Sorry, this is quite long, but I'd like some thoughts please regarding a situation with an ex-friend. I've been close friends with N for about 14 years, we'd meet as couples with her DP and my DH, celebrate most birthdays and Christmases together, go on holidays etc. I initiated most of the contact, but she was like this with all her other friends and even family, so I didn't mind. She's had on /off depression for years and lots of issues with her mum from when she was growing up, so I kind of thought that maybe that was the reason she wasn't great at keeping in touch with people generally. Just over 2 years ago we had our DD, and gradually our friends started distancing themselves and there would always be a reason why they couldn't meet up with us. I had PND and DD had some issues in the first few months, but when I tried to talk to N about how I was feeling a couple of times, she seemed quite dismissive. During that time I'd kept in touch with her through occasional calls and texts and we saw them a few times, but when I invited them to DH & DD's joint birthday party (DD's 1st birthday so a big deal for me), she didn't respond to my text for a week and then when I gently prompted by another text to check if they'd be coming, she just replied to say they couldn't.
Several months later we saw them at a mutual friend's birthday and N was really off with me but won't tell me why. We saw them twice after that and things seemed better so I thought we were over whatever the issue was. However, over the following 4 - 5 months they'd again be busy every time we'd suggest to meet, and would never call us themselves. They have a very small social circle and we were their closest friends, so it just didn't feel right. In the end, I texted N to say that I felt like we were becoming distant and that our friendship was disappearing. She replied to say that yes, the friendship was not the same as we've both changed and maybe one day she'd talk to me about it. This really upset me as I had no idea what the issue was, so I emailed her and her DP basically saying that we were very upset that they didn't want to be our friends and that they have distanced themselves from us with no explanation, and if there was something that we did to upset them, we wished they'd have told us. They did not respond and we have had no contact since then. I know that she has since told a mutual friend that yes, she was off with me at the birthday party but wouldn't say why, but that she did not mean that they never wanted to see us again and I misunderstood.
I still feel sad about the loss of this friendship. I think that maybe I over-reacted (well, I'm pretty sure I have and probably shouldn't have sent that email but I was feeling really hurt). However, I also can't help thinking that if things were the other way around and my best friend misunderstood me to such an extent, I'd have let her know and tried to talk to her to resolve the misunderstanding! So, AIBU to consider making contact with N again to see if anything can be salvaged of this friendship?