To feel totally grumpy (I kinda know I am being unreasonable but need some reassurance...)

[JesuslovesmethisIknow]

MIL - ooh where do I start?

11 years in to a relationship with DH. MIL has never accepted me. Has been vile. I mean vile. I actually feel a bit sorry for her as I think she has some underlying mental health stuff going on. However, she is a law unto herself...ie spread it about that I needed social work as had no bond with my children :( Thankfully most folk laughed as they know my guys are my life (and if anything I tie them to my apron strings). There have been too many incidents of this ilk.

Bottom line is she is toxic but she is still their grandmother and I have never tried to stop her seeing them, though we all meet together (as she was taking them aside and making them cry to stay at her house - when they were even too young to care / know).

My friends all say I am a mug but she is their maternal grandmother she left her own four children and disappeared off the planet when they were young for some fella she met yet says i do not have a bond with mine sigh

So..

she has rented a big house and wanted us to all (including DH siblings/families) to play happy families.

We are going tomorrow night overnight and I DO NOT want to go. I felt bullied into it by DH quite frankly as he wanted to take the kids down for a break (I am working / he is not).

I forsee trouble ahead.

Nothing with my MIL is straight forward and I am only learning to be assertive of late. It is my only two days off tomorrow and Monday.

I know I HAVE to go as I said a reluctant yes. But I am anxious about it and tired from work so feel under par to go.

Thats it really. I do hope I have not made myself sound like a saint. I am not but my MIL really is quite bonkers. A minister i knew once said that if she had been her MIL she would have driven her to drink . I find that quite fitting.

Please can you reassure me that this will be ok?

I cannot back out now. DH and kids would not be impressed.

I guess I gave in to DH as he is such a good husband, asks very little of me and has agreed to have her at a distance for years since he realised what she was like. ....this is not what I had in mind tho.... arghhh..... holidays with the MIL.....

Why can't he take the children and you stay at home?

I don't trust her not to say things about me to them now they are a bit older than toddlers.

She used to make them cry wanting to go to her house and thats when she only took them to the toilet when I was there.

I don't trust her and I would not leave anyone I do not trust with my kids.

And DH is too close to her (ie as in her son) to be objective.

It has taken years for the penny to dawn for him that she is out of line in so many areas.....

she also told them 'proper mummys' take their kids to swimming lessons and music lessons one other time. Yup, the oldest told me this and badgered me incessantly for a month afterwards.

That made me :( as we do not have the £ to do these things despite wanting to.

Do you have family? Does she know them? If it gets too much could you fake an emergency call. 'Oh I'm so sorry we have to go. My DM has had a fall and we're all needed at the hospital. SO sorry. Right DH let's load up the car and get going.'

Would that work?

Grin and bear it.

It's 2 days and she'll have other people to be batty at too so you might get a break.

Suss out where you are going before so you know where parks etc are and you can take the kids off to play and have a break from her mania.

I wouldn't go down the lying route.

lol red sadly Dh wouldnt partake in that. But good idea

cat the other families have bailed

so JUST US NOW OVERNIGHT.... oh and one niece.....

Still do the getting out and about as much as possible.

Ah bless you, you sound lovely fwiw and like your making a real effort. I don't know if this would work but could you try being as preoccupied as poss with 'looking after the children', so neither you or them are left on your own with her? Amd take a big old bottle of wine for when they've gone to bed!

My in laws in the early days were like this, I coped by doing all the cooking etc. That way I kept busy so nobody could accuse me of being uncooperative but I didnt have to directly interact with anybody. So I avoided a great deL of stress. Can you do something similar?

Sadly I think you have to do this. Remember the saying "Keep your friends close and your enemies closer", I'm not saying your MIL is an enemy but she sounds difficult enough that you are better being there to minimise the damage she can cause.

Agree with the others about keeping the children close to you and keeping yourselves busy to give her less chance to get them away from you. Plan activities like baking Grandma a cake, etc

aw thanks

yup am going to suck it up and get on with it

and enjoy my family inspite of the MIL from h*ll

wish me luck ladies!!!

UPDATE

I went , I sucked up her bad behaviour and am back.

Still in one piece and very proud.

She did say she was surprised how 'bonded' with me the children were as a parting shot however.

I simply waved at the mad old bat

Thanks for your advice guys xxxx

Well done. Sounds hellish.

Thanks

Remind her that "proper grannies" help out their families when they don't have the ££ to do things...

Respect to you OP

ha ha ha valentine how true