To think this is a tad OTT...?

[SoulTrain]

Ok, brief back story....

My cousin is older than me by 15 years and he has a daughter "S" who is 14 years younger than me. He is my Dads sisters son. We're relatively close, not obsessively so but more so since there was a fall out between my Dad and his Mum and he no longer speaks to his Mum.

I make an effort with his son (7) and daughter (16)....keep in touch with the daughter, she was one of my bridesmaids. Always send birthday presents etc, and prior to DS (2) occasionally had the kids for cousin for the weekend so him and his wife could get away.

Monday was "S" 16th birthday, I texted early Monday morning to say HB, hope she had a good day etc....she asked would I be seeing her that night and I said I couldn't make it but would pop her card and present in the week.

Long story short due to an upset over a diagnosis for DS's speech and an HORRENDOUS argument between me and MIL (whole other story) that spanned Sunday to Wednesday - not exaggerating, was awful, I forgot.

I have just received this text from cousin:

"Hi Soul, hope you are all ok but I'm disappointed you haven't sent S a birthday card. She looks up to you as part of her small family circle."

AIBU to think this is a tad OTT? The birthday was acknowledged and its unfortunate I forgot but the birthday present was bought just not delivered! Ready to be flamed!

YABVU not to spill detaila of Horrendous row with MIL. delete sounds juicy

What Carpe and Sag said

YANBU. Exactly what Carpe said.

And Lemon? Bawling her eyes out? Seriously? I hope when my children are almost adults I haven't been such a shit parent they 'bawl hysterically' at something this minor.

You've never missed a holiday. The fact he focused on material items on not the fat something may be wrong tells me you're not as close as you think.

People can reword 'material hurt' very well to put you in the hotseat but I've learned the hard way people who focus on those things and not the real issues aren't true family, just grubbers.

You acknowledged the birthday by text on the day & then genuinely forgot to drop in the present? I think they are being unreasonable.

YANBU

I alwayd like getting cards and gifts late - it turns it into a Birthday Week, rather than a Birthday Day.
I passed this on to my DCs too.

I know some ultra organised people manage everything on time, but sometimes life does get in the way for us lesser mortals.

Your cousin is being very PFB.

Yeah the guy was definitely being OTT. The girl is 16, not 6. She will cope with a delay in receiving her gift, and it might be a good time for her to learn that sometimes, life happens.It doesn't mean you care about her any less, you just had stuff come up. In a few years she will have to make her way out into the big wide world, protecting her from every potential upset will do her no favours.

OP - you called the girl, sent on your best wishes & have every intention of sending the gift. You are a good person, who also has a life. I wouldn't feel any guilt here.

try not to be offended, he and his daughter are obviously feeling vulnerable right now and you mean a lot to them. Maybe she is very upset about the family split and loss of contact that may have resulted.

Try to just accept his expression of unhappiness, get round there asap, apologise profusely and move on. It isnt a critisism of you its an expression of how he feels at present, and you can help them by being gracious and just putting it behind you.

Thank you for everyone who has replied, it's really helped to put it into perspective.

I have no taken the present round, apologised and explained what's been happening. They understood as had similar issues with his Mum.

The MIL row...where do I start? It all started last Sunday when FIL called me fat....

No I don't think it's ott. You could have taken it round before her. birthday A week later is thoughtless. An arguement with an in law really is no excuse

And you've fallen out with MiL because...?

I think it's so very OTT. So what if her card and present are late? Boo bloody hoo, a 16 year old can surely understand that life can get in the way and cause a few delays.

Cheeky bloody text in my opinion.

The whole saga with MIL really is too long winded and has been building for 7 years so I don't think it's a thread to pull on. It was an incredibly stressful argument, causing major stress for all. The comment from FIL was just the start, with MIL jumping to his rude, arrogant defence. I was also very upset that DS has been diagnosed with a severe speech delay.

Anyway, cousin pretty much admitted he overreacted and should have realised it was so unlike me there must have been mitigating circumstances.

YANBU. I wouldn't be impressed to receive a text like that. Just curious, do they make any effort for your child's birthday?

You sound like a lovely caring auntie.

They do make an effort, it was very recently DS's birthday and they bought him a cute little chair from IKEA.

The more I think about it, I think it's more about the lack of family influence for "S". She's a cute kid but is a bit alternative and gets bemused by the "typical" girl that is popular at her school and doesn't always fit in. I know they appreciate my influence on her, I was bullied at school and am far enough removed from her mum and dad to be able to encourage her to be herself and not feel pressured to conform. I do make a lot of effort, so I suppose it was upsetting to have appeared completely non interested. I suppose I just wouldn't have the guts to call someone on it but maybe that's my misgiving.

I'm aways sending "S" silly little things in the post, most recently a "Don't wanna be like everyone else" badge so it must have stuck out when nothing arrived.

Families can be complicated .

Thank you for everyone's input, even the comments I didn't like to read .