Need advise on grandparents involvement

[Charlietango40]

Me and my 3 children were at my mother in law's today and my son (9) took 2 biscuits out of her cupboard and sat down and started eating them. He did this recently and on that occasion I told him he was to ask his grandmother first if he was allowed one. On that occasion she said no he didn't need to ask. So I said please don't go against me I want him to grow up with good manners. Today I told my son he needed to ask first and then she said to him 'you don't need to ask, it's my house and you're at home'
My concerns are that he would not be showing her respect by just helping himself and that she is not showing me respect by ignoring my wishes as his parent.
This time I said nothing but I'm not happy with this situation. Any ideas?

Lots of different places and establishments have different rules and standards of behaviour.

s her house! And her biscuits and she is old enough to decide on what goes in her house and not have some dil getting the hump.

t him to follow the rules of the house rather than the rules of your house and you will be far more sucessful and much less of a pain in the arse

Thanks for comments. I guess I think it's important he asks me if I'm there and I can't do much about it when I'm not there. I think he should ask her out of politeness though but I can't force her to change her mind. I see learning manners as an important part of growing up but also as he's only 9 he could trough through loads of junk and put on a lot of weight. He's not the slimmest as it is and I don't want him to be picked on. Grandparents don't have to worry about those kinds of things.

I would want to know that my child was eating treats because IMHO you can't always trust a child to take just 1 or 2 I couldn't be trusted for example

If they ask then you can monitor how many they have and how close to dinner so they don't ruin their appetite. Also helps if home rules are enforced elsewhere. YANBU as I would do the same.

Oh for goodness sake. Seriously, leave her to it.

Ah. The weight thing is a totally different issue.

Maybe you could mention that and get her inside.

Bit of a drip feed but I have changed my mind and YANBU.

Good luck, these things are tricky to manage.

I ask my ds and dd if they mind if the children have it if it is near meal time but when they are all(there are 5 of them 18m to 13 years!) running around and have just had a good meal. they know they can have what they want from the biscuit jar. It nannies house and they love to come and feel at home, they have their own playroom, cups, craft stuff and outdoor toy room, the fact they have juice and fruit and biscuits when they want is part of the experience. I can't imagine that the food they get at nannies is making them fat, surely he is being fed more by you?
I'd say relax and let him enjoy building a relationship with his gran.

I wouldn't be bothered about the asking at their grandmother's house...my mum is exactly the same.
She enjoys spoiling her grandchildren and my ds's think it's nice that she buys in treats for them.
PIL are the total opposite and don't allow children to have biscuits at all unless all the adults have had their choice first (which I think is bizarre but that's another story).
The dc's can understand that different homes have different rules.

The weight issue I would be concerned about though if he's there a lot and I would mention that to GM in the hope of getting her support and reaching a compromise.