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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to give this man the flick?

43 replies

drfayray · 27/06/2013 15:41

I apologise for the preamble but hate drip feeding...

I have been trying online dating... (oh joy...) and met quite a few men...but out of all of them have found one to be quite pleasant. We have met twice in a month. Both times have been great; we both talked and talked and really got on well. I find him very attractive and I think he feels the same way about me...

Now he works shifts (works for Immigration) and lives in the Sunshine Coast (I am in Brisbane but he works in Brisbane). When he is off, he goes up the coast to stay with his father where he is building a boat...

He is not a great communicator but does text from time to time. I asked him if he would give up one of his free days to spend some time for us to get to know each other under more relaxed conditions (previously met after his work which he finds stressful) and he agreed and thought it was a great idea. Now, he hasn't made this date yet...cos of his work plus he went to Melbourne (just got back two days ago).

I hadn't heard anything from him so I sent him a text basically asking him if he was still interested in meeting me or had he met someone else? If he had, well, such is life and I would survive the disappointment but being a straightforward woman, would appreciate a nod either way. Well, he replied straightaway saying that yes he still wanted to meet up with me. But he was still not in Bris and would contact me when he got back...

Yesterday, I just sent him a text regarding the amazing news re: our new Prime Minister and he replied then said he would ring me the next day as it was late and he was going to bed.

He has not rung me at all nor texted today.

I do not understand this at all. I have been out of the dating game a long time, true...but surely this is not on? Why say he is still interested in me but act like he isn't?

Why such twattish behaviour? This is driving me crazy and I really don't need this right now as going through some other batshit stuff.

Should I just give this man the flick? The annoying thing is ...he is the most promising man in terms of looks, intelligence, etc of the lot (and I have met a lot...) and a small part of me doesn't want to flick him orf because I feel like I won't meet anyone half way normal again...which is a stupid reason I know .

Please MN, help me...

OP posts:

digerd · 28/06/2013 06:43

I think it all depends on you and what you want from a man.
Some women would not mind playing second fiddle to a man's boat, if he is otherwise everything else you want. Better a boat than other women, I say.
Nobody is perfect.

pictish · 28/06/2013 08:37

Certainly I would say that you should go back to looking and keeping your options open.
Let him chase you for a bit - sit back and see if he's willing to make the effort. If this is how it's going to be, then who needs it? I need to feel like someone is enthusiatic about me. If he's not, then you are settling and he's the wrong guy.

As an asides, there are a few hobby widows on mn here, and while I do sympathise with them, it's just as bad if a fella has NO hobbies or interests, beause inevitably the onus falls on you as sole source of entertainment.

Don't write him off completely, but sure as hell don't be busting a gut over him either. Stay canny and carry on being single.

MadBusLady · 28/06/2013 08:44

Lol at "boatwife", sounds quite Chaucer.

I'm against the grain for once, unless I've misunderstood you this sounds like a very short timescale. He got back from Melbourne two days ago and you've initiated two rounds of texting since then, both of which he replied to immediately. I don't think because he wasn't straight on the phone to arrange to meet up you can assume he isn't interested.

I agree saying he's going to call/text on a certain day and then not doing it is annoying, but as far as I can see that's the only thing he's done wrong.

Original poster

drfayray · 28/06/2013 09:08

He initiated the texting not me
Yeah... He is busy with work and he told me today he is looking for a flat in north Brisbane to be nearer work ( and then he can see me more he said) and that is keeping him busy.

I am going to relax and not fuss. He is nice - we had an invigorating exchange re politics and he feels the way I do about KRudd that is good.

And better to have hobbies - my tango takes up a bit of my time plus my other friends etc so all is fair.

Thanks for the advice.

I am not going to be looking online but am open to anything else that might happen...but I need to focus on other more important things closer to home.

He looks like Liam Neeson

OP posts:

cozietoesie · 28/06/2013 09:22

It's all that outdoor living and exercise, drfay.

Just stay relaxed - who knows, after all.

digerd · 28/06/2013 11:08

I love Tango music and dance - so full of subtle passion and seduction

StepAwayFromTheEcclesCakes · 28/06/2013 11:18

it sounds like you get on so keep busy with your own life and see him when you can no need for it to become serious just have fun together and see where it leads.

Original poster

drfayray · 28/06/2013 12:20

Tango is amazing!!
I love the music ( my teachers are fond of music from 1930s and 40s from Argentina. Swoony stuff.

Yes. I am just going to continue with my life, enjoy it and see how it goes

Thank you all so much for posting. It is nice to get different views and am vair amused by the boat widows!

OP posts:

OHforDUCKScake · 28/06/2013 12:20

Actually, I dont think you'd do too bad being patient. When I first met my childrens dad about 100 years ago he was obsessed with a van he was building back from the grave. It took a lot of his time. It was his baby. I hated that baby

This fella sounds hot, nice, passionate about hobbies, and he text to say he was sorry and was honest why. And its nice that hes thinking of you in consideration of his move to Brisban.

Like you said, just relax and let time roll past and what will be will be.

Id continue to reply, but no longer initiate texts.

Good luck!

Original poster

drfayray · 29/06/2013 08:04

Oh for ducks sake thank you for that!

I agree. And really, I am in no hurry. This time I would like to go slow with whomever I have a relationship with as the last one was odd...

Boatie is cute and smart. I like that. And our names are start with the same letter and mine has every letter of his plus 2 extra - that is also cute.

Thanks again

OP posts:

Original poster

drfayray · 29/06/2013 08:05

Oh and he has been texting ( first!) vair regularly too...

OP posts:

cozietoesie · 29/06/2013 08:12

There you go. It might actually work out fine for you, who can tell. At least you would be going in with your eyes open, eh?

Good luck

PS - Here's some reading for you.

\link{http://www.hellyhansen.com.au/\new outfits}

Lazyjaney · 29/06/2013 08:22

At least you know who his mistress is - but she is also a demanding one

learnasyougo · 29/06/2013 08:51

you texted him about the 'amazing news about the new prime minister' (like it's good news) bur maybe he hates Rudd and he's realised your political views are incompatible.

I'd drop someone if I found out they read the daily mail, for example.

Original poster

drfayray · 29/06/2013 09:00

Amazing in how it happened ! I am not a KRudd ite and neither is he.

OP posts:

Original poster

drfayray · 29/06/2013 09:02

Cozietoesie! That is vair hideous!! I am a dressy wumman ( see my pix)

OP posts:

helenthemadex · 29/06/2013 15:07

Naice clothes

Original poster

drfayray · 29/06/2013 15:56

They are NOT naice...

I dress for Tango - sultry with a large fleur and high heeled dance shoes in colored satin...

Oh dear

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