to feel saddened about " breast feeding covers

[Theas18]

lady on the next table in the cafe I'm in ifs beat feeding a lovely month or so old baby under a huge bib.

maybe she feels " happier about it" and all that but really. What do you see for a happily breastfeeding b baby-the back of a sweet little head? no big deal and very normal.

Why are we ( society) doing this to mums and babies. surely a 6 month old won't tolerate it anyway, so I guess they give up then :(

[Branleuse]

it's a good compromise for shy women. I don't see the problem

[TiredFeet]

I think I know where you are coming from, I don't read your op as being judgy.

I really struggled with feeding in public, not because I have any particular issue with accidentally flashing a bit of boob but because health visitors etc banged on so much about being 'discreet' etc that I got all stressed about being discreet. the existence of these covers etc heightened my feelings that the key concern from everyone was that I was discreet. bottle feeders don't have to worry about feeding 'discreetly' and I do think there is an issue with the pressure for 'discretion'. I had enough to worry about without faffing with muslins and scarves just to not offend someone.

maja has put it more succinctly than me:

I don't feel sad that individuals use covers - if it works for them, then great.

I do feel it's a shame that we live in a society where you are supposed to be "discreet" about feeding a baby though! What a load of bollocks.

[Minifingers]

YANBU

When I see this (women feeding under horrible big bibs) it serves to remind me how fucking screwed up we are about breastfeeding as a society.

Makes me feel the same way as when I see 3 year olds in a hijab, or women wearing niqab - it speaks of an underlying belief about women's bodies and their sexuality which saddens me.

[tassisssss]

I personally think you can be more discrete NOT using a massive apron thing but good on her for BFing in a cafe and if it helps her feel more comfortable, fantastic.

[SoupDragon]

[shrug] Who cares?

Is the mother happy?
Is the baby happy?

Beyond that I couldn't give a stuff - if it helps the mother feel confident to breastfeed when out the that is all that really matters. I wanted to cover up or (preferably) feed in private with DS1. I wanted to cover up with DS2. I couldn't have given a stuff with DD.

[JugglingFromHereToThere]

Probably the reason she used one was due to the possible judgement of others around her - so, not that different from your own judgement really ?!

We all make our own way through life (and patriarchy ?) the best way we can.

I'd rather judge those possibly making her feel uncomfortable than her for the strategy she uses to overcome the (possible) problem !

[Theas18]

Ok maybe I'm being a tad unreasonable- I'm from the generation that we expected to use baby feeding rooms that were toilets... but I see these bibs all the time now after three was a time when people did just get onand feed as they wished. It just seems a retrograde step ( or maybe it's another" marketing opportunity" of an essential though never know you needed! ).

[Eyesunderarock]

Maybe there is a market for all those who feel judged because they are ff?
You could buy a cover and deceive passing LLLmembers.

[LegoCaltrops]

I don't think you sound judgey either. I think if a woman feels uncomfortable exposing herself for whatever reason, fair enough. But it's sad that so many women are uncomfortable with using their breasts for their intended purpose.
I've got fairly small boobs so it was less of an issue for me, but I couldn't have used a cover if I'd wanted to - DD would struggle & scream if her head was covered. It was a lot more discreet just to quietly get on with it. I wore nursing bras & tops when going out to minimise exposure & the only people who passed comment were my mum & sister. Frankly I thought that if anyone didn't like it, they could f**k off. Luckily I live in a country where I'm allowed to EBF in public.

[propertyNIGHTmareBEFOREXMAS]

Yabu. Each to their own.

[intarsia]

OP it may be cultural. We lived in the USA for a while & it seemed the norm there.

[BabsAndTheRu]

I always used a large scarf to cover up, my choice, not society's. Didnt want the world to see my boobs and at a 36G it is not just the back of the babies head you see.

[YoniBottsBumgina]

I think they are fine. IME there is no way an expectation that you "should" use one and I've never seen anybody objecting to the sight of a happily feeding, latched on infant.

However in the early days it can be tricky to get a latch and it can be easier to relax about it if you're not trying to cover yourself up as well. I know I used to go to feeding rooms and many other mums I knew did too until they felt more confident (at say 6 weeks, 12 weeks, whenever) and then they would feed wherever. If the cover allows you that confidence anywhere then it's no bad thing IMO.

I only know two people who used one past that initial difficult period and one of them had a baby who was so severely tongue tied that he never got to the stage of happy, discreet feeding and she used it because otherwise she would literally have been flashing at every feed, the other I don't know but perhaps she just felt more comfortable. I agree it's sad if society made her feel that way but maybe it was just her personal issue?

[princesssugar]

Fgs. People arnt happy if you bottle fed, if you breastfeed, if you breastfeed with a cover or without. Why don't you mind your own business?

I feed by 10 mnth old under a cover because it makes me feel better, i dont have to worry about what im wearing i can just whip the cover round us. It also eliminates any distraction for my ds.

And people wonder why women dont breastfeed more. BECAUSE THEY CAN'T WIN WHATEVER THEY DO. Find something more important to cry about.

[PeriodMath]

Do what you want so long as you do it!

But...but...I do think it draws attention to you and makes it all look a bit secretive.

Not that that matters, just my personal reaction to them. Lots of women feel self-conscious, especially in the early days so if it helps - why not?

[Mintyy]

See, this is why I hate the fucking Am I Being Unreasonable topic.

Op asks a reasonable question. She gets that she might be being U, hence putting it to mn jury. She isn't saying Am I Being Unreasonable To Hate Those Pointless Breastfeeding Covers? or Am I Being Unreasonable To Think That If You Are Going To Breastfeed You Should Be Out And Proud About It? no, nothing as provocative or unreasonable as that. She asks if she is bu to feel "saddened", nothing more.

And yet for this mild question she gets responses like this

"Why do u care and what has it got to do with you?
She's feeding her baby the best way she can. Wind your neck in!!"

and

"Oh and have a "

from Elvislives2012.

I really think people should be banned if they can't debate properly like a grown up. It is beyond tedious and into the realms of tiresome and embarrassing for Mumsnet as a whole.

[Stripedmum]

I have to say I felt a bit saddened when a very close friend used one of these at a mum meet up the other day. We were all BFing. She's had 2 other babies that's she's BFed happily in front of us but this time I feel it's a gimmick that seems a bit over thought. Obviously her choice though!

Personally they seem 1. A total faff on. 2. Very ugly and weird looking 3. Very warm for the baby in this weather as it was dark navy blue and a thick plasticy nylon material 4. No interaction for you and baby 5. Seems like you have an issue with BFing in public.

Just don't like them! Maybe a nice white wafty cotton one? But then just use a bloody muslin!

[Mintyy]

It is obvious, with anyone with half a brain cell, that she means she feels sad that people feel they have to cover up to breastfeed and wouldn't it be nice if it were more normalised? You would have to actually be looking at a woman and directly at her breasts to get a glimpse of nipple, even if the baby pulled off.

Having said all that, OF COURSE, if someone prefers to feed under a cover then that is fine too.

[Thisisaeuphemism]

I have mixed feelings - good on the woman for doing it but as abraid said I wonder if this will lead to negativity to those not using them - if so what a shame.

[Stripedmum]

YY to Mintyy

[Eyesunderarock]

It's always saddened me how judged and criticised and threatened women feel by other women.
And how freely criticism is offered on everything from appearances to housekeeping to child-rearing by women to other women.

[Stripedmum]

Very true Eyes.

[JugglingFromHereToThere]

Also I'd like to say it won't kill anyone if they do see a nipple for a few secs.
So, women shouldn't feel an obligation to be discrete.
But I guess most of us choose some degree of discretion - whatever we feel comfortable with.