I have been a (very happy!) single parent for a number of years; my ex was abusive, so I fled the home with my kids, and obtained a non-molestation order. Ex has flitted in and out of kids lives, had numerous girlfriends/wives, often refusing contact, and now exerts a lot of emotional abuse not only on me but on kids, telling them your mother is evil, etc.
I have been the kids stable parent, attending every school play, parents eve etc - ex has not attended any and eldest now in secondary school. Last year he breached a court order by not returning them to school after contact weekend. We have been in and out of court. I have now since found out that exp went into school and saw HT with his current girlfriend present and they discussed my dc. It is quite likely that exp accused me of child protection issues (he did to SS and they did a report and it was proven false). A week later my dc was excluded from school for an 'incident' in the playground. The Social worker said she was going to give school feedback as she felt dc shouldn't have been excluded. I have complained about the exclusion and the Governors conceded that there were aspects of it that did not comply with their policies.
With this new revelation that ex saw HT prior to exclusion, I have now contacted HT and asked her what meeting was about with ex, and politely asked if she had considered informing me. She abruptly said "I don't have to in the same way that I don't have to tell him every time I meet with you.". I was a bit taken aback by her response, as she knows full well what a tosser he is! I wrote a polite email to the governors and asked what their policy is on communicating with separated parents, and if I could meet with the HT and a governor to explain my situation and agree a way forward. I have just received a very stroppy letter from the chair of governors telling me to get legal advice and that they are "under no obligation to tell me if they speak to him!". I am fully aware that parental responsibility gives him the right to have input to the children's education, but I would have no objection to the school telling him if they had a meeting with me, as it would inevitably be about the kids.
So my questions are: What reason could they possibly have not to tell me if they have met with him? The SS report states my dc is sensitive to the issues around contact, so surely the school have an obligation to let me know what ex is discussing? I also have a huge issue with them discussing my DCs with another woman in the room. Is that right? Do your schools have policies on this and how do other single parents communicate with the school? Ex is on the school mailing list, but chooses not to attend any events etc
I am at my wits end with this school now. He has undoubtedly fed them a load of lies about me, and it is interesting that HT's attitude towards me has changed considerably since then. I firmly believe that DCs behaviour could have been down to emotional abuse by ex, and the school have adopted a "not our problem" attitude towards it. Am I being unreasonable to ask the school to hear my point of view, to agree a way forward, and that they should inform me of anything discussed with ex? (Equally they can inform him of my meetings). Any advice on how to proceed please??!