next to your house, hardly ideal. You will find with company your young, green horse will thrive as well. They don't like living alone and it does them no good long term in my opinion.

And although when you are horsey your world revolves around your horses try not to let it. Its not healthy! I know its difficult sometimes to see reason but horses should be a healthy part of your life, not take over completley lol (as she gazes adoringly at the piccys on the wall).

An with regards to looking out the window at someone elses horses console yourself with the fact that when its cold/wet/windy/flooded its not your boy you are feeling guilty about and dithering over rugs on/rugs off etc.

I'd love mine within touching distance of the garden gate but I really wouldn't get anything done at all I know!

You could loan him for a bit of money. I loan my beloved horse for 1 day per week and pay 70 quid per month all incl.

frouby - that's a shame about your house. I hop you find your dream home soon.

Thank you for all the suggestions. I hadn't thought about calling the council.

You're right - the field is pants! :) I am going to focus on finishing this house and soon I will be able to find a lovely place with my own field and my own stables (and maybe my own floodlit sandschool ). This could very easy change into an equestrian property porn thread! Shall we all post links to our dream houses? :)

wow - way too many smileys in my last post!

Drunken, I'm not sure about letting someone else ride him right now. I think if I was going to loan him it would be to one person. I don't want him getting confused.

I mean loan him completely to one person - so only one person is riding him.

I have horses myself and have a field of my own and have rented fields previously too. I have to say renting is a thundering pain in the arse. Landowners will always find something to complain about and will try to bounce you off other offer etc. If you can, sit down with DH and have a good chat about it. Your horse is your little bit of me time and I can completely understand that selling is not an option. Perhaps have a little look around at houses with a few acres to them, you don't have to get one with stables already up, there are some great wooden ones out there. Bear in mind though that a 2 acres won't be enough to graze on so you will need to buy more hay. You wouldn't be able to ride him in the field and graze him there so would you be doing road work so if you got a house near to a riding centre you could maybe hire out their arena or if there wasn't one nearby you might have to transport him there. DO you have a horsebox?

Yes, I have a horsebox so transport not a(nother) problem thankfully!

I thought 2 acres would be plenty for one horse though as long as it is managed well. (and doesn't flood!)

Unfortunately not, especially with the weather the UK and Ire has had the last couple of years. My own land is 10 acres and I didn't have proper grass growth til May this year, v v v late and usually grass growth peaks in May and wanes til another burs in September but for a shorter period. May is when it is at it's best nutritional value. Ideally they should be off the pasture around October to give it a chance over the winter. I keep one paddock for winter and let them plough it up to shite. It is about 2 1/2 acres and they do turn it into a bog (there where 2 of them on it last year. I did have the stallion in a 2 acre paddock all winter and while he didn't turn it into pure muck bar for the gateway, there was no grass on it and he was fed out on coarse mix and hay. Because he was on it all winter, it was very slow to recover this year. I have one paddock that has been left for 2 months and I will be moving three animals into it next week and I only expect it to last 3 weeks maximum with them on it. I do no riding in the field. I have a little yard with 6 stables, a sand ring and a little 1 1/2 acres turnout so at least I have some facilities which is your main sticking point. Ideally then, what you would be looking for is a house with a little bit of land, maybe 3 acres and you can put up a stable after and maybe turn the horse out for a few hours in the day to try and keep your grass. There may even be potential to rent more land somewhere nearby then. Worth getting out and having a look. Where you are is causing misery.

That sounds lovely jemstipp.

Ok, so 3 acres minimum then. Ideally with stables and a bit of a yard/turnout area. We've had the same issue with the grazing this year. I had to move him out at the end of October and he didn't get back into it until end of April and tbh it's still a bit wet in parts now. I've had to fence them off.

I'm really glad I started this thread. I've been obsessing so much about how convenient it is that I forgot how crap it actually is! I will find somewhere nicer that will do me for the next few months/year and then all will be sorted! :)

Oh, good luck probably. You deserve your horse and I hope it all turns out well.

It's hard to feel strong and purposeful when your (simple but expensive) dream is under threat.

Good on your dh for supporting you, cos goodness knows husbands don't always "get" the horse thing.

If you are anywhere near Derbyshire I have some land available if you need to park your horse somewhere for the short term.