To cancel DD's birthday playdate? WWYD?

[icklemssunshine1]

It's approaching DD's birthday & my friend & I decided to hold a joint birthday celebration for her DD & my DD as they are born 5 days apart.

The trouble is my friend is heavily pregnant. I had a MMC in Feb & found out she was pregnant 2 days later & due 10 days after what would have been my EDD. It's only lately I find it very difficult to be around her. Guess its cos I keep thinking "I should be at that stage".

I really don't know what to do. I love my friend & her DD & I know my DD would love their joint celebration but whenever I see her I go home & cry. It's playing ony mind so much I even dreamy I was pregnant last night & obviously I awoke feeling shit when reality hit.

WWYD? I feel like a bitch :(

I think the most important thing here is that you need to find someone to talk to about how you feel. And to let yourself be upset in front of them.

You're like me, you're a coper on the surface, and people just think you're OK, because you usually do a bloody good job of looking OK. But as I'm sure you know this isn't really healthy in the long run. Your feelings of bereavement and loss are real, and your mind needs to be allowed to deal with them. The alternative is drawing out the pain and having to worry it'll all come flooding out, at the "wrong" time, as you are now.

"I feel I can't talk now as time has lapsed & I just don't want to bring my friends down." This is an excuse. (Sorry if I sound harsh, but I recognise the thinking! I make excuses like this too). The timescale is irrelevant. The fact is that it's hurting you now, whether the root of that pain is last week or last decade, what you're experiencing now is real and in the present.

I understand too about not wanting to break the role. Would any of your friends be understanding and listen in the way you'd need them to if you did manage to break through that? If so, I'm sure once you started talking to them it would be easier than you thought. A friend of mine starts difficult conversations literally by saying "I need to have a difficult conversation". I've picked it up from her, once you've said it it's out in the air, and you kind of have to go on.

I hope that's somewhat helpful. I'm so sorry you're going through this. (((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))

Or, if not a friend, might you consider bereavement counselling perhaps?

threefeet, I read your post with tears. What you've said has really hit home. It's true the main reason I'm worried about this celebration is that could be the catalyst for everything coming out, which will be a MASSIVE shock to all there as I look fine, great in fact. Im actaully going through some other health problems at moment & yesterday a colleague commented that she "admired" me as I always get through things "with a smile". How could I turn round & say " a bloody good actress?".

You're right it is an excuse. Some days I feel worse then when it actually happened. I'm coping each day, still going to work, still socialising but I think with a busy life & being a mum I haven't had proper time to just sit & grieve.

Thank you for taking the time to reply & your wonderful insight.