To take a day sick tomorrow?

[BerkshireMum]

Started a new (quite senior) job nearly three months ago. It's going well, great feedback from my boss, and I like it. For the first time since having DCs, it's full-time in the office - no flexi-time or working from home. Suits me better than I thought as I'm keeping much more sensible working hours with evenings and weekends off.

However, I have always been primary carer for our two DCs. H has hardly ever taken any time off for medical appointments, hospital admissions, school assemblies etc etc. Prior to this job, I managed most of this sort if thing with flexible working (not taking the p, I did the work and the hours).

In the last couple of months I've missed a few bits of stuff with DCs as I was at work - nothing earth-shattering, just things I would usually have done.

This weekend, DS9 has injured himself at cub camp - knocked out a good chunk of his front tooth. It hurts and he clearly needs to see a dentist. My parents could take him, but I feel like I should be there. As it happens, my diary is clear tomorrow (which is almost unheard of) so I'm planning to take a day sick to sort him out. If I'm honest, it's partly because I think he deserves a parent there, partly because I feel guilty and partly because I can make it work this time but may not be able to do the same next time it's anything less than a full-blown emergency.

I'll be missing sports day for DS and a play for DD later in July and totally understand that work comes first then. I wouldn't dream of calling in sick for them. Once I've done 6 months, I'll have annual leave to use to help with this sort of situation.

It's not something I'm doing lightly, and I will make sure I effectively make up the time - will probably do a pile of work from home tomorrow - but I will giving a reason for my absence that isn't accurate. WWYD?

Thanks everyone - the range of opinions sums up what's in my head! Not sure I'm any further forward with my decision but at least I know I'm not going mad!

I've not done this before (and eldest is nearly 12) but I've never worked anywhere with so little flexibility.

My leave for the first six months had to be agreed prior to my start. It's 1.5 hours journey to work (each way) so I can't easily nip in and out.

My instinct is to be honest, despite how it sounded in my original post, but I know that won't go down well. I've given members of my team the odd hour here and there to cope with domestic emergencies. They've been grateful and surprised as it's changing the company culture. Filtering it upwards will take longer! I do worry about giving working parents a bad name as I take my responsibilities at work very seriously and have never missed a meeting or deadline due to domestic problems - I even worked things so I could attend a pitch while DS was in hospital once.

Sleepless night beckons.

Well if there's not a culture of this, ringing in sick won't change that. You can handle this, if you are a good worker and are honest, it could benefit all your staff.

I really dislike people who pull sickies, and i would much rather people were just honest about what was happening. I can't see how your work can disapprove, especially if you take it unpaid. It's not like you want time off to have fun, it's an emergency situation, and descisons may need to be made regarding treatment that your parents may not feel they can make for ds without you.

Good luck with it all.

I wouldn't blame you for calling in sick if it's easier - don't know how family-friendly your new company are, though all companies should be adjusting to this sort of thing by now. But it is more that reasonable to take a family day. What is their policy on that sort of thing?

I notice your H doesn't come into the picture at all. Hardly ever taking time off for this sort of thing is rubbish on his part, though I imagine you know that already. Will he be going to the school play / assembly things?

Could you not ring in and explain the situation? Perhaps offer to do a half day and work the afternoon? They might not pay you for it but as you say your diary is pretty clear so it's not a huge loss to the company. I had a split front tooth as a child and iI needed a general anaesthetic / mini operation to remove the tooth so I would say your situation is an emergency.

I know my company will give 5 days leave per year for such things (I have used 2 in 3 years due to DD being ill) I would be a bit iffy about using a personal sick day for a child's illness as you might get caught out and that would look 100 x worse.

Good luck OP

Get your DH to go. He's not in a job with no leave other than pre-approved is he?

"H has hardly ever taken any time off for medical appointments, hospital admissions, school assemblies etc etc"

Time to start, if he can't use his leave he can take a dependency day.

Don't pull a sickie. You have another parent and grandparents to help.

Don't call in sick - when you skip into work in full health tomorrow it will be obvious that you have taken the piss!
If you have good feedback and a good relationship with your boss just be honest and I would imagine that they will be fine with it.
Good luck and I hope your child is okay :-) x

"H has hardly ever taken any time off for medical appointments, hospital admissions, school assemblies etc etc"

His turn then, yes?

carer/ parental leave us the thing to take. not sick leave.

I see I'm probably too late but as you are in a new senior full time role I would very strongly recommend you change your arrangements so that you and your DH take turns. Unfair to expect your new employer to take all the burden.

In fact I'm astonished more people aren't saying that tbh. Lots of people suggesting different types of leave to take, or suggesting you get your parents to take him, but not many noticing that you have a perfectly capable (presumably) husband who has not been doing his fair share.

yes (1) your DH should be doing his share (2) i would get rid of anyone who lied about being ill without a second thought. you have the right to unpaid emergency leave.