Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

Original poster

to have reacted this way?

15 replies

Futterby · 27/06/2013 16:47

Okay, a bit of background. It's long, sorry.

My sister (16) is in a "relationship" with a girl from another country who she's never met. I think they met through Facebook. Don't get me wrong, if you meet someone online and wish to have a relationship with them, go for it but this girl my sister talks about seems dodgy and I'm not totally happy with my sister being so infatuated with her.

Anyway, my sister came over to my flat today so we could spend a day together, just the two of us. We were sitting chatting while she was on her phone (messaging this girl) when she asked me for the password to my wireless. I gave it to her on the condition that she wouldn't sit on her phone all day so that we could actually spend some time together, which she accepted.

Four hours later, she hadn't once put her phone down. She spent the entire time messaging this girl over Facebook, even though she knows I'm not entirely happy with their relationship and we were supposed to be spending some time together. I tried saying to her, nicely, that she had told me she wouldn't be on her phone the whole time and asking her if she would mind putting it down for a while.

Ten minutes later she suddenly pipes up "Oh, by the way, I have to go and phone this girl because I told her I would at this time." I tried asking her if she could call her later on, when the movie we were watching was finished or when she left the flat, and she flipped and went out into the close to call her anyway.

When she came back in, I reminded her that she had told me we could spend some time together and I asked her to delete the password to our wifi seeing as it was given to her on the condition that she wouldn't use it constantly when she flipped again and started ranting about, well nothing really, so I left the room for five minutes to try and avoid getting angry at her when I heard my front door slam and she was gone.

I'm currently sitting in tears, so upset at the situation, although that might be because I'm 18 weeks pregnant and really hormonal. Was I wrong?

OP posts:

LaurieFairyCake · 27/06/2013 16:51

Of course you're not wrong but you should just have kicked her out after 5 minutes of her messaging.

She's 16. My 15 year old I have to count down like a toddler if I want her to do something - so, in 5 minutes you will be putting the phone down, in 2 minutes etc etc.

Or I'd have turned the router off and just said it had stopped working.

Original poster

Futterby · 27/06/2013 16:56

The thing is though, I wouldn't act like a parent towards her because I'm 18 and we're normally really close, so I didn't want to cause the whole "you're not my mum, fuck off" argument.

OP posts:

HollyBerryBush · 27/06/2013 16:56

TBH she's 16, and you are how old? Because if you cant remember what its like at 16 to be 'in love' then you must be ancient. I'm not understanding the 'spend time together' thing either - you are either easy in each others company, or not - I certainly wouldn't be expecting my sibling to visit and entertain me, which is how your post comes across.

Yes she's rude, outside of family, the perpetual need to be pawing at facebook and constantly messaging annoys me - but in house, with family? It's not a big deal.

What were your plans for this time together?

Imnotaslimjim · 27/06/2013 16:59

I certainly wouldn't be expecting my sibling to visit and entertain me, which is how your post comes across

but surely you would expect them to chat with you, and not be messaging someone else the whole time they are with you? 16 or not, its very ignorant to do that in someone else's company

Original poster

Futterby · 27/06/2013 17:01

I'm 18. I didn't, at all, expect her to come and entertain me but I did expect to be able to have a conversation with her without her actually forgetting what we were talking about. We had planned to watch some movies together, is it such a chore to watch a movie with your sibling and actually see enough of it to know what's going on?

The thing is, every time she has a new "relationship" (none of which she has actually met in person) it's the same shit over and over again.

OP posts:

HollyBerryBush · 27/06/2013 17:03

I'd be pottering about cooking, washing ironing etc and having disjointed conversations - as I said, you are either easy in your siblings company or it's all a bit of an effort.

As there doesn't seem any thing planned eg going out, sorting through baby clothes, decorating whatever, it all seems like a non-event really.

Certainly not worth having a hissy fit and crying over.

Original poster

Futterby · 27/06/2013 17:05

That's a bit rude, don't you think? To do your housework while trying to have quality time with a sibling? I certainly wouldn't be washing my dishes while trying to watch Lord of the Rings with my sister

OP posts:

Original poster

Futterby · 27/06/2013 17:06

And would you mind explaining your definition of a "hissy fit" please? I don't think asking her to remove her access to my internet qualifies.

OP posts:

HollyBerryBush · 27/06/2013 17:21

No but we are close - seeing as Bro spent last week dossing on my sofa between house moves - I fail to see why my house should stop running because he's parked his arse there

I suppose if I were tres posh like Hyacinth, I would be more entertaining

You're crying, your sister had a hissy fit.

Original poster

Futterby · 27/06/2013 17:24

I hadn't seen my sister in two weeks and as for the crying, like I said, I'm 18 weeks pregnant and very hormonal so if I want to have a cry I will.

Totally different situation. If my sister was staying with us, it would be different but for her to come over and not actually spend any time with me when she knew I was really looking forward to seeing her is a bit out of order, I think.

OP posts:

Mia4 · 27/06/2013 19:29

YANBU OP, nothing annoys me more then when i have one certain friend over who 'desperately wants to catch up and spend time' and then her and her other half are constantly texting and we're interrupted by several phone calls. We couldn't even go to a celebratory party the other day without him phoning her 6 times and her calling him. She wonders why no one wants to spend 1on1 time with her.

I find it really rude if it's constant, a few minutes here and there-fine-but constant is really rude when you've arranged to spend time. Why did she even bother coming over? Just to use your wifi?

I'd have turned it off. Fair enough she's young and in love but she has to learn it's rude to go and see someone to spend time, then sit there and ignore them in favour of something she could be doing (and sounds like she is doing) any other time on any other day. It's not like you see her constantly, and yes it is out of order. I wouldn't hold a grudge or stay annoyed OP but next time a) don't give her wifi and b) ask her to leave if she's no intention of actually spending time on the grounds that you have other people in your life who really want to and you could spend it with them.

WhoNickedMyName · 27/06/2013 19:36

YABU for not simply turning your wireless off. Problem solved.

Original poster

Futterby · 27/06/2013 19:49

Thanks Mia :)

WhoNicked, I don't actually know how to turn it off tbh.

OP posts:

Mia4 · 28/06/2013 19:31

You're welcome Futterby, for an easy turn off just shut off the power- It should be plugged into the wall. As long as you don't use Sky or Virgin demand and aren't d/ling then, you should be fine. Hope she's being less of an arse today.

cozietoesie · 28/06/2013 20:01

Oh - and change your wifi password. Who knows who has got it by now.

Flip

Swipe left for the next trending thread