To not sign my name as witness to this marriage and give the real reason as to why? WWYD

[dottyladybug]

My husband and I are due to go to the marriage of our business partner and friend to his girlfriend on Monday. We have both been asked to witness said marriage.

The business partner has been with this girl for around 2 years. Before he met this woman he was a bit of a whore player. I believe he was seeing other women in the early part of the relationship and was told by a friend and my sister that they had seen this guy with other women . I also saw that he had a secret mobile which he kept at our business which i presume he used to contact other women.
For the last 8 months or so I thought he had stopped this fooling around and he moved in with the girlfriend and her son from a previous relationship. They discovered they are expecting a baby a while ago and have hurried a wedding as the man is from a Muslim family and even though it is apparent to me from the way in which he lives his life he seems to want to pick which part of his religion he follows!
2 days ago myself and my husband were at the business together and the business partner popped in, came behind the till area and reached up onto the top shelf, I looked over and he moved his hand and took some eye drops from the other side of the shelf, I continued to watch him from the corner of my eye and saw him take a phone from behind some boxes on the shelf and slip it into his pocket.

He is obviously still up to his old tricks, I told my husband what I saw and said he should talk to him but he said it was none of his business and to leave it. I thought about telling the girlfriend but to be honest she will prob stay with him any way and there will prob be a falling out between me and groom groom/my husband and me/my husband.

I can't sign my name at the registry office knowing it is all a lie so I am just thinking to say I can't do it and if asked why tell the truth as that way I will prob avoid a falling out with at least my husband as if I am asked a question he can't argue with me giving an honest answer.

What would you do in this situation?

My first thought is that I would avoid attending the wedding. Develop a stomach bug or something.

My second thought is that them being married gives his partner and child legal rights and financial rights in case of a split (which, from what you say, is highly likely in the future). So I would go and sign.

What's the significance of the eyedrops? Why would he hide his phone behind boxes if not for security?

If you don't think you can be a witness then don't. Tell him to find somebody else. What reason you would give I have no idea because based on what you've posted he's more likely to be doing a bit of spy-work for MI5 than covering up a girlfriend...

I suppose, apart from refusing to sign , is to chat to him. Tell him what you are thiinking and why you are loathe to be a witness. Then at least he know you know, sort of thing.
But really it is their life, and their marriage and up to them if they want to make a go of it.

significance of eyedrops is that he only picked them up when he saw i was looking. The phone he took from the shelf was not his regular phone, that is a white iPhone, this was black with buttons so a different phone which was hidden, which he used to do when cheating.

By being a witness at the wedding, you are not saying that you are totally happy with every aspect of their relationship. You are only saying that you have known them for long enough that it would be unlikely that they were giving false identities, or that there are any legal reasons why the marriage should not go ahead - ie that they are not close relatives, already married to someone else, too young to give their consent, or marrying just to get reisdency rights.

Your personal feelings about the relationship are not what you are signing to here. You are not "approving" the marriage except in a very narrow legal sense.

In your shoes I would tell his girlfriend straight what you've seen and let her deal with him. There may be a wholly innocent explanation but I think you would be a good friend to raise your suspicions. If he is sleeping with someone else his girlfriend deserves to know to protect herself from STIs at least, especially as she's pg.

As for the wedding I think I'd say you no longer feel comfortable attend due to your suspicions. TBH if it goes ahead after you've raised your concerns they probably won't want you there anyway.

Mum in Scotland. Witnesses do not need to know the bride or groom or to confirn their identity or freedom to marry they are simply there to witness a legal transaction nothing more.

Acting as a witness has nothing to do with the validity of the relationship so you wouldn't be unreasonable to sign it in these circumstances however you also wouldn't be unreasonable to refuse either and to not want to go.

Why did you accept the invitation ?

You clearly dislike this man.

jacks 365 is right. all you need to do is witness a legal transaction and it doesn't remotely matter if you think it is a "sham" or not. People get witnesses off the streets sometimes.

However i would back out and suggest he finds another witness if it doesn't sit right with you.

But isn't this guy a thief?!!

I would talk to him about it. You don't actually have hard proof he is fooling around - the thing with the phone would raise my suspicions too but it's not enough to go to the fiancé with in its own.

I would just say its his life and his business but you aren't comfortable enough with the idea that he is going to behave honourably in the marriage to want to be an official witness to it and could he find someone else. If he asks explain, keep it factual and non-judgemental but just say your conscience won't allow it.

You sound way too over-involved in your business partner's private life.

Is he trustworthy in your enterprise?

If so, step back and find something more wholesome to occupy your mind. Your DH is right, it's none of your business.

Please stay out of it!!!

I would not consider his personal life my business. And the fact they are expecting a child will cement my opinion.

Like others have said, all you're doing is witnessing the signing of a legal document. There's nothing more to it than that. You're not going to be asked whether you're willing to support the marriage, like godparents at a Christening or anything like that.

To be honest, you're probably "endorsing" the marriage more by attending, than by witnessing it. People sometimes just pull witnesses in off the street - that's how meaningless it is.

What is your husband's view on this? I ask because it is his business partner too and by interfering in the man's personal life you may very well make it impossible to work with this man in the future.

I think I would act primarily to protect my own interests. If he is cheating, that is a horrible sleazy thing to do, but in the end, your disapproval won't change him but might affect your business.

If you really think he is cheating then tell his fiancee what you know - she deserves a chance to protect herself against STDs which could put her baby's life at risk and to keep her child from being caught up in what could be a horrendous situation. I know that there are those who believe you should keep your beak out, but I personally believe that that is a tacit endorsement of his behaviour.

All you know is he has another phone. That's all you know. The rest is suspicion and slightly weird over-involvement so no, I don't think you should tell his pregnant fiancee the day before her wedding that her husband-to-be is cheating. Because all you know is he has another phone.

As to the wedding, you clearly don't like him (and I really don't blame you tbh) so a strategic tummy bug would give you an 'out'. I agree with others, witnessing is nothing, it's just the same as when you countersign a passport or sign a contract, it's a legal technicality. But I think when people have a wedding they have a right to expect the people in the room think well of them.

I think you should have a chat with him. Personally I wouldn't feel comfortable being the witness or indeed being in business with someone clearly untrustworthy. It may well be none of your business as some others have said but imo its about your own self respect in a way. I wouldn't turn a blind eye and I wouldn't expect my hubby too either.

It is not your business, and sticking your oar in could have serious ramifactions foryourselves as well as them.