trying to conceive

9 replies

dangalf · 27/06/2013 09:54

Had a slight argument with DW last night about when we start TTC for our second child. DD is almost 2 now.

DW wants to start ttc soon in order to go for May baby. However, I think we should wait a few months. This is becuase I will be standing for election in local election in May next yr. We had already discussed this and the fact that it would be very time consuming so it is not like I have sprung this on her. DW says her mum could help out but I would like to have the opportunity of a few weeks at home in calm times to get to know the little one. I think it was quite an imnportant time with my DD last time out and would not want to miss out this time round.

DW is 33 and feels time is running out. I am of the opinion that a few months delay would unlikely be terminal to our chances. We got pg first time out with DD.

I think it would be better if we have a new baby at a less busy time than next May. I also think it would be good to have an autumn baby due to them being older in the school year etc. She thinks I am being unreasonable by saying no now to pursue a 'hobby' (I see it as a little more than ahobby but understand where she is coming from as it is not something that is going to earn us money).

Thoughts?

OP posts:

Fakebook · 27/06/2013 09:59

As long as you're not the prime minister I think it will be ok.

Jan49 · 27/06/2013 10:05

I think it's probably an unnecessary argument because the chances are that it will take months or longer to conceive and you are being rather optimistic in thinking that because she conceived immediately the first time, it will be the same the second time around.

EhricLovesTeamQhuay · 27/06/2013 10:08

I think you should probably stop assuming that you can control when she will conceive. I also think it wouldn't hurt to delay by one or two months however I'm sure you know that babies can be born early and there isn't much you can do about that.

Carolra · 27/06/2013 10:17

The chances are that you won't magically conceive the first month you try anyway... so I'd advise to just get on with it. We're currently in the situation that we waited 6 months to try for dc2 for various life events to unfold and now we are trying, its really taking it out of me each month. DC1 was an accident and so we naively assumed it would be simple this time... which its proving not to be... Good luck whatever you decide!!

diddl · 27/06/2013 10:58

It's kind of all about you really, isn't it?

I say if you both want another, as your wife is the one who goes through pregnancy & birth, then when to start ttc is up to her tbh.

RamsgateMummy · 27/06/2013 11:24

Have you told your wife how you feel? That you don't want to miss those first few weeks of bonding? That the elections are important to you? Talk through her concerns too, about leaving it too late etc. Although she will be the one going through the pregnancy and birth, it is still a decision you should decide on together. On that note though, as others have said, it might take a few months to conceive anyway. I am with you on the Autumn Baby thing though. I like that I will get an 'extra year' of fun with DS!

WhenSheWasBadSheWasHopeful · 27/06/2013 12:19

I do see your point on the autumn baby thing. You are pretty unlikely to conceive in the first month of trying.

I would worry about it taking a lot longer to conceive than you anticipated and your wife may feel resentful that you delayed ttc. If you wait for an autumn baby you will be waiting till almost Xmas before ttc.

pinkdelight · 27/06/2013 12:27

I disagree that it's down to your wife just because she's the one who'll be pregnant. It's 50/50 isn't it? And you have to work it out together. She wants a baby. You want to stand in the elections. Those things shouldn't be incompatible, simply, as you say, by waiting a couple of months. Of course it may take longer to conceive, in which case you may have an autumn baby after all. Even in the worst case scenario if you have real trouble conceiving, it surely cannot come down to having waited 2 months. If it was that touch and go, you'd have started ttc long before now. Talk to each other, try to reason it out calmly, try to be understanding. I understand her stress, but it's clearly not just a hobby and you clearly care about bonding with the baby. Good luck to you both with the baby, the elections and a happy compromise!

Original poster

dangalf · 27/06/2013 15:27

Thanks to all for the reponses. We will probably discuss it again this evening - hopefully more productively than we managed last night.

OP posts:

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