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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask you to tell me to get a grip!!!!

56 replies

prettyfiestyforasmallone · 27/06/2013 21:33

Ok this is my first ever post....

Im sat on my sofa crying my heart out and I need to get a grip!!!!

My dad went into hospital 4 weeks ago for a heart operation. . He was meant to be home after 5 days...

The op went well but he suffered some major complications and is now on life support it has come as such a massive massive shock and im not coping well.... he is awake but he had a stroke 3 days ago.... he has had a tracheostomy fitted so cant talk but I can lip read most of what he says...

Ive just got home after spending all day with him.... all he keeps saying is please dont leave me.. why am I here and is crying...

Me and my mum had a meeting with the consultant yesterday and they are now trying him on the last antibiotics that they can and if they dont work there is nothing else they can do and will look at making him comfortable and turnung off support so he will pass away...

My grandma my dads mum is 91 and very switched on she hasnt been to see my dad as she is in a home and I hadnt told her how poorly he was... she had a fall yesterday and was unconscious I was with her at the time and went in the ambulance with her but have been told she hasnt long left...

I also broke up with my partner of 11 years a month ago I just dont know how much more I can take!!!

If anyone has got to the end please pour yourself a massive glass of wine xxxx

OP posts:
BlackeyedSusan · 27/06/2013 22:59

oh love, all these mixed feelings about you wanting him to go because he is in pain, but not wanting him to go are completely normal.

it is really tough holding it together for you little one, but needing to greve as well, for 3 things at once too.

Burmillababe · 27/06/2013 23:29

Oh you poor thing - you definitely do not need a grip! Haven't any real practical advice (although kleptronic's list is brilliant) but sending you hugs and Flowers

crazykat · 27/06/2013 23:30

Thank you. Just remember its okay to feel mixed up or even not to know how you feel. The worst thing you can do is bottle it up and try to be strong all the time.

One thing I've learned is that it's fine to go to pieces and have a big old cry, in fact it can be a big help.

It is really hard seeing someone you love very ill and/or in pain. Especially a parent as we seem to think our parents are invincible and will always be there just like they have our whole life, even if as adults we know it isn't possible it's still hard when faced with a situation like this.

Big hugs xx

Original poster
prettyfiestyforasmallone · 27/06/2013 23:42

Thats a great list kleptronic :)

Youre right crazy you do think they are invisible. . Hes only 61 and thats just too young..

My lovely ex called round with chocolate and super soft tissues which was very kind... and you are all really helping its so nice to have people s support (even over a computer) xxx

OP posts:
facedontfit · 27/06/2013 23:51

Fiery, you are not awful, you are human. No one wants a loved one to suffer. You love your dad and your dad loves you, you want whats best for him. Have been in your situation as many others have too. Sending you love, strength & hope.

thebody · 28/06/2013 09:10

Poor all of you sweetheart.

You are right 61 is too young and cruel and unfair and you have a right to feel exactly as you do.

Try to eat, sleep and just being with those people you love is comfort.

Massive hugs xxxxxx

FobblyWoof · 28/06/2013 09:16

Wow, you don't need a grip. You need a very big hug. Dealing with just one of those things must be so difficult, but all three at the same time? You need Wine on tap

Emilythornesbff · 28/06/2013 09:27

I'm so sorry.
You poor thing.

I have no idea whether this is helpful but I was a pt in ICU for a while. I was very ill.
It was nice to have visitors and I was scared at times but once they were gone I just slept and slept.
The gaps in between were just foggy. I never lay there feeling lonely when there was no one there. I was just tired with being poorly.
And ime staff in cicu are usually very good.

Sorry if that sounds like a clumsy thing to say.
You have so much on.
(())

SparkyTGD · 28/06/2013 09:37

So sorry, agree with others, you don't need a grip you need Flowers

My DDad died at age 61 from short & sudden cancer. It was very quick, he went from being fit & active to very ill within about 4 months, shocking.

All you can do is look after yourself ( & DS), your mum & anyone else close, don't try to be a tower of strength, you are human too.

Original poster
prettyfiestyforasmallone · 28/06/2013 09:38

Morning Emily.... thank you so much... it gives me hopethat hes not too upset when we leave him... spoke to the nurse this morning he was a little upset in the night and kept saying he wanted to go home.. but hes asleep now..

Going to see him and my grandma in an hour xx

OP posts:
Original poster
prettyfiestyforasmallone · 28/06/2013 09:41

Sorry about your dad sparky... xx

OP posts:
AllThatGlistens · 28/06/2013 09:45

Sending huge hugs and Flowers for you OP, you're going through an incredibly tough time. There's always, always a hand to hold here whenever you need someone.

Thinking of you and your family today x

wonderingsoul · 28/06/2013 09:50

you deffinatly dont need a grip,

your going through a very hard time, life can be so unfair, any one would be hard to deal with, but throw all three together im surrpised your doing as well as you are.

i hope your vist t oday is a good one, i shall be thinking of you today, i know its nothign really but the mn vipers are here to hold your hand and to lend an ear.

BookieMonster · 28/06/2013 09:50

Rather than a grip, how about a hand to hold? Flowers
I'm so sorry you're going through this. Lots of support is here whenever you need it.

Original poster
prettyfiestyforasmallone · 28/06/2013 09:52

I can honestly say I am a little overwhelmed by all your kindness.... I have been a lurker for a long time and this post really helped me last night so thank you again xxxx

OP posts:
ChippingInWiredOnCoffee · 28/06/2013 10:06

Morning fiesty - I just wanted to send you some more love & strength to get through another day. You are going through so so much, it's draining isn't it :(

Is your Grandma in the same hospital as your Dad now or is she back at the home?

I hope your wee boy has a nice time at his Dad's... I hope you are able to be relaxed about him being with his Dad? There's nothing wrong with you still saying to your Dad that you need to go to collect Sam, it's a little white lie that wont hurt anyone if you need a bit of space.

Take care
x

Earthymama · 28/06/2013 10:13

Oh, pretty!
You feel overwhelmed because all of this is overwhelming.
I have no words of wisdom, just some love and Blessings to send your way.
You will find so much comfort in your lovely boy, when you cwtch him, remember that you and your father share that loving relationship too.
Thinking of you and your family today xx

Balaboosta · 28/06/2013 10:16

Sending you very best wishes. Whatever you feel is valid - no such thing as awful! Don't add to your sadness by feeling guilt at your (perfectly understandable) feelings xxx

ElleMcFearsome · 28/06/2013 10:18

Dear girl, what an awful time you're having. Nothing to add to what's been said other than more and a Brew (as it's probably too early for Wine) Sending blessings your way too.

Original poster
prettyfiestyforasmallone · 28/06/2013 10:35

Morning Chipping. . Shes in the same hospital they are keeping her comfortable but there is nothing they can do for her...I dont think she will get to the weekend to be honest...
Sam adores being at his dads so no worries there he will be busy building with him :)) x

OP posts:
chillynose · 28/06/2013 10:56

You poor thing
That is such alot to happen to you in a short space of time Hmm
Breaking up of your relationship must have been so hard Confused
Now your dad and grandma are both very ill at the same time
Hope that things omprove

ChippingInWiredOnCoffee · 28/06/2013 11:21

fiesty - that's very sad news about your Grandma :( It's hard when they were doing OK until they had a fall, it just seems to take it out of them. I hope you can spend some time with her today and give her lots of hugs and tell her anything you want her to know x

I'm glad Sam will be happy and you are happy with him there - it makes life a lot easier.

I hope you have eaten something and had something to drink - we can't have you getting ill you know x

Original poster
prettyfiestyforasmallone · 28/06/2013 11:47

Just had to leave the ward I cant bare it... he just keeps asking me to take him home. ... he says the nurses are hurting him :( I actually think my heart is broken for him..because of the stroke he doesn't understand why he is there.... wibu to just run away and hide in a dark room? Xxx

OP posts:
ChippingInWiredOnCoffee · 28/06/2013 12:13

Oh love :(

Could you, your Mum & your brother be there around the clock so he feels 'safe'? We had to do that when my godson was in hospital.

Have you spoken to any of the staff? Is he responding to the AB's?

I wish we could be there to give you real hugs & sit with you
x

Original poster
prettyfiestyforasmallone · 28/06/2013 12:24

We cant stay as cicu say he needs to rest which he does spoke to the consultant sgsin he doesn't look like hes responding at the moment xx

OP posts: