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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask everyone not to kiss my newborn?

20 replies

ditsydoll · 27/06/2013 10:03

My dad and mil are prone to nasty coldsores. My mil has one at the minute and iv asked her not to handle my newborn to avoid her spreading it to him.
I'm thinking of just asking them all to not kiss my baby at all while he's so small.
How would I go about saying it without sounding like a loony? I don't want them to think I'm being mean but it makes me really nervous.

OP posts:
CandidaDoyle · 27/06/2013 10:07

YANBU. The cold sore virus can be really serious in newborns, even fatal in extreme cases. So no it's not loony to ask your mil to be kissing your baby.

MrsBungle · 27/06/2013 10:10

I had to do this with dsil! I've never in my life had a cold sore and so I was worried my babies would have no immunity. Dsil gets loads.

I just said to her that as I've never had a cold sore would she mind not kissing etc. she was totally fine. I did feel slightly like a loon though!

themonsteratemyspacebar · 27/06/2013 10:12

Wasn't there a huge news story about this a couple of months ago? Where the dad kissed his baby etc and she ended up dying? Sad
Maybe you should look up the story and show them that just to prove a point. YANBU in my opinion.

Just realised gow harsh this sounds, im sorry. Just remember being so shocked at the story as i had no idea it was so serious.

AmyFarrahFowlerCooper · 27/06/2013 10:12

YANBU. Print out one of the articles about the poor baby that lost his life because of this and show them that. Don't worry about sounding like a loony either because this isn't loony at all and if they think it is, its them who is being loony.

Original poster
ditsydoll · 27/06/2013 10:15

Iv never had a cold sore so mine wouldn't have any immunity. My dad has really nasty outbreaks and even gets them on his hands and feet when he's really run down so wouldn't be letting him hold baby if he had any. Poor mil is unwell at the minute and just has them on her mouth.
Id rather no one kissed him, I don't kiss him on the mouth, Only the head.

OP posts:
madamecake · 27/06/2013 10:18

YANBU. I suffer from coldsores and don't even kiss my own dc when I have one, and I certainly wouldn't go near someone else's baby.

Original poster
ditsydoll · 27/06/2013 10:21

Madamecake do you kiss them when you don't have an active sore? If you don't mind me asking? Only iv heard mixed info on wether it can be spread without a sore.

OP posts:
madamecake · 27/06/2013 10:38

I kiss both my dc and DH when I don't have an active sore and I've not passed them on. However my definition of active is from the first tingle until it's completely healed gone. Luckily I only get a couple a year, as it takes at least a week for them to heal.

Original poster
ditsydoll · 27/06/2013 10:42

Thanks Madamecake, think I'll just ask everyone to not kiss him while his immune system is so immature.
It's such a scary age, I wish I could put him in a nice little bubble :)

OP posts:
melika · 27/06/2013 10:56

It is common decency not to, as it would be if you had anything like a cold, not to kiss a new baby.

How could they be so insensitive? I would tactfully say something to deter them.

amazingmumof6 · 27/06/2013 11:02

put a note on the door or give them a printed card to explain.

or buy some surgical masks and hand them out.

I am serious. I very nearly did this with DS4, because there was a risk he'd contract an infection through birth and I wanted to avoid making things worse.
he ended up a ELSC and was fine.

but I always tell people to wash hands if they don't know to do it.

and ignore any kind of comments or eyerolling, sighing etc.
this sort of thing is when you absolutely must be precious about baby. infections can be very serious.

if they don't get it and support you they should not come.

btw eating a slug at 10 months? meh Grin

congrats on baby! Thanks

Dorris83 · 27/06/2013 12:38

Congrats ditsy!
I totally understand, and think YAtotallyNBU

I was mostly relieved when friends weren't able to visit in the early days as most of my friends don't have children an wouldn't understand my preciousness

Don't really know how you say it, but definitely find a way to: maybe just blurt it out 'please don't kiss him if you've been ill or have a cold sore '

You're the mother, doesn't matter if they don't like it, your brand new baby boy is the most important thing in the world.

Congratulations again!!

honeytea · 27/06/2013 13:21

Yanbu, I really didn't like people putting their fingers in ds's mouth so I just said "we don't put our fingers in his mouth unless we have just showered" people stopped after that, it was a good way to say it because it wasn't actually telling them not to it was just making them aware of our wishes.

Enjoy your baby :)

Fakebook · 27/06/2013 13:32

If I got cold sores I would never in a million years think about kissing a baby and passing it on! They should already know this, but make sure you tell them aswell incase they don't realise.

lurkedtoolong · 27/06/2013 14:04

YANBU at all. I suffer from coldsores and I would never, ever kiss anyone while one is active, especially not a baby. They are horrible and to experience them for life just because someone didn't take sensible precautions is very unpleasant.

I'm the same as madamecake - don't mind kissing people when I don't have a coldsore (about 48 weeks of the year) but when I do have one then it's not hardship just to hold back.

MrsTerryPratchett · 27/06/2013 14:27

I had a cold sore after DD's birth. I CERTAINLY wouldn't have kissed her. Just tell them not to.

notafan0fy00 · 27/06/2013 16:22

No they really mustn't kiss a baby with active coldsores. You can't ban them from kissing your baby all year round just because they sometimes get coldsores though.

I've been with hubby 15 years and never caught his coldsores, as we don't kiss when they're active. We do kiss (and stuff Wink ) the rest of the time.

notafan0fy00 · 27/06/2013 16:23

Just wanted to point out that OP is not asking if she should stop her dad and MIL from kissing her baby when they have coldsores, she wants to stop them kissing baby AT ALL.

thebody · 27/06/2013 16:26

No they shouldn't be doing this or tbh kissing any baby or child on the lips, bit yuk

Say head only or better still blow kiss.
.

1Veryhungrycaterpillar · 27/06/2013 16:29

Don't ban them from kissing your baby in general it won't kill him but kissing with cold sores is a big no no

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