to find this really quite disgusting...

[lastnightiwenttomanderleyagain]

A bit of context here, DH and I have been together for over four years, married for 9 months.

For about the past year, when I go to the bathroom, 2/3 of the time I am greeted by his unflushed offerings. Let me be frank, we're talking the liquid variety here so nothing overly vile, but due to bathroom routines whenever I get there it's been sat festering (with the lid open) for around 8hrs. Not great at the best of times but in this warmer weather? Delightful!

We're very environmentally aware, so all of our toilets.are low flush; he's not doing it to save water. I've called him up on it SO many times and his stock answer is 'I just forgot' which I do not understand as for me, after thirty years of doing it, flushing is a reflex action. Not only does it stink, it's a huge turn off and as we live in a really hard water area, is staining the toilet really badly and makes it a nightmare to clean.

What else can I do? Short of public humiliation by a passive aggressive facebook status or speaking to.his mother and hoping she shames him into doing it, I'm out of ideas. We do have another toilet so I could try and ban him from one so he's the one faced with it, but if he can't remember to flush, I think using the other toilet is beyond his memory capacity. I'm well.aware thar marriage id

agh, damn phone. That was meant to end with marriage is about choosing your battles but this is really driving me mad!

This is obviously one of the battles you feel strongly enough about to choose!

Have you tried sending him back to the toilet to check he has flushed it? Or aren't you there?

Could you use the other loo so he is faced with his mess rather than you?
I agree it would be unpleasant but everyone has something annoying about them, it could be him going to the loo in the night half asleep and some people don't flush at night because of the noise so maybe he never used to. Is it something you want to nag about?

Tape a note on the toilet?
Make him a sticker chart?

Does he do this at work? Or at friends' houses?

Why has he only just recently started doing it?

I would be inclined to send him back to flush the toilet.

Put a sign on the inside of the toilet door 'Have you flushed the toilet?'

Bet you a pound he's not washing hands either then.

Yanbu you need to get firm.

Beware of training him too well, because when you have kids you'll want him to stop flushing in case it wakes the baby!

DS1 knows not to flush early in the morning as it wakes DS2. I'm probably setting him up to be a husband like yours in the future!

There is nothing you can do, besides ask him to remember

We don't flush wees at night as it wakes DS

If his activities are causing the toilet to be stained, getting it unstain ed again is certainly his problem not yours and he can do as much scrubbing as is necessary. That may help him understand why it's not a good idea.

Marriage isn't about choosing your battles. It's child rearing where you have to choose your battles.

Is he your child? Do you want to feel like he is?

Either he knows you feel strongly about this, and doesn't care, or he doesn't understand how strongly you feel about it. So, you need to sit him down and have a conversation about it. Tell him it's a really big deal for you. Tell him why. Then see whether he cares enough to stop.

We don't flush wee at all! (no blush)

I have "come across it often" staying with various friends over the years before the advent of en-suites! Seems to be a 50/50 split on those who leave and those who don't, and does seem to be a noise related quirk
I confess I don't understand at all because I was one of the cruel mothers who set their babies to sleep with the stereo on, and ran the vacuum cleaner next to the moses basket!

Would suggest, though, that honesty is the best policy ....albeit tactful. Could you just say that as you don't have any children to awaken (or you do, but they are used to not wakening to flushing) , and you personally sleep like a log .....he could please flush at the time because it is causing some issue with ....ummm .... cleaning!!

Put up a sign. It appears to have worked with the kids.

...my kids, that is.

This isnt about during the night, he does it all tbe time.
Aa someone else has said, presumably getter the toilets clean is his job?

Pathetic behaviour on his part. My DS was clearing up his own wee from the age of 4.

I would suggest that if a direct instruction not to do it hasn't worked, use his pants to mop it up and put them back in his drawer. He'll soon accuse you of disgusting behaviour, at which point you sweetly point out that if there was no wee on the seat, there wouldn't be a problem.

Expecting someone else to clean up your bodily fluids (unless you are paying for it or physically incapable of doing it yourself) is the height of disrespectful behaviour. It is putting you in your place, and if you allow it go unchallenged, it will creep into other areas of your relationship.

Agree with Dahlen. It's a huge red flag, hence me asking if he does it in other people's toilets... practically 100% sure he doesn't.

A red flag? For what?

Next time you do a poo leave it for him.

Rub his nose in it.

Was he bought up not to flush the loo at night? I remember having mates and staying at their houses. You weren't supposed to flush the loo for a wee, because it woke people up. Maybe he was bought up with a similar rule and thinks it's normal.

If that's not the case, leave a used tampn in the loo for him and see how he likes that!

Thanks everyone, I really was starting to worry that I was being unusually OCD about bathroom manners!

It hadn't occurred to me that I should be the one to use the other bathroom makes much more sense. Will give that a go and see how long he lasts. I do wonder if it's something he was brought up to do...who knows... Let's see how the next few days go!