To not know why we're even friends anymore?

[ChickenLickenSticken]

22 years we've known each other (since we were 10) and we used to be inseparable but my "bestie" just upsets me these days. We've grown apart since she got a horrid boyfriend (now husband) and I've had a baby. It feels like she refuses to grasp that my life is different now; like she's disappointed in me for not being so spontaneous or free anymore. She just thinks I'm a baby bore.

Face to face it all seems fine but there is an unspoken gap. There are snidey comments from her that get around our group. She fits narc personality traits (I'm sure a psychiatrist would have a field day with the coincidence that my best friend and mother are similar in this respect).

She resents me for being a baby bore and I resent her for not letting our friendship evolve to a place where we've got different stuff going on yet we are still equal.

I just don't know what is left of our friendship. I wonder if it'll be different if/when she has her own children? I'm not convinced actually as I feel the damage is done, besides I think you need to admit to some vulnerability when you're getting to grips with a newborn and weakness isn't something she 'does'.

It's funny how everything changes when children come along; cracks turn into crevices in all sorts of relationships I guess.

yanbu I rather doubt that things will be differen t when she has her own dc - I had a bf just like this and I think you will probably find that when she does have her own dc she will expect you to think of them as the most wonderful beings ever.

I had a friend like this. We grew apart. Perhaps she is jealous, sounds like it. This is not at all unusual in friendships enduring since childhood.

I'd distance myself, accept there's little in it for you right now but delay a complete break. When things are on hold we can get a sense of perspective. You might both come back together 'fresher', but possibly not so close as before.

However if she is actively hostile, give her the sack. Her loss.

You might drift apart and then back together later on. A few of my long term friendships have been like this - we didn't get on for a few years but then circumstances changed and we became close again. Just don't force anything, do what feels right to you.

Not need to fall out, time is great like that, it allows you to either remain strong or drift.

YANBU.

I've been best friends with my best friend for 25 years, since we were 3. I can't remember not knowing her.

But, at her wedding last year, I spent the whole day wondering wtf we have in common :(

You could be me. So much of what you say rings bells.

My friendship with my best friend from school ended after I hung up on her.

In my defence, I'd been on the phone for almost an hour, DS was howling and I'd told her 3 times that I really had to go

I don't actually miss her - one less stress to deal with these days.

Jolly - My DD is 18 months old and BFF has popped over to see us randomly (ie for a chat/cuppa) twice in that time. She forgets my birthday every year yet makes a huuuuge fuss over her own, so yes, I suspect you're right!

Nonky - the distance is there already tbh and no contact would be tricky given our group of friends but I get your point. For the most part we generally don't chat much but there were some group emails flying round tonight making me think "she has no concept of what my life is like"...

Aetae/Aldi - this happened from about age 17-21, we drifted then cam back together. The last 4 years or so have been tricky really; coincides with when she got together with her now-DH.

I need - its not even about what we have in common, I don't know how much we even like each other any more.

All my other friendships are great; we accept each others faults/weaknesses, we don't judge, we sympathise, we can be open and honest.... But not with BFF. And it's a ridiculous situation because whilst others in our group feel the same, everyone tip-toes around her. Her brazen, sparky style now just makes me think she's rude and aggressive rather than enviably confident....

Sad really.