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Original poster

To ask for stories of dc starting school and it all being okay?!

23 replies

IfIonlyhadsomesleep · 29/06/2013 18:51

Found out last week who ds will be with in a class and who his teacher will be. Despite having a system where they ask who their friends are, and near promise that they'll be with a name to give, ds is not with anyone he knows and is with a teacher who I am not fond of.
I do know that this will come out in the wash, but I'm cross that the school has not put him with a friend and it is, irrationally I know,compounded by the teacher thing. Ds is in denial. I hadn't told him that he would be with a friend, just in case, but he refuses to believe that he's not in a class with one of them.

Does anyone have a story of a simar situation that has a happy ending? Feeling anxious Sad and need to get over it.

OP posts:
Fakebook · 29/06/2013 18:56

Dd started school this year and is going into year 1 in September. She didnt know anyone in her year apart from one other girl from nursery in another class. She made loads of friends in the first few weeks. By term 2 she was playing with year 6 girls in the bigger playground.

I wouldn't worry and don't let your child know about your dislike of his new teacher. It doesn't matter you don't like her, most teachers like this are brilliant with the children and that's all that matters. Dd's teacher is the same.

thebody · 29/06/2013 18:56

Well if he's the only one without a friend then get his class changed.

Phone up and ask why he isn't ad there's no point in asking to name a friend if its then ignored.

This happens all the time so speak to the HT.

However you do know that the friends he has now will change over time and after day 1 he will probably announce he has a new best friend, a child he had met that day.

Don't worry re teacher. Often the ones who are not so good with the parents are brilliant with the children so give her a chance.

All will be fine. 😃😃

Original poster
IfIonlyhadsomesleep · 29/06/2013 19:00

I think I'm going to go and politely ask what has happened, much as I know I will risk appearing the anxious parent. Then, either there's a mistake and he'll change or I'll put it to rest. Strangely, it was easier when Dc1 started because she knew no one. So we all knew the score. But I know that I would feel anxious about something, even if he were with friends in the ideal class.

OP posts:
itsblackoveryonderhill · 29/06/2013 19:06

I'm not sure why you are worrying. When my DD goes into reception, she won't know any other child in the class, but I'm sure within a day or two she'll have a 'best friend', who will invariably be somebody different the following week.

If you are really concerned speak to the HT.

Justforlaughs · 29/06/2013 20:01

I know why you are worrying, but don't! I haven't even bothered filling in the form stating a friends name. In fact I didn't do it with any of the last 3 kids. Honestly, by the end of the first week they will have made new friends whether they were in a class with their old friends or not. When my DS3 went to school we were told his teacher and I was thrilled - she was lovely! Then it all changed and he ended up in a class with a teacher who was new to the school and had no social skills with parents. I was less than impressed tbh. However, he loved her and she was fab with the kids. I cant tell whether you have other children and already know the teacher or whether you have just had a meeting with her and were not impressed. My other story is that DD1 had a teacher who for some reason didn't like DD. Just a clash of personality I suppose. Anyway, when DS3 went into her class I was really nervous, but they got on like a house on fire, He absolutely loved her, and she thought he was lovely. It will be totally different depending on the child.

treas · 29/06/2013 20:07

When my dd started reception she did not know a single other child and it caused no problems what so ever - tbh I was probably more concerned about this than she was.

She absolutely thrived and settled the quickest of the class according to her teacher when we asked how dd had settled in.

It was probably an advantage not to have a/any close friend/s as dd wasn't dependent on any particular children and so wasn't worried when anyone was away from class, unlike some of her other new friends.

mummytowillow · 29/06/2013 21:04

My daughter started school not knowing anyone. She also couldn't understand the language as its a Welsh speaking school.

She's just about to finish year 1, fluent in Welsh already and has loads of friends Smile

Try not to worry it will be fine Grin

fuckwittery · 29/06/2013 21:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

aldiwhore · 29/06/2013 21:13

DC1 is now in Year 4, he didn't know anyone in his new school, we were both anxious, I didn't know the teachers or any other parents. He cried on his first day, and has been laughing ever since. He LOVES school. He finds the social side of things quite hard and he's just not into the popular things and he is rather a unique character, so he's encountered bullying (which is sorted, for now) but he still adores school.

DC2 is in Reception, he went to the pre-school there so knew most of his class, he didn't even give me a kiss goodbye on the first day!! He's a very different character to his brother, it all comes so easy to him. He loves school too. So much so that he responds brilliantly to his teacher, adjusts his behaviour, improves, tries hard, and is crestfallen if he has to go on the quiet mat - at home he's a "Yeh whatever mum" kid!! (Grrrr)

I only have positive stories, I hope yours turns out to be positive too. x

cardibach · 29/06/2013 21:24

My daughter did the same as mummytowillow's DD (Where are you roughly willow?) when we moved here - she was rising 5 and went into a new, Welsh speaking, school. She loved it. Then she went to a different secondary school from all the girls in her year and was put in a form with none of the boys from her primary. She has just been appointed Deputy Head Girl (aged 17. Not-so-stealth boast) on the basis (at least in part) of a student vote.

Original poster
IfIonlyhadsomesleep · 29/06/2013 21:36

I think I'm panicking because his very best friends will be there but not in his class. Dd has thrived knowing no one in the class. I'm worried that he'll see them but not be with them. But I know all will be well. Stories very helpful, thank you!

OP posts:
CloudsAndTrees · 29/06/2013 21:48

It hurts when the school does things like this to your child, doesn't it?

My ds was the only one separated from his friends going into year 6, and I was gutted for him! I know he's a lot older, although that can make it worse in some ways, but he is absolutely fine and he actually turned out to have one of his best years at school.

I work in reception, and I've seen stuff like this a few times. I'm as certain as I can be that it's harder for the parents than the children when they are still little. Your ds will have so much new stuff going on in his day, that even if he does register that his friends are going into a different room, he won't spend time thinking about it when there's other good stuff going on.

He will make friends in his own class, and he will have people he knows from the other class when they are all out in the playground together.

Really, he will be fine.

Fakebook · 29/06/2013 21:51

He'll meet his friends at break and lunch times. They mix the children up a lot in reception so it won't be like he won't ever see them.

Original poster
IfIonlyhadsomesleep · 29/06/2013 21:59

It really does hurt. I think it's such a big step to hand over your little one, however much I play it down, and then an error or choice to place him like that makes it feel as if he's not on the radar. Ridiculous. I know it, but feel it all the same.

OP posts:
selladaw · 30/06/2013 00:07

My DS started school last Sept. He finds change very hard and was very anxious. We were seriously concerned that he would misbehave, refuse to go and generally have a very negative start. The only thing that encouraged him was that 6 other children from his nursery were going to the same school, 3 of them very good friends. So we were beside ourselves when we found out that all 6 children were in the same class and our son was in a different class. We complained, explained the issue. Our nursery even contacted the school to recommend it was in DS interests. The school apologised and claimed it was an oversight, but wouldn't change his class.

Over the summer we sent him one day a week to a summer camp and he surprised himself and us that he could deal with change and even really enjoy himself. So at the start of term when they offered to switch his class after all, we said no thanks !

He has thrived and now has a much wider circle of friends and is so much more confident. I wouldn't have believed it possible this time last year.

I hope it works out well for you too. I know what a worry it can be.

Original poster
IfIonlyhadsomesleep · 30/06/2013 07:15

Selladaw-that's such an encouragement as it describes our situation with the friends being in the school but not the class. I so appreciate the responses on this thread especially as no one has said I'm ridiculous to worry.

OP posts:
needasilverlining · 30/06/2013 07:50

Ds1 started reception knowing no one, thrived after slightly tearful start, made several very close friends - and wasn't put in a year 1 class with any of them.

I was upset and spoke to the school Blush - DS1 totally unfazed, played with old mates at breaks (they're still close) and made new friends in class. I actually think it has been much better for him and am not at all worried this year.

Honestly, it'll be fine.

AaDB · 30/06/2013 09:16

My ds's school discourage best friends at this age. They don't stop it happening, but would rather DC made a variety of pals. They change the classes every year. Ds (y1), was separated from both of his friends. They have a tight bond and ds is no longer included in invitations to tea etc. He is a bit sad about that but has lots of DC to play with. No close friends though.

Within two weeks of starting yr, he was streamed into groups for numeracy, literacy etc. They moved around so much, he was rarely with his friends any way.

thaliablogs · 30/06/2013 09:18

I agree he will almost certainly be fine but also think it's fine to gently ask the school for the story. When I started secondary school I was put into a class with no one I knew (5 girls had gone from my primary incl my best friend). I found it really hard and took at least 6 months to make new close friends, but then I was a rather socially inept 11 year old! So ask but rest assured at 4 with everyone new to the school they will all make new friends.

Original poster
IfIonlyhadsomesleep · 01/07/2013 19:54

So-to update. Saw school today and teacher was lovely. Quite frustrated that our letter expressing preferences has been lost and never made it to the right place. But know that ds is with at least one other preschool person who he doesn't dislike. Although they are referring the matter to the head, not sure what they can do now since classes are full and it seems grossly unfair to move one child who already knows the teachers name to serve the needs of another. Weirdly I feel better that it wasn't how I wrote the letter or that ds's choice was ignored. Mistakes can happen, hopefully they will tighten up the paper trail to avoid it happening again. No one needs sleepless nights.

OP posts:
mummytowillow · 01/07/2013 20:08

cardibach - were near Yr Wyddgrug Wink

Dinosaurdrip · 01/07/2013 20:45

DS 1 started school last September, there was one boy who went to the same nursery 2 days a week and another nursery the other 3 days, this was the only child he knew. Said boy went into a class with 5 friends from other nursery and DS in a class knowing no one. After the first 2 weeks he was part of a 'crew' and has made friends easily.

There were other children in the same situation and these children are also happy.

Joiningthegang · 01/07/2013 20:54

My ds didn't know anyone when he started school - he has been absolutely fine and has made lots of friends - whilst retaining the ones he already had x

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