To chuck in my job?

[midlifecrisisorjustlazy]

Bear with me, this could be long! I'd really appreciate views on whether I'm losing the plot or not...

back ground info

Am a single parent to one ds who is 10. We live in the south east in privately rented accom. Last year I gave up my NHS job for a related job in higher ed. The NHS job was 30 hours per week, but shift work, nights, on calls etc and as a single parent it was becoming unmanageable. I was feeling terrible about shipping ds off for overnighters at least twice a week etc, having such random hours etc. Plus, I was working in a team that was appallingly managed and that was a source of stress +++

The upsides were that the money, some months, could be good (if I got lots of callouts, nights etc). Having time off during the week was very handy. And, at the time, ds was able to spend weekends with his dad and gf which took some of the pressure off.

Anyway, at the end of last year I was offered a job in higher ed, 37hr a week, no weekends, no on calls etc. Since I'm also doing an MSc at that university, it seemed like a no brainer. I also knew loads of the staff etc.' settled in quite easily. But actually, I hate it. Hate the politics (worse than the NHS!!)' hate being in an office, have been thrown into teaching BSc students without any training, find it really difficult. Most of my colleagues are lovely but the job just isn't for me. Im not the only one, either - since I've been there we have lost 4 members of what was already a small overstretched team. Plus, if you factor in the travel, extra hours etc I'm actually worse off every month, money wise.

And now... Ds's father has split with his gf and gone off the rails, alcoholic, utterly unreliable and useless. My mother who lives nearby has serious mental health issues and has taken to turning up on my doorstep at 4am. I need to be able to spend more time with her and get her (and my dad) the help they need. And I have an MSc assignment due in two weeks that I've not even thought about!

Basically, it's all too much. I am totally aware of my responsibilities to ds, to keep a roof over our heads etc, but something's got to give. I have considered agency work, which pays well and I could have a bit of control over. Also my old Trust is always looking for bank staff. I could get work there. I just want some control, and some flexibility. But I have a stable job with supposedly good prospects. I wouldn't be able to carry on my MSc if I bailed on this job. I'm just miserable, really, and desperately looking for solutions. I want to leave this job, but would that be total madness?

I don't know what to do for the best.

Up to your last paragraph, your situation seemed pretty dire, but it seems like you do have options.

But why do you have to give up your MSc if you leave your current job? I understand that it's at the same university, but presumably you were doing the MSc before you starting working there?

I was, but it was being paid for by my old Trust. Tbh I'm lucky they didn't ask me to pay it back when I left! I've only got my dissertation left to write (after this upcoming assignment) but I couldn't afford to fund it myself.

How long have you got left on your msc?

Am due to hand in sept 2014. In all honesty, I don't know if I even want/need a bloody MSc (I thought I wanted to teach but am not sure now!!) but it seems madness to abandon it now I've got this far. And it would give me options for the future, maybe.

Am just so tired. I know I can't change the situation with XH, or my mum. But I can take some of the pressure off myself workwise. But then I panic that I'm being stupid and actually I won't get any bank work and we'll end up on the bloody breadline. I have a 'good job'. But I just want to work in a garden centre or something!

Oh and should probably mention that work want me to do a teaching qual after my MSc so that will be another year of study. I can't face it.

Can you make a plan to finish your Masters? May be worth registering as bank if you need up to date checks and setting an escape route so it doesn't seem as never ending. I see au pairs mentioned a lot here, would that be of use to you? Or through the university would you have access to students in need of part time work to look after your son?
My other thought was could you reduce your hours to see if that makes work more bearable? You certainly have a lot on our plate, would it become more manageable when your studies have finished?
I also think it may be worth asking for a social care assessment for Your mum and dad, get those wheels moving and see what help is available before you make a decision. Good luck.

I'd love to reduce my hours but no dice. I had to submit a written justification for one day every fortnight 'off' to attend MSc courses - taking place in the same building as my office, and being undertaken as a prequisite of the job

An au pair sounds great - however unless s/he's prepared to sleep in a cupboard am not sure how we'd work that one!

I guess the bottom line is that I am fed up chasing a career that I don't think I even want. I'm scared of wasting my life slogging away in a job I don't like, missing out on my son's life, watching my family disintegrate, for what? So I can say I have a Masters and teach in an RG university, woofuckinghoo. But... I will feel like I've failed, and wasted my 'potential' if I chuck it all in now.

Just thinking of the academic year - do you teach all year round or will you get a break from the teaching for the next couple months? I work in a university and I know that this doesn't mean you'll be doing nothing! But it might take some of the pressure off.

I know how you feel, as I was disenchanted by my experience of university teaching, and was also thrown in at the deep end. All I can say is that it does get better. My second time was dramatically better than my first. I hadn't realized how hard it was to do things like create a good reading list. Chances are you've learnt a lot, no matter how bad you think you were. Also, if the qualification they want you to get is the post-grad cert of academic practice, it is not demanding at all, and it can be helpful in that you meet peers who are new to teaching and often struggling with the same stuff.

Tbh, I wouldn't give up on the MSc at this stage, especially as the dissertation can be a chance to explore something you really find interesting. You might find it refreshes and motivates you rather than drains you.

If you can stick it out till Sept 2014, I'd do so. You can always go back to agency or other work then, pleased and relieved to leave academia behind!

Can you defer your MSc for a year to get some breathing space? If you mentioned your caring responsibilities towards your parents as reason to postpone they maybe sympathetic towards your situation.

I dont think you should give up on your masters, I wish I did mine before having my kids. I cant see where & when I will be able to fit it in now.
You are halfway there so please don't give up, its hard but will be worth it in the end.

Thanks for encouraging words, all! Nickname' I think you have hit the nail on the head re: disenchantment. I don't expect I'm the first to discover that academia is not all its cracked up to be .

Good to know it gets better though; I do think part of my panic (well, a lot of it really) comes from that wtf, I don't know what I'm doing! feeling that characterises most of my working life...maybe things will improve.

raisah, I did consider taking a year out but in a way I just want to get it over and done with, iykwim? And I know I probably will regret it if for some reason I never finish it. The outside, family related issues will probably not resolve themselves terribly quickly anyway so I might as well plough on, I guess!

I really appreciate everyone who took the time to reply. I don't think I'm going to do anything drastic but you have given me a bit of food for thought. I am going to go and count a few blessings now and stop panicking!

I hear you re the wtf feeling. I made so many stupid mistakes the first time I taught - I couldn't time a class to save my life, so I almost always ran out of material before the time was up. My few feeble attempts to extemporise were not a success, shall we say.

It was really painful when I bumped into students around campus and they'd glare at me in response to my friendly smile. I think they really felt short-changed - and they were right, I didn't know what I was doing and I got zero support from my department. If anything, the dept just undermined me further.

It really helped when I talked to friends who were academics in other departments, and they said "Oh, nobody expects courses to be perfect the first time you run them". It's normal for them to be a bit rocky - you take the lessons learned and make it better the next time round.

It's perfectly fine if you've changed your mind about being an academic - it's something I'm highly ambivalent about myself, and if I go down that round, I'd like it to be a part-time commitment alongside work in "industry" (or the equivalent in my subject area).

I think another advantage of hanging on till Sept 2014, aside from the MSc, is the sense that you're not slinking away as a failure, but you've undertaken a difficult experience and learnt a lot from it.

I don't want to be all gungho, because I know that a job you hate can take a massive toll on your life. Especially as a single parent, you've got to do what you need to do to hang onto your sanity and your ability to parent your child. Only you can decide if the price of staying on till next year is too hard. But really consider whether you might have survived the worse and it's worth the pay-off if you can stick it out a bit longer.