Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

to send a vair passive aggressive email to a colleague?

28 replies

MondayMorningGreens · 20/06/2013 15:45

Yesterday a colleague emailed me with a couple of questions about some work they'd done.

The work was, frankly, shit and should have been much better for someone in her post. She'd obviously just knocked something together and then sent it to me to change and edit and make it decent.

I made some comments and pointed her in the direction of some resources that would help her with the rest of it. I didn't do anything extensive but I think what I did do will be really helpful. I spent about 30 minutes on it.

So did I get a thank you email? A thank you cup of tea (this is a bit of a custom in our place)? Any acknowledgement? Did I fuckery buggery.

I'm considering forwarding her the reply I sent yesterday with just the message "you're welcome" at the top. Is this unreasonable? Too aggressive? I am mightily pissed off.

OP posts:

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow · 20/06/2013 15:47

It's tempting but don't do it.

I've got a colleage who never ever thanks me for anything.

Do you think I ever do anything for her unless I have to? No of course not. Unlike my other colleagues who I would walk over hot coals for.

DorisShutt · 20/06/2013 15:51

I tend to resend the email by forwarding it to them with the comment "didn't know if you got this yesterday, but resending in case it got lost in the system. Hope this helps!" and then a passive aggressive smiley face.

CreatureRetorts · 20/06/2013 15:54

Your email already seemed passive aggressive. You indirectly told her it was pants - why on earth do you expect a cup of tea?!

Original poster

MondayMorningGreens · 20/06/2013 15:55

Ach, but it is so tempting NotSuch

Nice idea Doris but this colleague is a bit thick doesn't really get really obvious stuff so I don't think she'd actually get the re-send... I think she'd genuinely think I was re-sending it in case she didn't get it.

The point is that I WBU for actually doing anything to help her, which totally is not my fucking job.

OP posts:

fuzzywuzzy · 20/06/2013 15:56

Creature, what would you suggest OP have done instead?

LineRunner · 20/06/2013 15:57

I would have replied to the first email with, 'What do you expect me to do with this; please be specific about your areas of need?' tbh if it was that bad.

fuzzywuzzy · 20/06/2013 15:57

It was nice of you to point her in the right direction, I refuse to do other peoples work for them as well, if I am going to be doing the work, I also want the pay frankly!

I'd not bother in future.

Original poster

MondayMorningGreens · 20/06/2013 15:57

Creature No, I didn't tell her it was pants.

My phrasing was 'I think you're right to do XXXX. There are a few other points to consider as well......'

It was phrased as genuine advice and worded exactly the same as it would be to anyone else or to her if it was decent piece of work.

If you look at my OP, we have a custom of making people tea to say thanks in my workplace. We call it 'gratitude tea' and always make someone a cuppa when they've done something to really help you out above what they should or are paid to do.

OP posts:

CreatureRetorts · 20/06/2013 15:58

Answered the questions.

Unless it was work done for me by a team member then I wouldn't have done what the OP had done.

Maybe the colleague hasn't quite finished and was sending a rough draft? She obviously asked the OP for advice - so to me that reads as if she hasnt finished yet.

Original poster

MondayMorningGreens · 20/06/2013 15:59

You're absolutely right Fuzzy... I shouldn't have done it kicks self

LineRunner She did specify that she was just after comments on the work. What I should have said was, no thats not my job now bugger off

OP posts:

CreatureRetorts · 20/06/2013 16:00

OP what I said was that you were passive aggressive - so you implied it was pants by doing what you did. Hence no need to be even more passive aggressive.

Did she ask you to do what you did? If not, then why do it?

Aetae · 20/06/2013 16:01

If it wasn't my job to help (and I didn't want any return favours from the person / thought the person was too dumb to get the concept of return favours) I wouldn't have helped out to start with! In my office you rapidly get drowned if you help everyone.

But as you did help... I'd just store it up for later reference, you'll get the opportunity to comment in a meeting at some point about "it's like that work you couldn't finish on your own and needed my help with - we do need to all pull together more as a team don't we [beatific smile]", or similar. Passive aggressive is more satisfying if there's a point, ie exposing others' incompetence to the world when they richly deserve such exposure.

Kaekae · 20/06/2013 16:01

You wouldn't be getting a cup of tea from me. But then I wouldn't have done her work for her. I wouldn't send the email and I wouldn't do her work for her next time either.

Original poster

MondayMorningGreens · 20/06/2013 16:02

Yes she asked me to have a look and then comment. I should have said no, not my job.

OP posts:

CreatureRetorts · 20/06/2013 16:04

Or you could have just made comments and left it at that?

Me and my colleagues send work to each other all the time for advice - we're peers and it makes sense to. What we don't do is tell each other where to look for extra help, we just comment and that's it. Otherwise it looks a bit rude.

ifyourehoppyandyouknowit · 20/06/2013 16:05

I wouldn't but I would really really want to.

For the first time ever I sent an email back to a colleague today, politely pointing out that what they had asked me to do was their job, not mine. I also bcc-ed my boss in because he is on at me a lot to stand up for myself and just say yes to everyone because I'm a people please.

Original poster

MondayMorningGreens · 20/06/2013 16:07

Creature Yes, its the same here. Colleagues regularly send each other bits of work to look at and comment on and in that people will often point you in the direction of extra help/resources.

I'm not miffed at helping her really. I'm happy to help people as other's help me regularly but I expect a thank you email.

OP posts:

LineRunner · 20/06/2013 16:10

I've got a colleague not pulling their weight this week and I'm having to weigh up:

a. Doing it for them so as not to make myself look bad,

b. Not doing it for them and making myself look bad,

c. Diplomatically making sure everyone knows that I am 'being helpful' by requiring a collective decision without actually doing the work for them, thus making myself look like Not A Pushover.

I am now 50, fairly hardened, and I am opting for c.

CreatureRetorts · 20/06/2013 16:10

I'm guessing she was offended. You said to us her work was shit so perhaps it came across in your email

LisbethSalender · 20/06/2013 16:12

We all have colleagues who take the biscuit and expect people to help them for no thanks. It doesn't make it right, but it happens. The fact this person is a bit thick just adds to it. Yes it's frustrating, but just suck it up and learn from it... never help them again.
A little part of me also thinks that you should take comfort from the fact that the "thick" person realises you are person to get advice from - could work to your advantage at a future date perhaps? A 'i'll help you if you make a cuppa' type arrangement?

Original poster

MondayMorningGreens · 20/06/2013 16:13

Creature I'll have you know I am very diplomatic in my emails. I jus re-read it... I think it sounds fine but I'm not ruling out that she was offended.

But still, she asked for comments, I gave them, she should say thank you!

OP posts:

Original poster

MondayMorningGreens · 20/06/2013 16:16

Lisbeth I like it, suck it up, learn from it, never help them again.

Talking about it now just makes me realise how odd the tea arrangement is actually. So if someone helps you out above and beyond what you'd expect for their job/time, you basically make them tea (or coffee for one person) and stick a post-it on the mug with 'gratitude tea' written on it and then take it to them.

OP posts:

CreatureRetorts · 20/06/2013 16:32

Or she was busy, hence the shit work in the first place!

HorryIsUpduffed · 20/06/2013 18:24

If you want to make your point, reply but instead of "You're welcome" say "WHERE'S MY BREW? :-D "

LilacPeony · 20/06/2013 18:38

Walk past her and say "I'm just off to the kitchen to make myself that Thank You Cup of Tea you never made me" then look daggers at her.

Flip

1 2

Swipe left for the next trending thread