IABU to ask my XP for extra cash

[lovelifeat40]

My 16 y DD is having perm retainers fixed next friday which will cost £300. XP gives me £850 from CSA/month (for 2 DDs) but I feel that I should ask him for half the retainer's cost. I have been struggling with him to get the CSA payment, we used to have a private arrangement which he fobbed me off for many years. FYI the guy earns £6000/month after tax. Also my current DH has been of work for nearly 2 months as a contractor, so money is a bit tight this month. so IABU?

Wish my Ex paid £850 per month. Wish he paid anything TBH.

With regards to this, and any other expense he doesn't have to pay anything as he is already paying the minimum payment.

To be perfectly honest, £300 out of the £850 he is already paying isn't even half of a monthly payment.

And how much does it actually cost to have a 16 year old per month? even allowing for food,clothing, her 'portion' of food and heating as well as a roof over her head unless you live a very extravagant lifestyle I struggle to see how you don't have money left over?

£850 a month is a wage for an office worker, factory worker, shop assistant etc by the time you have taken tax and NI off.

And I do sympathise. My DP is also a contractor (wish he was on £100,000 per annum) and things can be up and down financially. But thats the nature of the game unfortunately.

Can't your 16 year old ask him? Presumably she asked you if she could have £300 of dental work and you said yes. So she makes the same request to him, saying you have agreed to pay half. If he says no then you will know that next time you ask first.

16 year olds don't normally do the asking when it comes to orthodontics.

Its usually a NHs appointment where you find out you can only have very basic braces and have a long wait to get them or get it done quicker with decent braces if you see the same orthodontist privately,when your dealing with 15/16yo its often better to do it privately as its cheaper for. Child than an adult and the waiting list often takes so long they cease to be classed as a child anyway.

Oh and £300 is very cheap so im guessing thats subsidised as my daughters cost over 2k with no subsidy.

What he is paying does seem quite generous compared to what I've heard other people get. It all depends on your financial circumstances and what you can afford. I don't think there is any absolute right or wrong here. And it isn't an essential expense but I can quite understand why you want the dental work done. But if he earns £6000 a month then of course he should pay.

Needaholiday - since when does an RP's partner's income have no contribution to their step-chid? If it wasn't for my partner we'd be living a much different life - my child's father pays a big fat zero.

Pinkballetflats i think previous poster is saying a new partners income cant be taken into account when calculating maintenance. op of course he should get a reduction in csa if he has the children... what expenses are they incurring at your house if he's got them?!? Otherwise yanbu you canonly ask but he can equally say no.

your dd does not need the retainers as you said its a luxury , you go on to say your DDs will one day realise what a tight arse he is and do not really care for their welfare . if they have you sniping about him thats exactly what they will think , do you mention he pays for them every month and that helps towards there welfare ? bitter much .

I dont think he is tight, £850 a month, plus the same matched by yourself and then CB and poss CTC on top is way more than it costs to feed and clothe 2 children.

Its not your exs fault your current husband has had no recent work, if he is a contractor then surely he sets aside money to cover periods of no work.

"My DH's income has nothing to do with my DDs, he is not the father and shoudn't have to fork out for extras."

You get 14% of your partners income after tax, £850 a month, a wage to some people, but would like extra. However a man that married a woman with children isn't at all financially responsible to the family he married into?

Talk about have your cake and eat it.

Given she's having them fitted next Friday it seems cheeky to now say you can't pay. If I were the NRP and the RP told me "X Needs these, they're £600, if I arrange for her to have them will you go halves?" I'd be more likely to stump up than "I have booked X for this, it is £600 and money is tight, please could you pay half."

Saidar,

The nrp gets a discount due to his new partners children,and none of her income is taken into account by the csa. His partner is not expected to fund his none resident children but her children get him a reduction.

15% is the minimum requirement before the deductions are taken out.

If its ok for the nrp's partner to have absolutely no liability as she is not a parent then it should also be ok for the pwc's partner no matter how much the minimum % works out to be in £.

You haven't a right to extra money and it could be argued that the 850 you get each month should cover costs of things like this if you were to budget properly.
You have a partner who works and you work I presume? 3 lots of money.
How much money your ex has left after paying CM isn't your business.

amazed at the amount of posters who do not read previous posts and take the liberty to criticise.
As a matter of fact, for some of you £850 is a lot of cash, maybe in your neck of the wood a rent is on average £500, unfortunately it is not mine, and before some idiots comment, I do not have the luxury of a choice where I live, I prioritise my DDs school location, as per their father's request.
Anyhow, as it happens, my DH has decided to pay for the retainers now.
Says it all!

Fwiw, my mortgage is over £1500 a month (which I pay myself, from my own salary). I still consider £850 is a considerable amount to receive as maintenance, and if I did get that much (I don't get a penny and never have) I certainly wouldn't be asking for more money on top for non essential expenses!

Children will cost what ever their parents earn and consider it acceptable for them to cost.

Low earning parents children will cost less as less things tend to be considered to be essential.

High earning parents children cost more because the parents will have more to spend on things they consider to be essential.

Its pretty piss poor if you have one or two high earning parents who chose minimal basics for their children ( unless the entire family lives like that) and only account for the basic costs of clothes and food whilst the adults have luxury and expensive lifestyles.

I think it's fair enough to ask him for extra money.

I have 2 friends who don't work and who are both technically disabled although they could both work, but would need some accessibility help. The mother doesn't work as her youngest is still 3, although in a year or two she's planning to do nursery work.

Anyway, he is on benefits and gets a fair amount of benefits (around £900/£1000 a month). His accommodation costs £200 a month so he has around £750 a month. However, he only pays £15 a week for the kids (both of them). They are still going through things in court as he refuses to pay more than that. Thing is though he always updates on Facebook about going to eat out at least 2 times a week and goes for drinks at least once a week as well as buying himself expensive games and the like. If he was single I'd not even bat an eyelid but he's a Dad and he refused to pay extra for a school trip the other week (just £25) without giving a reason. He is my friend too as he can be a very nice bloke, but I just think this is beyond selfish. I know it's probably not my right to judge but how can I not judge, really?

It just makes me :( when people don't put the effort in for their kids. I hope he puts in effort by visiting them?