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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Was I rude today to not let him in ?

49 replies

BoysRule · 27/06/2013 21:13

This has been praying on my mind today so I need some opinions as to whether I was rude.

A man knocked at the door today - he was wearing a bib and had an ID tag around his neck. I didn't really see the name of the company. It was a children's charity and he was asking for a monthly direct debit. I told him that we have several direct debits for various charities and we couldn't give to any others (this is true). He then said that he wasn't supposed to ask this but he needed the toilet and could he use mine.

I am not normally this ballsy but something just made me say, sorry, I'd rather you didn't. DS2 was upstairs asleep and something just made me uncomfortable - he was one of those over friendly people (trained to be so I am sure) and I just had images of him coming in and something bad happening.

Anyway, it has prayed on me since as he really did only need the toilet I am sure. Was I rude?

OP posts:

Magnificunt · 27/06/2013 21:42

I think I would've said no too, bit I probably would have dithered and spluttered and probably felt guilty afterwards.

There's a book I once read, it's been mentioned on here before but I can't remember what it's called, about trusting your instincts and your fifth sense.

JamieandtheMagicTorch · 27/06/2013 21:47

It's perfectly possible, even likely, that he just wanted to use the loo. But scammers prey exactly on those feelings of guilt and obligation, which is what makes them so successful.

spangledboots · 27/06/2013 21:52

I wouldn't have let someone into my flat either - and I don't have any kids - so I think you were being perfectly reasonable. He should have known better than to ask. Don't feel guilty.

AmyFarrahFowlerCooper · 27/06/2013 21:58

I think you were perfectly reasonable too. I'm quite paranoid about strangers in the house and declined when the Tesco delivery guy asked to use the loo the other week. He probably did just want to use the loo but it still made me uncomfortable. I think you definitely did the right thing saying no. I do think sometimes men asking to use the toilet should consider the fact that perhaps a woman might be home alone and maybe they should ask at a house where a man answers. But then I suppose that's maybe why some do ask a woman :/

Ginderella · 27/06/2013 21:59

Never let any stranger - male or female into your house. It is a well known con trick. Whilst the man is "using the loo", his accomplice will knock on the door to distract you. The first man will then use this time to look for anything small and valuable - handbag for your purse, rings, mobile phone etc.

If you appear vulnerable or live on your own, they will come back just as it gets dark. As you open the door, they will push you to the floor and steal what they can from you.

NEVER let any stranger into your house under any circumstances.

Jan49 · 27/06/2013 22:04

Never mind about feeling you're being rude. You were absolutely right to say no. Unfortunately whilst he may have been genuine he could also have been trying to get in the house to then push you into signing up for the charity or could have been a potential criminal.

However, if we follow Ginderella' rule, then we wouldn't allow male plumbers, electricians or builders in the house.

AmyFarrahFowlerCooper · 27/06/2013 22:06

Oh my god ginderella I never thought of that :( scary scary stuff

JamieandtheMagicTorch · 27/06/2013 22:08

Jan

Gingerella meant unsolicited callers, not people we've booked to do work in the house.

HeffalumpTheFlump · 27/06/2013 22:13

Yanbu - but I did once do the complete opposite. Two salesmen for an energy company knocked to try and get me to change over to them. I wasn't interested, but then one asked if he could use the loo. I didnt really think about it and just said yes. It was fine, but I did think afterwards that it was probably not the best idea. He could have been a really dodgy bloke!!

I did also realise that I had dropped a pair of knickers in there on the way out after my shower not long before... Oh dear.

ICantRememberWhatSheSaid · 27/06/2013 22:58

It is very very likely that he was perfectly OK and just needed the toilet but you still did the right thing.

YANBU

Burmillababe · 27/06/2013 23:21

Well done OP - you did the right thing! Even if you had been rude, and he had been offended, it was better than letting a stranger into your home! You acted on your gut feeling, absolutely the right thing to do!

freddiefrog · 27/06/2013 23:30

I don't think it's rude no, but even if it is, it's your house and you can let in whoever you please

I think it's a bit of a ploy to get in your house though, a couple of months ago DH let one use the downstairs loo, once in he started laying it on thick about the 'poor children' he was collecting for. He'd obviously seen the kids shoes lined up in the shoe rack, a couple of photos in the hall so used it for some emotional blackmail

I've had them ask a couple of times since and always said no

SquinkiesRule · 28/06/2013 05:58

You did the right thing OP trust your gut feeling.
Magnificunt Was the book Protecting the gift and The gift of fear both written by Gavin DeBecker. They are really good books, I nearly threw them in my donation box but I'm keeping them, they need to be re read every now and then.

rumbelina · 28/06/2013 06:27

He was rude to have put you in that situation.

rumbelina · 28/06/2013 06:28

I mean position

wharrgarbl · 28/06/2013 06:37

There's a book I once read, it's been mentioned on here before but I can't remember what it's called, about trusting your instincts and your fifth sense.

The Gift of Fear, by Gavin de Becker.

TweedWasSoLastYear · 28/06/2013 08:44

I dont like the door - door chugger types ( prob wise not to let him in btw) .
I am pretty certain the d 2 d callers are on NMW + commision . They do not work for the NSPCC / RSPCA either .
A chugger co. contacts a big charity and offers eg £2,000,000 if they can do a 6mth campaign using their name + reputation. They aim to collect say £3,000,000. They pay students / temps joke money to keep costs low. the amount the collect less their costs+ donation = their profit.
makes for pushy sigh ups , plus a potentil chunk of your donation going elsewhere

pianodoodle · 28/06/2013 11:06

No that sounds sensible. I had a lot of young guys calling at my door recently with leaflets and something just didn't seem right (why didn't they just post it through the letterbox?) and I stopped answering the door altogether.

Following all the callers the house next door was burgled during the day and I just wonder if this was a ruse to find out who was in regularly and who wasn't?

Pendeen · 28/06/2013 12:16

No harm in him asking, not rude of you politely to refuse.

I'm sure most reasonable people would understand why.

LineRunner · 28/06/2013 12:22

You are absolutely right to refuse entry.

Anyway he should know where the nearest pub, supermarket, shopping centre or public loo is.

EarlyInTheMorning · 28/06/2013 12:28

You did the right thing by not letting him in and he really shouldn't have asked.

FridaKarlov · 28/06/2013 12:58

Not unreasonable at all, it's letting a strange man into your house.

ceebie · 28/06/2013 13:06

YANBU.

He could have detoured to the nearest public toilet, cafe / pub, bush. He could have waited until he found a house with a male present, so that he would not be making a female who was home alone (with child) feel vulnerable.

Instead, he decided to put you in that position. If you were a bloke, would you choose such a house for such a request? A decent bloke wouldn't.

Alisvolatpropiis · 28/06/2013 17:06

No you weren't.

I wouldn't have let him in.

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