To NOT book DD a pamper party? She's DESPERATE apparently.

[NeoMaxiZoomDweebie]

She's about to turn 9. She was/is a very shy child but this year has seen something of a turnaround. In fact I hardly recognise her.

She's got some lovely friends old and new...she appears to be turning into a "pink and girly" girl and is asking for a pamper party....where they have a "makeover" etc.

I want her to have a pottery painting party.

AIBU not to do the pamper thing? It's going agin the grain!

[neontetra]

Yikes! Well, I think, if it is what dd has set her heart on, and it is her bday, you need to try and do it. But if it was me, I'd do it at home, and put a bit of a spin on it. For example, encourage her to invite male friends too (why can't they join in? Personal grooming is for all). And maybe options re nail varnish, disposable tattoos, jewelry etc which arent just pink and sparkly and reflect different styles. And maybe some fun physical activity, so an emphasis on feeling good, not just looking good. Dunno. These ideas might be rubbish to a 9 year old. Just considering possibilities.

[Mumsyblouse]

I wouldn't do it for my 9 year old as she's allergic to all make-up/face paints anyway, but also I'm not that keen on her thinking this is appropriate for her age. I'd say no and go for a swimming party or something instead, last birthday I took 6 children to the local leisure centre and then a meal afterwards and they loved it.

The only exception might be if all the other girls were having these type of parties and she wanted to reciprocate, but round here I think some of the mums would find it odd (as would I) and we also have boys along, so not really appropriate at all!

[Cherriesarelovely]

I wasn't trying to give you veiws or advice, I was commenting on your post which I am allowed to do.

[Fantail]

I like Patsy's idea. A crafty element as well as something a little bit grown up.

I actually don't have a problem with this party at 9 as long as activities are reasonably age appropriate so hair dos and glittery stuff yes, spray tans and vouchers for boob jobs in the party bag no.

You could add a dress up element to it - dress up as you favourite movie character, get a couple of 16 year olds and make one bedroom the dressing room. Keep party games - pin the sunglasses on the movie star etc

[Fakebook]

I don't see the problem with a "pamper" party for a 9 year old. A bit about all the "yuck" type comments. It's not like they're 5 or 6.

I wouldn't mind dd having that type of party at that age, but I wouldn't approve of make up as she has quite sensitive skin and I hate lipstick on young girls. Just a mani/pedi and maybe a hair do.

A pottery party sounds a bit baawring.

[SirChenjin]

I hate the whole girly/spa/pink/pamper/princess crapola as much as the next sensible woman, but on this occasion (ie her birthday) I think you have to suck it up (through gritted teeth). Imagine if you decided you really, really wanted to do X for your birthday and someone else decided that they wanted you do to Y - I suspect you might not be too thrilled! It's a birthday, a once a year event - as long as you don't encourage said crapola the rest of the time I think it's fine.

[joanofarchitrave]

I think it's ok if not imposed on her. I have to say that the word 'pamper' brings me out in hives, would she go for a 'glitter party' instead or something.... but that's a personal thing. the idea of children being encouraged to 'relax' in a commercialised way makes me homicidal, but playing with colours, body painting etc is fun, or at least could be.

Could still involve face-painting but lovely hippyish flowers, butterflies, geometric/greek key designs, leaves and branches along their feet and ankles, thunderflashes, gothicky nail art... lots of multicoloured hair sprays... candlemaking? sweetmaking? all could be fun and really not an imposition of a femininity straitjacket. I have to say that I would never have had the confidence to be girly at the same age - good for your dd.

[expatinscotland]

YABU.

[pictish]

I just cannot truly get my head around why some folks are so haughty about this?
What do they think will happen as a result of it?

[Cherriesarelovely]

I really do know what you.mean Op. My Dd is way more into clothes and things like that than either me or Dp. Obviously we make sure she pursues her interests in ways that are age appropriate but as another poster wrote it is not ALL she is into, she does kung fu, music, all sorts. It would seem unfair not to allow her to enjoy and express this part of her personality.

[Fantail]

Just thinking about this some more, just make absolutely sure that it is what she wants and not just her friends.

But if this what she is in to then do it in a 9 year old friendly way. Some girls are girly afterall.

[NeoMaxiZoomDweebie]

Patsy I wasn't sure but I'm not worried about the parents. A few girls in her year have had similar and one was for all the girls not just a few and they all came no problem.

[NeoMaxiZoomDweebie]

Fan I have no doubt she wants it...she's always loved makeup and clothes.

[Fantail]

I think that is your answer. I think a element of design a t-shirt or bag would be a good compliment.

[joanofarchitrave]

ooh. [wants to do a design-a-bag activity at my own next birthday programme]

[NeoMaxiZoomDweebie]

I'm not going to do it myself! Utter nightmare....no way. The places here don't offer any craft/pamper things unfortunately.

[Startail]

9 is fine, by 9 DD had a very clear idea of what was fashionable to wear, but too young to do make up, nails or hair well herself.
She'd have thought a pamper party was fun.

Now at 12 she'd tell the host they were doing it all wrong.

[PatsysPyjamas]

Joan, I am actually thinking of doing it for my DD's next birthday so I can join in too She'll be 7. Also, for sleepover parties, you could decorate your own pillowcase. They sell kits for this in Paperchase, but they're about £20 for one set. Clearly, you could just buy the cases and the materials separately and do it yourself.

[stealthsquiggle]

I get that it's her birthday, etc, etc, but I do shudder at the idea of 9yo pamper parties. feel free to point this out in 2 years time when DD is demanding one

Is there no room for compromise? Jewellery making? T-shirt painting /decorating?

[PatsysPyjamas]

I feel the same, stealthsquiggle, and also have an almost-7 year old. I'm assuming a lot of growing up will happen in the next two years! I really don't want to see her in make up before secondary school though. Some of my DD's 6 yr old friends already wear make up to parties

[snickersnacker]

By all means veto the pamper party if it makes you uncomfortable, but making children paint pottery against their will is downright cruel

[StuntGirl]

Well on the one hand I wouldn't as I don't think its appropriate for 9 year olds.

On the other hand you seem to have a very set criteria for what you are willing to do, so if you disallow this and the twenty or so other options you have been given, I'm not sure where you go from there.

So on that basis I will say YABU.

Frankly I think you should suck it up and make some effort for your own child's birthday.

[LittleprincessinGOLDrocks]

I think it depends on how much make up is used.
If it is a bit of sparkly lip gloss / coloured lip balms, sparkly or neon nail varnish and a bit of glittery eye shadow - I don't see the harm. I would even allow my DD that now and she is only 6. lol.

Foundation, mascara, fake tan - no way.

I wouldn't force my DD to have a pottery painting party if she didn't want it, and I love to pottery paint.

I would look in to the local beauticians offering such parties and ask them what they normally do at these parties, and find one you are comfortable with.

[LittleprincessinGOLDrocks]

Note DD does not wear make up or nail varnish to parties, I meant I would allow her a pamper party this year if she asked, as long as it was more girly glittery than full on make up