Dinner

[ReadyMeal]

Need to rant ASAeffingP. DH has the arse becuase we hadn't eaten, it was late, 8pm but I have had one very poorly child to look after all day ( had fed children earlier obviously but DH isnt home when they are hungry and i had a spicy meal planned for us) and a very demanding 1 year old. She is demanding in a fantastic way,loves to play and is at that holding fingers walking around the house for five hours stage! Older Dd is also demanding in a different way, no need to go into it all right now but DH knows this, so things take a lot longer to do than they would normally. This is why I am livid with him. I haven't stopped all day. I planned a lush prawn and pepper stirfry which takes no time to cook. Had just got the baby off to sleep at 8pm settled older DD and was about to fling in dinner. DH starts moaning and moaning at me muttering we may as well go and buy a ready meal..... Then it was 'well MOST people have eaten by now' I just said to him go and marry most people then and he has gone out to buy himself dinner. I have sent text ' you are cooking for yourself this week' AIBU???? Yes he works FT but I take care of all house stuff and kids. I have a job to return to in October. He replied saying he was calm and reasonable asking me about dinner and he thinks it is fine to offer to go and buy something despite knowing I was going to get on with it. Apparently I 'slammed the door in his face and told him to go and get his own dinner' I didn't I shut the door hard, he was on other side of fairly large kitchen. He feels hard done by!!!! And I will also be doing 'a lot more things for myself now and getting myself on holiday' to our planned destination whatever that means. Because I was miffed about him moaning I now seem to have a divorce looming and summer holiday( which we haven't had for 5 years) on my own with the children. AIBU or is he?

Just read my rant back It was DH who told me that he wouldn't be doing anything for me and I had to get myself on holiday, not he would be doing everything for himself. If that makes any sense whatsoever!! Still mad

If he's hungry he an cook hi sown dinner.
However, why inflame it by saying 'you are cooking for yourself this week'? What kind of a response to that were you expecting?

Well yes he can. So why make me feel bad? It s a natural response I made in fairness and do you not think he has overreacted?

I also think it's ok that he goes and gets himself something if he's hungry, as long as he gets you something too.

I think you have both overreacted based on what I can read.

Well he didn't and he hasn't returned. I on the other hand had a really nice meal.

He should have got on with it and started cooking for the both of you. Or settled the kids whilst you started.

He shouldn't have moaned because dinner was late. You shouldn't have over-reacted with your text. Use it as a learning experience. Never row by text.

Well yes that's what I think too. I know this is a minimal moan compared to some of the things I have read on here tonight but I feel better for ranting. I am just fed up with having to feel grateful for everything simply because I am at home for now. Why threaten me with holidaying alone? It's ridiculous. I genuinely meant for him to cook for himself as I obviously can't get it on the table at a reasonable hour.

I don't understand why he didn't cook the dinner himself? Less trouble than going back out for a ready-meal, surely?

You need to take the upper thingy (pregnancy brain-can't remember what it is called!) & apologise for what you said, explain why & how you feel/felt & acknowledge that you know he was hungry but felt it as an attack on you personally when you're doing your best.

Try to talk rationally & think what you can do for future times.

Good luck!

Fringe- that's why I was so annoyed. He decided to go out when he got home from work to the shops for a birthday card for a friend.He didn't get back until gone 7.30pm. I just don't get the mentality of woman at home must provide dinner at set time. I am looking after two other people as well.

The irony of my life is that I used to be super organised when I just had the two dd's but apparently I was 'too rigid and obsessive about routine' according to DH,dd3 came along and I thought I would relax things a little, I didn't think I was over the top but I stopped following set times for meals etc....now bloody well look! I give up.

We are two mums. I work more than full-time, often leaving at 7 and getting back after 7. I usually cook the evening meal as my partner baths our toddler son. My partner stays at home all day with him, which is exhausting. Even though my job is in the top 5 stressful jobs etc., and I have to do work in the evenings, I think I have the easier ride. Cooking can be a good switch-off. Sometimes I bath our son etc. and she cooks, if she wants. You are not being unreasonable, he is. Was he just sitting and waiting whilst you did all the kid-related stuff?? I would go bonkers. Not fair at all. He is behaving like a kid too me thinks! All rather neanderthal, and he has gone off hunter-gathering (albeit just fir himself!)

He sat on his arse, while you're settling HIS children and MOANED about not having dinner? When all it was, was astir fry?

He couldn't handle that? He couldn't cook a stir fry?

Sheesh, what on earth can he cook then?

He needs to help at home more. He either helps settle the children or he does dinner sometimes if he sees you need help. At least flaming ASK what he can do.

I'll make bloody sure my son can cook, i'd be mortified if he ever did this!

Your husband sounds like a prick

I can't do things with saucepans or sharp knives due to medical appallingnesses, but we have a 4-month-old and my DW, who loves to cook, is frazzled. Surely he can stretch to getting a load of stuff and put it in a tortilla. That's what I do.

As for the resulting argument, it looks like it escalated pretty quickly: hopefully it'll calm down just as quickly and you'll get him to pull his weight.

You both sound like you need to calm the fuck down, frankly. Do you both like drama or something?

Expect the spat has now settled down, and life is reverting to saner levels this morning. Sounds as though everything is on top of everybody.
No excuse for your DH, however I was married for decades to a man who thought because he worked it was an absolute right to expect to be waited on hand and foot.
Although I agree with absolutely everything said about the fact that they should help more, and do it for themselves, the fact is that this sort of man is never really going to man up and pitch in. Blame his mother!!
In my experience you get some half hearted help for a week or so, and then it all fades back to 'do-it-yourself'. Followed by increasing frustration on your part, moaning on theirs, and then another row when it reaches explosion point again.
I have some suggestions for a happier marriage to men like this:

1. get a cleaner
2. pin a list of numbers for decent take-aways on the fridge
3. make sure he knows the route to all of them
4. make sure you leave him to babysit at least one night a week, and a couple of hours each weekend ....you need downtime from them all!
5. revert to the routines that worked for you

Sorry that these are fixes not a solution, but in my experience you will have more luck changing lead to gold than getting men like these to alter the headset.

You honestly both sound a bit ridiculous and overdramatic.

1. You could have asked him to settle the kids while you got dinner ready.
2. There's nothing wrong with him offering to get dinner in when he knows he can't cook what you had planned - I would find 8pm a bit late to be eating as well if I'd been at work all day - that's just being honest.
3. Shutting the door on him (whether you slammed it or not doesn't matter) is a little immature and only serves to inflame the situation. It would piss me off even if I hadn't been annoyed before.
4. The text? Really? That's just ridiculous. There's nothing wrong with expecting him to cook for himself occasionally, but inflammatory texts don't help anyone. Never argue by text!

Anyway, I hope things sort out, but next time, just tell him if dinner will be late and he can decide whether to sort himself out or wait - and if he decides to wait, he can't moan!