to think this invite is just a bit too much?
Andwhatif · 22/06/2013 23:36
Name changed for that, just need to have a good rant. Xbf cheated on me (which I didn't know until a few months after we'd split up). I knew the woman, they always seemed friendly but I'm just clearly naive.. I even invited her for his 30th! We both moved on fast. I met someone, have a baby now and couldn't care less about him/them. He has never been in touch after break up, slightly awkward sometimes as we have mutual friends etc. They have a baby too (he was either very premature or conceived while we were still together). Xbf, like I said, has never been in touch. The woman though, has been a couple of times. First, she invited me for baby shower (?!?!). Then called me to let me know when the baby was born (even more wtf). Now she phoned me to invite me to 1st bday party. Now, don't get me wrong, I wish them all the best and have no hard feelings, but would you ever attend? Or AIBU and she's just trying to be nice?
ChippingInWiredOnCoffee · 22/06/2013 23:43
Did you know her independently of him or just through him?
I'd probably say something along the lines of 'Sorry, but clearly you were fucking 'ex' when he & were still together, why do you think I'd want to be friends with you? I wish you both well, but really???'
Andwhatif · 23/06/2013 00:00
Waffly, perhaps that's what she's trying to do. But I never caused ant awkwardness, it was just them either not showing up at all or quietly disappearing after I'd arrived. Which I never really understood, were they worried I'd beat them up or something?
FuckNugget · 23/06/2013 00:01
I agree wholeheartedly with notafan.
My H had an on/off affair a few years back and whenever I broke up with him, she would too. Then we'd get back together and the affair would start again . I left him for a prolonged period and ow met someone else so it was definitely over then.
I have another couple who I am good friends with, the guy had an affair and their relationship was over. He stayed with the ow. She is absolutely barmy. She goes to great lengths to try and suck my friend back into the trio even though they broke up 2 years ago and my friend has moved on. At one point the ow had cut out photos of her head and stuck them into the 'couple' photos hanging in their house to make it look like they were a threesome . The whole situation was like something straight out if a soap opera and I often worried for my friends safety as I truly believe the ow has mental health issues. There's a lot more to the story but too long to type here.
I really think she is trying to get you back involved in some way so she can feel she has got one over on you, make you jealous etc as that was the motivation in getting with a guy who was already 'taken'.
FuckNugget · 23/06/2013 00:11
That's not even the worst thing she did. My friend has infertility issues and they were pursuing ivf when the affair was revealed.
The ow would announce frequently that she was pregnant with my friends ex and send vile messages about how she could give him what my friend couldn't.
At one point she had a medical abortion and sent photographs of the foetus to my friend and her ex's family.
Honestly, I'd never heard anything like it. My friends ex is still with the ow and she regularly beats him and self harms, then gets him arrested for assault. We have pleaded with him to leave her but he doesn't listen. I do in some ways feel quite sorry for the other woman. She quite clearly has huge problems that are not being addressed and I wonder if she has experienced something terribly traumatic in her life to make her behave this way.
The whole thing has been scary and upsetting in equal measures. I'm so proud if my friend for how well she handled it all.
FuckNugget · 23/06/2013 00:18
He has said before that he can't leave her because she needs his help . The ow is the complete opposite of my lovely lovely friend and I think the ow seemed exciting in comparison but no, I still don't get it till this day.
I would be tempted to ignore this woman if I were you op. I think even a response that says you couldn't possibly be friends under the circumstances will just feed into her need to feel she got to you and 'won'.
Andwhatif · 23/06/2013 00:24
Thanks for all your advise. I will just leave it as it is I think. I don't want to be dragged into anything. I love my life as it is and don't feel the need to prove anything to anyone.. Although I could take my DC to the party to show off cause he is gorgeous and theirs is ugly lol
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