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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Dd 'constantly' with granny

23 replies

Drhamsterstortoise · 29/06/2013 17:28

Fed up of meeting people who tell me they know my dd as she is always with her granny.Today I met a woman who said she is 'constantly' with her granny.I would love to be with her 'constantly' but have a mortgage to pay and her future to save for !I also only work 9-3 and spend all weekends and school holidays with her.I think I might need to put it on a t shirt.Maybe it's just that granny constantly shops in the same supermarket and may be there a few times a day.I also met a woman who said she always meets dd with her dad.Funny that, seeing as he is always away or training.She may have met him twice this year.I think I need to make myself more of an obvious parent.Maybe il breastfeed the baby walking up through the town...

OP posts:

CailinDana · 29/06/2013 17:40

Why do you even care? If someone said my children were "constantly" with someone I'd look at them like they were a lunatic - why say something so stupid? Best not to listen to people who haven't a clue.

WorraLiberty · 29/06/2013 17:43

I think you're projecting massively here

There's obviously something else wrong?

fabergeegg · 29/06/2013 17:43

I get this too. Very annoying. Why do people say it? Is it like when you're out for a meal twice in a year and you see the same people both times, yet the assumption is that it's the other people who must 'constantly' be going out for meals? And they're probably thinking the same?

I didn't put that very well.

Then there's the way people love to talk about grandparents being involved in their grandchildren's lives. There's a catchphrase in our house for this: 'It's great you have your mum to help out.' Mum glowed when she heard this shortly after my DD's birth. Having heard it at least twice a week for almost two years, she now gives a hollow laugh. It's just small talk.

TidyDancer · 29/06/2013 17:44

Don't let other people saying totally objective things bother you. They are not judging you, rather simply stating facts.

jollygoose · 29/06/2013 17:46

sounds like you are jealous of granny...

carabos · 29/06/2013 17:48

DH and I used to do separate school runs. One day I did his pickup and found myself being literally chased across the car park by one of the mums, running alongside my car, tapping on the window and saying "ooh we don't see much of you".

Ignore. They know nothing about your life.

Original poster

Drhamsterstortoise · 29/06/2013 17:48

Yes I would say I am projecting!I would like to be able to stay at home with her and the baby but I don't have a choice and I think sometimes when I meet these women the insinuation is I am never with her and granny is rearing her.

OP posts:

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 29/06/2013 17:51

Aren't you fortunate then that your DD is with a relative who loves her.

So what if your daughter is with her granny when she sees these women? When she's seen out with you people are hardly going to comment on that to you, are they?

You need to remember why you're doing this and make sure that you have nice times with your children when you aren't at work - and stop stressing about idle conversations from people who see your daughter and gran out together. They probably think you're interested to know, they don't realise that it sends you on a guilt trip.

TidyDancer · 29/06/2013 17:53

I sincerely doubt it OP. They are likely just saying they've seen your DD. or jealous that you get family help!

In the nicest possible way, these are your issues, not theirs.

Original poster

Drhamsterstortoise · 29/06/2013 17:56

Yes I am jealous of granny.We are very lucky to have her in our lives and yes I do feel guilty and I am being unreasonable and irrational!

OP posts:

fluffyraggies · 29/06/2013 17:58

((hugs)) OP.

ImNotBloody14 · 29/06/2013 18:00

Ok so whinging and feeling resentful wont solve this problem, whether perceived or actual. So- what are you going to do to change it?

tumbletumble · 29/06/2013 18:02

My Mum says when me and my brother were little she was told by people that we were always with my Dad, they hardly recognised her etc. He did take us to the park a lot at weekends, but why shouldn't he, given they both worked full time (from when I was 5)?

YANBU but it's not worth getting upset about. Ignore.

Smudging · 29/06/2013 18:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MammaTJ · 29/06/2013 18:06

A lot of people locally think I am a single parent who does not work. They see me out and about on school runs with my DC and see me taking them here there and everywhere in the holidays and never see them with DP.

The truth is, we both work full time, I work nights, he works days. I fit my sleep in to the school day and don't get much sleep in the holidays.

We both do our fair share of child care and the reality is DP does more of the actual practical stuff like getting them ready for school and putting them to bed than I do.

I really wouldn't worry what other people think. If you continue to do that you will drive yourself mad.

apatchylass · 29/06/2013 18:07

They're probably jealous. I used to get very jealous of people who had loving grannies on tap to help with childcare while they worked. My mum's so busy she's barely babysat once a year, despite living quite close by. She loves them, she's just not naturally very maternal and felt she'd done her stint with us.

Your DD is incredibly lucky to have you and her granny as constant companions. Imho, children with loving extended family are extra lucky.

Mamafratelli · 29/06/2013 18:12

Dont feel bad, you work short hours and term time and grandma will love all that time with her grandchildren.

I got this from my ballet teacher. "Oh is it daddy's turn to have a rest today? He usually brings minifratelli". For once I had an answer "no he got the short straw today. He's at home with ds2 while I get an hours peace and a bacon sandwich". I'm never sure if people are just making small talk or being deliberately rude. I tend to ignore.

Original poster

Drhamsterstortoise · 29/06/2013 18:14

Thanks everyone!I know I'm being v irrational.Had a baby a few weeks ago and just really enjoying my time at home with the children.I want it all!

OP posts:

mercibucket · 29/06/2013 18:14

(long and confused, bear with me)

so they see your dd and recognise her, maybe want to say hi, but it is a bit weird in our culture to talk to children we dont know, except of course they do know her, but they dont know you, so you dont know they know each other, so ..........

they introduce themselves to you, saying 'i know your dd. i often see her with her granny'

sounds ok to me

ImNotBloody14 · 29/06/2013 18:26

I dont blame you op. enjoy it for as long as you can. The preschool years were the happiest for me with my dcs. Im so sad its over for me now. Unless i can find a fertile man sharpish!

DeckSwabber · 29/06/2013 18:30

I think other people are probably projecting - wishing their parents were as engaged as yours!

Original poster

Drhamsterstortoise · 29/06/2013 19:41

I shouldn't worry what other people think.I guess I am just v tired today and sometimes when I'm tired the little things become big things and I'm glad to have mumsnet for that!

OP posts:

itsaruddygame · 30/06/2013 09:33

One of my neighbours said they only ever see my baby with my husband. Well yes that's because when he gets home from work he takes him for a walk up the drive whilst I have 1/2 hour to shower/do laundry/start dinner. The other 23 and a half hours of the day he is with me and attached to my boobs!! I found it irritating so yanbu to find it annoying.

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