in thinking it's not the same thing?

[WestieMamma]

MN has already helped me establish that my mum, much as I love her, is most likely bonkers. Does her latest gem confirm this or is she right in thinking it's just me failing to see things from someone else's perspective? (I have AS so can have problems with this.)

My mum is currently visiting me for the first time since I emigrated nearly 10 years ago. I was opening up and telling her how difficult it has been over the years and how sad I think it is that people like my husband have to leave their country in order to find work. She said she understood because she went through it when my dad had to relocate for work when I was little. I don't know why but this really pushed my buttons and I got quite cross and told her that relocating 150 miles within England is hardly comparable with relocating thousands of miles away to a different country with a different language and all the difficulties emigrating entails. She's stropped off to bed.

Please tell me IANBU and she is indeed bonkers.

Goes off to scoff son's chocolate in a revengeful huff

Hmmm well I emigrated a few hundred miles to a country where I didn't speak the language, and it is bloody difficult. So I understand where you are coming from, but I think she was just trying to connect and share something with you.

Was she trying to 'one up' rather than emphasise though?

Was it an 'I understand' kind of statement or an 'I had it just as bad as you'?

I think it makes all the difference.

And I did read your thread about the grating chocolate for an 8 week old and she does sound a bit bonkers tbh.

Have a (very gentle) YABU. I can entirely understand why you felt that she was trying to either poo poo your difficulties or that you felt that she was trying to compete, but I suspect that in this case she was probably trying to empathise and find common ground. I can well imagine that 20? 30? years ago, moving 150 miles away was much like emigrating to another country, with only post and expensive phone calls for support. I suspect that, even now, moving that kind of distance would feel difficult. Of course there are particular problems with moving overseas, with the additional bureaucracy and cultural or language barriers and it is valid that you should feel that emigration is more difficult.

I am guilty of being, perhaps, oversensitive to things my DM and MIL say, simply because I am pre-prepared to be riled. Neither of them has the best turn of phrase. I can entirely understand how hard it is to sift what people are saying to you, when they have form for toxicity.

I hope you enjoy the strawberry fair and you get some decent sleep soon xx

If you let yourself keep getting worked up by everything and seeing it as more evidence she's 'bonkers', it's going to eat away at you. If you can't cope with her, cut contact. If you're keeping her in your life, stop picking holes in everything she does and/or develop selective hearing.

Or just tell her you don't think it's the same.