To think this is slightly odd for a 4-year-old?

[stopgap]

We live in a large apartment building, and have the good fortune of having a soft-play playroom for building residents.

Twice in the last week I've taken my 22-month-old there to play. Sometimes the older kids can get a bit wild, but we've never experienced any shoving, biting etc. which has been really nice, and my son has several toddler chums that we see on a regular basis.

A four-year-old girl, however, has acted quite strangely the last two times we've been there. The first time she told her two siblingsprobably ages three and sixthat my son, "the baby", was "cursed" and "evil" and then tried to put a spell on him when he got near. The second occasion when my son came into the playroom, she at once built a fort out of soft play bricks, and told her siblings to scream at the top of their voices when my son got near.

My son went from smiling at the older kids, to crying his heart out, so we left. I probably should have said something to the nanny, but she was on her phone.

Hats off to the girl for her creative endeavours, but she seems pretty mean. Should I have said something to correct her, or is this fairly customary play for a child her age? Like I said, we've never had a problem before, and most kids, especially the older ones, either tolerate my son's presence and maybe throw him a ball, or they ignore him altogether. They certainly don't zone on him like this kid does.

Weird but also normal. 4 year old girls love imaginary games and some of them can be quite mean as a matter of course. They just don't have as much empathy as older kids, I think. If it makes your son cry you're within your rights to go to her and say "I know you're just playing and having fun but what you are doing is making the baby cry. Can you say sorry and play more nicely?" (are you in an ex-pat community? in Asia somewhere?)

I'm in NYC. My husband said that I should have said something, and I do think he's right. If it happens a third time, I will have a word with the nanny.

I would demand that the nanny gives you the parents' contact details then I would go and speak to them about their child's behaviour. Whether it is normal or not is irrelevant - it is completely unacceptable behaviour to treat your son like that.

I would speak to the nanny, who could deal with it there and then. Don't worry about Interupting her phone call to get her to do her job either!

Is she from a specific community that believes in witchcraft etc. And thats where she has picked up the terminology or a likely case of v creative play.

I asked about the witchcraft because in London there have been incidents of abuse etc under the guise of black magic. In some inner city schools, staff have been asked to monitor pupils for signs/unusual behaviour/language and encouraged to report it to the approptiate bodies.

I agree that you need to tell the Nanny, she is responsible for the child's day to day behavior, when she is present.

If the problem carries on, then take it to the parents.

Every Disney film (and most other children's films) involve curses and spells, so not unusual for these to be in children's games. At around 6 is the time when this behavior manifests, it just needs correcting, if unchecked then it can go further, which is what has happened.

It is odd, saying that I took my baby into my year one daughters class for her show and tell and one of the little girls was terrified of him she was literally cringing and edging away! Maybe she thought he was evil!

Only Snow White has that doesn't it? Maybe I'm wrong. Sounds a little bizarre to me. You need to talk to parents asap. Don't go accusing them of being dark hearted, satan loving weirdo's, just ask them to have a word. Your little one is being picked on. Sorry for stating the obvious.

talk to the Nanny certainly, but as pp said girls of this she can be a bit weird, she may have just been watching Scooby doo, nothing more sinister. sometimes the youngest gets picked on too, my 2 year old had to fight her own corner with kids that age sometimes.

if he's crying though, get the Nanny top deal with it, there and then, good luck!

bloody kindle, hope you can decipher that

sounds perfectly normal to me, all kids are weird in their own way, and a lot of cartoons and books are full of spells and curses. Two of mine made their own wands yesterday and were trying to turn each other into "poo-pigs".

Is she from a specific community that believes in witchcraft etc

This is a strange comment. She is 4!!! Is it not more likely that she is influenced by childhood stories and cartoons etc? I am from a community that believes in witchcraft, but I have seen more witchcraft related stories in Western children's stories than anywhere else. Harry Potter, anyone?

It sounds like normal imaginary play, but I agree that it should be pointed out that it is upsetting your DS. Speak to the Nanny, who should intervene. I don't think the girl is abnormal, just playing witches and fairies and baddies and goodies.

I really doubt she's into witchcraft - she probably just has an overactive imagination and has no bad feeling towards your son at all - it sounds like she sees it as a big exciting game.

But if it's upsetting your ds I don't see anything wrong with having a word with the nanny and ask if they could tone it down a bit!

I had a similar problem a while ago where DD became the 'baddy'. It upset her. The children weren't being malicious, just playing.

I got down with the children, explained it was hurting DD's feelings and joined in the game as the new baddy. We had a lovely play and now I have to reenact the game every time I go...

Join in the game and take a bit if control. Steal your childs evil powers and threaten to curse all children into frogs and slugs...POW!

It sounds like a mean game, so speak to the nanny and get it sorted.

As an aside, my DS is actually very afraid of babies veryhungry - obviously he doesn't think they're evil but he's very uncertain and insecure around them.

id say it was pretty normal. my four year old likes to pick up sticks and use it as a wand to turn me in to things... no different really.

alot of flims and cartoons have wizerds and witches, esp if they have older children in the house.

i also wouldnt demand the nanny to give you the parents number.. thats way ott.

ethier get down and like another op said. speack to the child y our self,

or speack to nanny and say whilst you dont think shes being mean to your child, she is upsetting h im.

"Only Snow White has that doesn't it"

Sleeping beauty, Aladdin, The Sorcerers Apprentice, Little Mermaid, Bedknobs and Broomsticks, Brave, a lot of the TV stuff, Wizards of Waverly place etc. Most of Pixar's films, Wizard of Ox and spin offs.

Every fairy tale is around spell casting and curses.

Definitely speak to the nanny however it is a little peculiar as to why she didn't intervene if she was caring for the children. All children play imaginative games which may not go down well with others especially if they are younger or don't quite understand the "game" but if a child is visibly upset surely something should be said by the parent/guardian?

Regarding passing out contact details of the parents, I would be reluctant to do so without their consent although I would pass on the op's number to them.