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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Hubby got himself a sports car...& says it was our 10 years Anniversary gift... what a crop!

14 replies

sara36 · 27/06/2013 19:27

So my 34 year old husband got a sports car for $22000 without consulting with me. We have 4 small kids, no savings and I am not working because I am stay at home mom. I resent him for doing this to me! It is bad now because I don't trust him and feel like I am not worth anything to him, since he didn't feel like even telling me about this .... just drove in it and now he rides it with his buddies and ex brother in law, like as if he is single and on top of the world. Help, how can I get out of feeling so sick and hurt by him? I was never that selfish, didn't get a ring even that I always dream of after giving him 2 boys and 2 girls... just like he wanted. I don't know what to say, I didn't realize I lived with such a selfish man, who doesn't care that there is no money saved but opens credit card to pay for it. I never asked for sh... After 4 kids, I am still cute, well kept and feel like this is not enough for him... I can't ask him to sell it back, bec. he won't do it. Is he so unhappy that he had to get this toy? Please some one, any one help me understand what I should do? Thanks!

OP posts:

fairylightsinthespring · 27/06/2013 19:37

Bloody hell, do you really need us to tell you? You don't trust him, he treats you and the family unit like crap and is a selfish arse. Leave. My sympathies for being married to such a complete twat but please don't let him do this to you and let your kids think that is how a relationship should look. Good luck.

attheendoftheday · 27/06/2013 20:49

Spending that sort of money without discussing it is not good! Has he bought it or is it on credit? Can you afford it?

If you are super wealthy then I'd be asking for a similar amount of money to do with as I pleased. If not, then it's hugely selfish to spend that sum on himself rather than the family, and I'd want the car to go back.

Does he care that you're upset? Is he often so selfish? I'd be having a good look at my relationship tbh.

lillibet1 · 27/06/2013 22:13

ynbu but can I have one to must ask DH

Startail · 27/06/2013 22:24

Sports cars fine as long as I'm on the insurance and he has the kids on nice summer evenings while I get to drive off with the roof down.

Else he's a twat

Bobyan · 27/06/2013 22:36

Ltb

Original poster

sara36 · 28/06/2013 03:08

He told me that it was for us, to drive on our date nights when we ever have one... He is in dog house... now for a week... and I think he will stay there until I can trust him again some day. I believe that I can't leave him.. not until I know it is trully the end. I made a promise for better or worse.. and now is the worse.. I will just have to buy myself some few nice things and maybe it will help me feel little better... or not.
Thanks for your commands...

OP posts:

Rulesgirl · 28/06/2013 03:23

Do you really never ever have date nights? Is there no possibility that he means what he said, that he bought it for the two of you to go out in as an anniversary present? Just checking ....

SquinkiesRule · 28/06/2013 03:46

So do you own half then?
I'd want to sell my half to someone else, make him share with them.
What a knob.

Miamiami · 28/06/2013 09:06

Looks like he is having a midlife crisis....

Emilythornesbff · 28/06/2013 09:09

Sorry. Ime men can be funny about cars (disclaimer:IME) I have to roll my eyes about DH buying "important for work" coupe for lots and lots of money. However, although not wealthy, we've savings and he also fitted it with specialist baby seats (nightmare to get in and out) for the DCs. It still irks me that it was something he felt he was entitled to. I would have prefered to invest any spare cash, but I am a thrifty type (Lidl shopper) and he much less so (you guessed it "waitrose man").

Is this a one off that you can Let go?
Or is he a knob?

Fairylea · 28/06/2013 09:34

This would be a deal breaker for me. How did he afford it if you have no savings etc?

If my dh did this to me I'd say to him either he sells the car and we spend the money together or he leaves. It's a massive breach of trust. But then in our relationship we have joint finances and share all our money and have equal spending money. Neither of us have ever taken the piss with money.

I think your dh has behaved like an idiot.

Original poster

sara36 · 28/06/2013 16:34

He got a this car on a loan and simply loves it... happier than ever before because it was his childhood dream to own this piece of sh... , I feel the time would come for him to get it sooner or later. But like a child.. why wait? he wanted now .. so I wasn't about to stop him.. that's why I believe he was afraid or didn't want me to know he is getting it. I am not the same.. I believe that our relationship is damage, but it can be repaired.... He needs to earn my respect, he lost it... and i need to get finally what I wanted... that ring and that vacation.

OP posts:

Bearbehind · 28/06/2013 22:54

Seriously, you have issues. You seem more bothered that you haven't got a ring and a holiday than anything else.......not materialistic in any way.

Your plan to buy youself some nice things to make up for it is beyond words.

You both sound as bad as each other.

Purple2012 · 28/06/2013 22:57

Bloody hell, my DH wouldn't even spend more than a fiver of joint money on himself without asking me if I mind. I would be pissed off in your situation.

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