To wish friends would discipline their dd?

[nothingbyhalves]

Good friends have daughter Aged 3. Our dc are also 3. Whenever we get together she bullies our dc, won't share, snatches toys off them, hits them, pushes them etc. parents sometimes tell her off, but not very effectively. Today her dad left us running round sorting all squabbles out, and even left me wiping her bum after she had a poo. I did tell her dad she was on loo and going poo, and he just said " oh ok" and left me to it.
Aibu to expect them to deal with their dd?
Ps she is really sweet, just used to getting her own way all the time, and our kids love her

I'd have said 'She's on the loo having a poo, she's probably ready now for you to go and wipe her bum' and I'd have just left her on the loo for him to deal with!

YANBU, but you might need to be more forceful if you actually want things to change. I think you need to accept the way things are or be prepared to stand your ground and discipline her yourself when she is your house. I expect certain standards of behaviour in my own home and that's the end of it. (Neither do I wipe other people's children bottoms!)

I'd just tell her off myself if they aren't.

As for the loo - either tell him to go and do it or do it with good grace - he's clearly too much of a twonk to think for himself.

YANBU I have had similar feelings about a family member and their kids. Bad behaviour at said family members home or out in public (I take my own DC by the hands and walk them away) is something I've learnt to accept but in MY home I have rules and I simply tell all DC off if those rules are broken.

There have been mutterings and dirty looks but hey, if I dont want biscuits crushed up and trodden into my carpet or juice purposely sprinkled on my sofa (these arent toddlers I'm talking about either!) I refuse to sit there and wait for the plonker parents to do something when we all know they wont.

As for the bottom wiping thing, I'd have left the kid on the loo for her dad to deal with. if she gets bored and hops off the toilet without wiping it wont be you dealing with her skiddy knickers!

Yes, why on earth didn't you tell him to go and wipe his own daughter's bum?! At 'Er, ok' I'd have been laughing in his face and going 'Er ok - I'm not doing it. Your daughter, your job.'

But I dont get why you had to do it, regardless of what her Dad said?

I did wipe, because ..... Not sure.... But next time I'll be more forceful. We do tell her off, constantly. We told our dc if she hit them or hurt them to tell her dad. Trying to point out to him subtly that its his job to deal with his child, but if didn't happen . Me and another mother ended up doing it. Just a pity as it makes us reluctant to include them in get togethers etc and as I said dc adore her

I had a look from a friend when I wouldn't let her ds walk around my house eating a bowl of noodles & yes she did tell me that he was allowed to do that at home.
I pointed out that they weren't at home, they were in my house, where its my rules

I wouldn't socialise with someone who was bullying my child. And I sure as hell wouldn't wipe her arse.

In fairness, if someone told me dd (also 3) was doing a poo on the loo, my reaction would be 'er...ok' as well. Dd perfectly capable of wiping her own bum. Perhaps he just didn't get why you were sharing that news?

Ugh. I feel for you. I'm contemplating distancing myself from a friend for similar reasons. I enjoy the mum's company, but can't handle her DD's awful behaviour and the mum's inability to give any consequences for the behaviour. DS likes the little girl, but I can't help feeling she's going to be a bad influence down the road. Seems to be one of those things about parenting that no one warns you about.

Aaaaarrrrgghhh! It's such a frustrating situation isn't it? We had this twice when Dd was young. In one case we distanced ourselves for a little while and over time their Dcs outgrew the behaviours and were lovely. In the other case we tried to talk to our friends and they were horribly offended and never spoke to us again!