to want to run away?

[sureitis]

I feel I can't cope anymore I have a beautiful baby daughter who is 7 months old but spending day in day out on my own with her is making me feel like I'm going mad. My partner works long hours so we're lucky if we see him for an hour in the morning and when he gets home I'm usually in bed because by that point I've had enough. My DD is a good baby but my god i didn't know how hard it would be. She is great apart from going to sleep which is horrendous EVERY nap time and EVERY bed time. I just don't know what to do anymore and feel miserable. Is this normal??

I think you need to socialise and make friends. Do one social activity most days - toddler group, picnic with new mum friends etc. be forward, ask for new people's mobile numbers or suggest meeting on a sunny day.

Have you talked to your health visitor?
Do you think you could have pnd?

I agree with above poster by trying to get out more, join an NCT group, baby gym etc to meet other mums so you are not alone every day.

There is support out there. Start with HV or GP.

Gosh, sure, it sure is normal! My DD also howled before going to sleep every time, and other people didn't understand how awful this was. Can I suggest you speak to your Health Visitor about any mum and baby groups in your area? You could also join a music class or swimming group, or go to the baby activities at your local library. You're sure to meet other mums you click with, and sometimes all that's needed is a quick moan and groan to others who are in the same boat for things to seem brighter.

If you do feel that you've gone beyond this, I would urge you to see your GP, who will be able to help with counselling or medication, whichever you feel is best for you.

You are not alone in these feelings I assure you! Motherhood, especially the first time, is really hard for many of us. Really hope things start to improve soon.

skygirls you must type faster than me! but the messages all seem the same OP

Are you on maternity leave? If so think seriously about going back to work. We're not all cut out to be at home with small babies.

Also, do run away, just for a day at a weekend, and let your partner experience looking after her solo for a long stretch of time. It'll be good for their relationship and give him insight into what your life is like just now.

Thank you for taking the time to comment. I'm glad to hear this is normal

I like the idea of going to classes but I'm not very good at meeting new people and then striking up conversations. I've heard about cliques etc at these types of things which has scared me witless! I think I'll maybe just have to bite the bullet though as what I'm doing isn't working.

Yes I'm on mat leave and it has crossed my mind about going back to work early but I feel very guilty and feel I should be enjoying this special time before I have to go back. But frankly it doesn't feel very special.

My DP was on holiday a month or so ago and he commented on how he doesn't know I how manage and that was with us both there! I don't know either I just try and get through the day as best I can until the bed time slog then it's time for my bed and do it all again the next day.

I feel terrible complaining like this and it's making me quite upset. I've wanted a baby for so long and love her to bits but never expected to feel like this. I feel like lost my identity and I don't know who I am anymore.

This is normal but it right on the verge of getting better

I second get out. Go to lots if groups some you will go to once and never go back and others you'll get on well.
I've never had cliquey problems. If there is just walk away and try another.

There will be plenty if other mums just like you. Looking for a friend with a kid about the sane age.

Babies are a lot less draining when they have wee friends

The thing about most baby-and-mother groups is that you don;t need fabulous social skills - most of the other mothers will be in the same state as you. That's why they can be such a relief. The ones that i went to often turned into consciousness raising sessions: "OMG! This is so hard! And there is so little awareness of how hard it is in wider society!"

There are two threads on mumsnet at the moment about how tough it can be. One is called something like "does motherhood affect your mental health" and the other one is in the Feminism section.

You really are not alone.

Totally agree with Dogs' suggestion about leaving your partner in charge and going off for at least a day-trip. You could go for a day trip to the park, with an alarm clock, and sleep if you can;t actually go away somewhere overnight.

I didn;t ever do that. With hindsight, I think it was a mistake not to. Really. I could have expressed milk, and just done it. I think it would have been good for my sense of self, been good for the bond between dh and the littlies, and been worth a thousand words of explaining to dh what my life (and needs) were like at that point.

It does all pass. It gets a lot easier, very quickly. It really does. But it is not your imagination that it is hard now.

I'm so appreciative of you all taking the time to reply to my post. It has made me feel more positive and not quite so alone. Tomorrow I will look into groups in my area and think about a "me" day for next week which will give me something to look forward to.

Managed to see DP for 40 mins tonight although he wanted me to stay up with him to watch a movie but the tiredness is bad enough normally if I need to get up during the night and early mornings without going to bed in the wee small hours! So it's bed time for me.

I can totally relate to this. I have a gorgeous DS, and did lots of classes and activities, got out and about etc etc, but it was still blooming hard work and could be v boing - there is a limit to how many one sided conversations you can have! So don't worry this is a perfectly normal feeling and it isn't PND!!

You need to get out of the house.
Check the library, they have free story telling times/nursery rhymes sessions.
Go to the swimming pool for a splash in the baby pool.
Surestart have weekly soft play sessions whwre I am, worrh checking.
Go feed the ducks at a nearby pond.

Get yourself into a routine, regardless of weather, go out once a day.
It is isolating and unsociable having a baby. I still have a group of friends I made when we were all dog tired with little ones. They've been a life saver.
Sundays are family days, but also mummy time to grab a shower/bath, do your nails, sleep a bit in the afternoon etc.
We've all been there OP, it's normal.

You are not alone. My beautiful DD is almost 8 months, she is amazing but sometimes I struggle with the loss of identity. I was contracting for work before she came along, so I don't have a job to go back to or a definite plan for the future. I do have pnd, which will obviously make it worse but I totally relate to the settling issues and dreading every nap time. She has been easier to get to sleep in the last couple of weeks but it was absolutely hell from about 2 months until then.

Things which helped me were getting out and about, having a job to do every day, and making local mummy friends. Some of them have been a total lifeline for me, and others I find really pretentious and I don't get on with, but that's life. I know it's scary but I've made a couple of really good friends out of it. Find out what's available locally for mums and babies, brave groups until you find one that's for you, and chat to your HV or GP if you think pnd or anxiety could be an issue.

Good luck!

The word relentless strikes a chord with me as that's the word that pops into my head when asked how I'm enjoying motherhood but I sensor it and say great. In reality it's like groundhog day.

Whenever I've tried to explain my feelings to family members I get met with a shocked "Poor DD!" and an uncomfortable laugh. But I don't mean anything against my DD at all, I'm just being honest. It seems to be taboo to mention that motherhood is anything other than hearts and flowers.

I love the idea of meeting others in a similar situation to me and hopefully making some friends in the process so need to get over my fear of being in new situations.

Thank you wellieboots for your response. PND has crossed my mind but I've been trying to ignore it. Bad, I know. I've suffered from depression several times over the years and not want to think about having it again so trying to block that possibility out.

Whenever I have plans with the LO and we're kept busy I feel great and the daily slog isn't so bad to deal with but then these can dry up for a short time and I feel I'm right back to square one. For my own sanity and in turn for my DD I do need to get out more and meet more people.

I really feel for you op, I have a 6 month old ds and your right it is relentless.

My advice is do the bare minimum of stuff in the house, I leave the majority of the house work to dp when he gets home. I lie next to ds in our bed whilst he is napping because he naps for much longer if I lie with him ( he is having his morning nap at the moment.)

I have to get out of the house everyday, we go to loads of groups, singing, music, movement, massage, coffee shop meet ups. Ds is much much easier when we are out, he will happily sit and watch other babies for hours,he loves chatting with the other mums and I feel human talking to other mums. I have met lots and lots of mums and mostly everyone has been lovely. I have met 3 friends who I see regularly outside the groups they are really great but it did take lots of going to groups before I found people I really had things in common with other than a same aged baby.

Does your dp help at the weekends? My do gets up on Saturday and Sunday morning so I can have a lie in ( I do all the night walking as I'm breastfeeding so it's only fair really) just knowing I can sleep for as long as I want2 days a week makes everything seem much more manageable.

I hope you do find some groups to go to that you enjoy. It sounds like you are a great mum :)

Thanks honeytea

My DP is great on his days off. He does pretty much everything! He sorts breakfast every day before he goes to work and does all the meals and lots of housework when he's off. This morning he got up with DD as I couldn't face getting up so it have me an extra couple of hours. I'm very lucky.

I've had a quick look at a couple of things in my area that appealed to me so will have a better look later because I'm just about to get myself and DD organised to get out and about for a while for a change of scenery!

I was concerned that my life seems to be on pause at the moment and that I'm doing nothing whilst on mat leave but then I realised that I'm not doing nothing! I'm looking after my beautiful daughter and I just need to go outwith my comfort zone to make it better for the two of us.

I have a new found respect and am in total awe of single parents! Before having a baby of my own I never thought about the logistics of it and no one seems to talk about it in any great detail apart from how amazing it is!

Hang in there sure. I'm sure some of the groups will be nice. If you click with someone, ask them if they'd like to meet for coffee sometime.

Also, check out your local bookshops and libraries as some do rhyme time/ story time in the afternoons.

We have baby gym in my area, which is great for meeting mums with same age babies.

I remember back to dc1.. I felt like you too and when DC was 11 months old, I really felt down. I had not been out socially since dc1 had been born, and had not even an hour to myself. I was lucky to then get my mum to come for one day a week to give me a break for a couple of hours.

It does get better- take a couple of hours off when DP is around to look after your ds and do something for yourself- nails done or a spa massage. You'll feel a lot better.

All the best