To NOT book DD a pamper party? She's DESPERATE apparently.

[NeoMaxiZoomDweebie]

She's about to turn 9. She was/is a very shy child but this year has seen something of a turnaround. In fact I hardly recognise her.

She's got some lovely friends old and new...she appears to be turning into a "pink and girly" girl and is asking for a pamper party....where they have a "makeover" etc.

I want her to have a pottery painting party.

AIBU not to do the pamper thing? It's going agin the grain!

[theodorakisses]

Sindy house

[theodorakisses]

I would veto the light make up personally

[Materfacit]

DD went to one of these last year for a girl's 8th birthday. I had a bit of a wobble about it but let her go.

DD came out with braided and glittery hair, a small flower painted on her cheek, rainbow nails in easy to remove nail varnish and rather a lot of temporary tattoos. The 4 or 5 boys and 5 girls who had also been invited were similarly decorated - the boys enjoyed it just as much I think. In between they had games and dancing so they weren't sitting around waiting for too long.

I think that was age appropriate, but I'd probably draw the line at lipstick, eyeshadow, mascara etc just because that seems a little bit too adult.

[Branleuse]

is make up worse than face painting?

[NeoMaxiZoomDweebie]

Theadora, it's clear lipgloss and some glitter. I don't think my serious, academic DD will suddenly become a wannabe pole dancer.

[theodorakisses]

I think so a little bit but not sure it is a big deal except I would rather playing with make up was playing rather than wearing and looking good. Better to have smeared eye shadow and lipstick after a thieving session of my make up. Note to self never to keep a red permanent marker at home...

[theodorakisses]

Not a huge deal though and not judging anyone

[Cherriesarelovely]

Loved your last post op! Go for it, it sounds sweet and fun.

[Growlithe]

pamper preeny precious princess pinky puffle ploppy party

Please tell me that is the real name of the party, and you aren't making it up.

I think it sounds great, and you are right, she won't become a wannabe pole dancer.

One danger though, and something you may want to consider - that party sounds like the party of a wannabe NETHUN

[LeoandBoosmum]

I'm going to sound like an old fuddy duddy stick-in-the-mud but no way would I be letting a NINE year old have a pamper party! Inner confidence doesn't come from painting nails and having sparkly eye shadow applied. I'd try to do an exciting group activity (if you can afford it or get help from your daughter's friends' parents). Something like ice skating or bowling with a snack afterwards.
Also, just because its what your daughter 'wants' for her birthday, it doesn't mean that's what she should get. There is more to life for a young girl than being a painted doll... I blame the TOWIE culture... Rant over and I hope your little one has a nice day!

[Floggingmolly]

It's a party, Leo; if op's daughter is lacking in inner confidence there are indeed better ways to address it, but I don't think that was the main objective of the party?

[jessad]

Why don't you suggest she has a dinner party. Get out the posh china , champagne flutes, wine glasses. Offer red/ white grape juice. Sparkling apple or elderflower. Stipulate on the invitations that evening/ cocktail dresses should be worn. Carriages at end time. That will allow her to be grown up without all the make up etc. we did it for my DD. each chair had a helium sparkly balloon, table confetti etc. she loved it and it worked out much cheaper. DH cooked and wore a chefs hat, I wore Black and a white pinny.

[LeoandBoosmum]

Flogging, I know it's a party but the OP was speaking about her daughter's confidence and that somehow became related to a 'pamper' party. I don't see the connection. I would just be trying my best, if my daughter were only nine, to steer her away from this idea that beauty = confidence. It doesn't... I think the OP said her daughter is adamant (now I read back through the posts) that she doesn't want to do other things like ice skating, bowling, going to the cinema etc I think that's manipulative behaviour on the part of the child to get what she wants and, birthday or not, it wouldn't fly with me. I would give several options I think are suitable and let her choose one. This idea that it's a child's birthday so give her or him what she wants (whether you approve of it or not) is ridiculous and why many kids are growing up to be 'entitled' adults.
I'm not a complete cow; my daughter would still get a birthday treat, just not a 'pamper party'. I'd explain that it is not age-appropriate and give her other options. The point is she gets to do something nice with a group of friends, isn't it? Why does that have be to having nails painted and gunk applied? If my daughter wouldn't choose something else, then I'd ask her to come to me when she had because a pamper party is not going to happen... Watch the kid pick something else and pronto

[Floggingmolly]

Yes, fair enough, Leo, I hadn't realised the party was for that purpose, sorry.

[UseHerName]

I think pottery painting is every bit as gendered as pampering - perhaps a little more middle-class though?

either way.....meh!

[Growlithe]

Leo Why blame the TOWIE culture? Nine year old girls are far more likely to see their own mothers, teachers, brownie leaders, swimming instructors etc wearing make-up and having styled hair than the women of TOWIE, particularly as it is on too late for them.

Wanting to do you hair and wear makeup does not make you a vacuous bimbo whose only aim is to bag a man. My daughter idolises Helen Skelton from Blue Peter, who proves you can be have pretty hair, you can wear makeup, but you can still be a strong woman ready to face challenges most men would bauk at.

Like it or not, nine year olds are becoming image aware these days. As a parent I wouldn't want to ignore or poo poo this in my DD. She will still feel this way whether I acknowledge it or not. I'd rather talk to her about it, show her she can style her hair in different ways so that she likes the way it looks, but she still looks like a child.

And I can't emphasise that enough - she likes the way it looks - not boys, not her friends - her. That's the bit that's good for her confidence.

It sounds like the OPs DD is a hardworking girl in school who has a lovely set of girly friends who are bringing her out of her shell. They all sound like they'd enjoy this stuff, and unless she is taking them on the town after they get their hair put in a bun and put their clear lip gloss on, then really what is the harm in it?

[NeoMaxiZoomDweebie]

To be fair my DD has never seen an episode of TOWIE, nor BGT or any reality TV. I don't buy magazines either....she's quite young for her age...they all are. I honestly think they just like the sparkliness of it all in the same way that I loved fairies when I was 10 in the 70s.

[NeoMaxiZoomDweebie]

Meant to add that Growlithe you make me feel better about it all.

[NeoMaxiZoomDweebie]

Thanks.

[PoppyAmex]

It's a tough one OP.

I think it's a bit of a funny message to say that DD will foster confidence through a pamper party.

Confidence doesn't come bottled in a glitter varnish and you run the risk of following that thought process further and do things like letting her dye her hair because it will be good for her self esteem.

Having said that, if she's totally committed to the idea, I like someone's suggestion up thread of turning it around a bit, doing it at home, inviting boys and making it a fun event.

[CambridgeBlue]

Not sure what I'd do in the OP's situation, I'm torn. But I think you can totally blame the TOWIE/celeb culture for the existence of pamper parties - not because kids watch it but because idiots adults do.

[FanjolinaJolie]

I agree with OP I can't stand the concept of pamper parties for little girls, the idea is just foul IMO.

What about something along the lines of craft but a little more tailored to her ideal, there are some brilliant products on yellow moon eg where you can make/paint jewellery, piggy banks, design and paint T shirts. Or an active party eg ice skating, disco at home.

[MortifiedAdams]

The hair up and nails painted would bother me, but the disco sounds odd and I would not be happy at cocktals ((yy, I know they are just fruit juice but selling them as 'cocktails') and light make up

[Fairylea]

Yabu. My dd is 9 and pottery painting would be considered completely babyish by her and her friends, sorry. They are year 5.

She her birthday is coming up soon and she wants to take 4 friends out with us for pizza and the cinema in the evening.

A pamper party would also be appreciated.

It's her birthday. Her choice.

[NeoMaxiZoomDweebie]

Listen...Upthread I explained that I cannot host at home. For verious reasons. I would if I could.

FairyLea as I said upthread these are young 9s and a number of girls have had pottery painting this year....they're not mature and enjoy craft parties.