Feeling Gutted for DS

[nonameslefttouse]

My poor ds 8 was attack at school today by two boys in the same class in lunch break, although two other children tried to get the playground supervisors attention she just told them to go play and stop telling the tale whist my ds was being held in a head lock by one boy and being kicked and punched by the the other boy.

I feel so guilty I knew there was issues with them and reported some bruising which had been caused by nipping to his teacher who did move him, but this today has just made me want to go pull him out of school, there are three pupils doing as they please without anything happening. Please give me some advice, finding it hard to be cool calm and collective! I am going into school first thing to see the head teacher.

I wouldn't even think twice about it being a governors child, should make no difference to head unless he/she is corrupt !

The best way of dealing with this is to raise the biggest stink you can as quickly as possible.

Go and see the head today, taking a witness with you. Have a letter prepared beforehand and leave it with them. Include photos and a formal complaint about the supervisor.

Send a copy to the governors - individually if you can. Threaten to involve the police is this isn't dealt with by Monday. Mention a letter to the local press.

That'll get them moving

Is it really normal to involve the police in playground fights (genuine question, dd is only 2 so I don't have any experience of primary schools other than when I was in one many many years ago).

What on earth would the police do about an incident like this?

No, it's not normal to involve police in playground fights ( unless maybe it between 16 year olds wielding weapons ).

When DS2 was at primary school, a friend's DS was being bullied by the Yr 6 class teacher's DS (who was in Yr 5 at the time). She (and her DH), tried approaching the teacher in question (bully's mum) - who basically said that her DS was a "good boy" and that they (bullied child's parents) needed to be more aware of the fact that their DS's "quirks" (he is autistic) wind up & annoy the other pupils and make him an obvious target for bullies! Basically, he was asking for by being different.

The HT said he would look in to it, only to come back and say that "nothing untoward has been observed". This was clearly not true as several other parents' of Yr 5 pupils had been sufficiently concerned by what their DCs were telling them they had seen to speak to bullied child's parents about it - assuming they were unaware but needed to know.

In the end, the parents involved the LEA & Autism Outreach - a meeting was held & things did improve significantly, although not completely.

The HT's final word on the matter was "oh well, the boys will be going to different schools at the end of next year, so that will be a natural end to it" .

I'm absolutely amazed at the number of people suggesting getting the police involved at a first instance, before allowing the school to deal with it. Can you imagine what would happen if the police were contacted about all playground fights?

I'm also slightly surprised on Mumsnet by how many 'bullies' and aggressors appear to be the children of governors or the head of the PTA. Well, who'd a thunk it? There often seems to be an assumption of collusion and cover ups. Do you think Govian suspicion and Daily Mail-itis is infecting everyone?

Go to the head first and explain verbally what happened. Of course you can ask to see the anti-bullying policy. I would be astonished if the head did not take it very seriously. Remember, though, you've only heard your son's description and it will be the head's responsibility among other things to check out the facts. None of us were in the playground, so we don't know what happened, and neither were you.

If you're not satisfied with the response, then you'll need to take it further by putting it in writing and/or escalating to the governors. However, this is not a first line of investigation. Why assume that the head and staff will not deal with it appropriately?

I hope your son is ok? The poor little fellow.

I would want to see what the school was going to do about it before deciding the next step but I do think it's important that you do everything you can do ensure this does not happen again. Did you get to see the Head this morning?

I'd want to see a copy of their anti-bullying policy as others have suggested but also I'd want to know exactly how they are going to apply it in this case.

I'd also want to know what is going to be done about the supervisor who failed their responsibility in supervising the children. To not see it is one thing, to ignore it when it is reported is negligent and some action needs to be taken there. I'm actually really angry on your behalf that this adult failed your DS so completely.

The fact that one of the boys is the DS of one of the governors is neither here nor there. If the school cannot address this to your satisfaction, let them know you'll be following up with the governors and with the LEA and then immediately go and do exactly that.

As well as taking whatever steps are needed to ensure your son is not terrorized, it's important that he see's you taking steps to protect him, and seeing the adults step in and make him safe.

Poor guy. I hope he was ok heading into school today.

singersgirl - in answer to your question "Why assume that the head and staff will not deal with it appropriately?"

I think normally you would but given that the supervisor failed in their duty to supervise and also that " head teacher on the phone appeared to think everything is fine has she put a compress on his badly bruised and swollen legs! " raises doubt in this case.

I agree that, according to the OP's account, the playground supervisor does not appear to have been doing her duty, but, however awful the story sounds, we don't know the facts, and, quite understandably, the OP sounds very emotional. It would be extraordinary for a head to say on the phone, without investigating further, that of course a member of staff had been negligent. She/he was probably trying to reassure and calm the parent before finding out what actually happened.

By the way, it is possible that this is a terrible school. I do know that. It's just that in my experience most schools are not terrible and most teachers/headteachers are genuinely trying to do the best for their pupils. And I know that when one's child is hurt it's easy to leap to the conclusion that no one is trying to help, when they may just be trying to be objective.

Headlocks and being punched and kicked ? That is absolutely horrific and I'm REALLY surprised at the number of people who are dismissive of the level.of violence used. I would contact the police OP. I know of 1 parent who reported a smilar incident and the police were brilliant. I would think that a visit from the police at this early age might be worth it in the long term as a preventative measure.

concrete I'm not dismissing the level of violence, just not sure if the police should be involved.

What did the police actually do in the similar incident you meantion?

Well if one was holding in a headlock so that the other could punch/kick, that's not really a playground fight, is it?

It's a deliberately planned assault.

If it was adults/not the playground it would be reported, wouldn't it?

So why shouldn't it just because the thugs in question are 8 & did it at school?

As for the supervisor who could have witnessed & prevented the attack

WhenSheWasBad they visited and spoke to both of the kids who'd attacked the other child. So far, their behaviour both inside and outside school seems to have settled significantly.

Well that sounds like a good result concrete like I said I don't have a child in school yet. I wouldn't have dreamt of calling the police for an incident like this (not saying its not serious).
I honestly didn't think the police would have time to deal with things like this. I guess times have changed I'm getting old

Just had a read through as been out since lunch. I can only assume the people who have advised OP calls the police are either parents of PFB's or DM readers. What is the world coming to

Don't feel guilty. You spotted there was a problem, you made sure the teacher was aware and took action. The fact that they didn't take sufficient action to prevent a second incident isn't your fault.

Do get angry. The school has a duty to keep your child safe and to prevent bullying. Get a copy of the policy, make an appointment with the head to go through what happened, and get firm commitments to a plan of action to take to ensure it doesn't happen again. If you don't get a firm commitment to a set of actions you are happy with - or if they don't follow through on them - get a copy of the complaints procedure and go to the governors in the way suggested by Schoolgovenor above.

Many thanks for all your responses. I have had an eventful day with the school, unfortunately the head was not at school today so I couldn't see her, I was a little fobbed off with regards to meeting and asked if next week was ok! I said no and asked if I could see his teacher instead so I could get reassurance that he would be kept safe, I was told she would call me to discuss. Walking back to my car thinking well I don't know what measures have been put in place to prevent this happening again I decided to go back to the school office and request my ds be removed so I could make sure he was safe. His teacher met me within minutes, she was brilliant, reassuring me the incident was not anything that ds had done wrong, told me what a nice boy he is at school etc, however the measures she has put in place which i do really appreciate can't possibly work week in week out, basically she has taken full responsibility for my ds making sure she is there each break times, lunch times etc supervising the supervisors! She has phoned me the reassure me he is ok.

She has assured me she has spoken to the supervisors and meetings had taken place with the other boys parents. I have found out so much today about what has been happening to my ds I am still so gutted he hasn't told me the severity of what he's gone through, but I promised him last night this will stop today I will do everything in power to prevent this. I have a meeting with the head on Monday where I have put together formal complaints about the two boys, lunch time supervisor and a third boy for bullying.

I have since found out that there were incidents on Monday where a fellow pupil intervened to prevent my ds being punched and was punched himself, Friday last week also resulted in my ds being punched in the stomach leaving him winded, again all at lunch time.

I feel I have let my ds down so much, the incidents I am now aware of just cannot continue in any shape or form, he's been so brave especially has been through so much.

You've not let him down. You can't fix what you didn't know about, and now you do know you're obviously fighting his corner.

I'm glad the teacher's on side - as you say her keeping watch all the time is not sustainable in the long term, but it will keep him safe (and reassure him that his needs are important and that people are on his side) while a more permanent solution is sorted out.

I would also recommend keeping a paper trail write an email to the head stating everything you know to date, what the teacher said and you look forward to your meeting Monday to clarify how the situation can be resolved.

That way of you don't get a satisfactory response you have back up. I would also confirm everything discussed at your meeting with her so that there can be no come back at a later date.

I feel for you as you expect them to be kept safe at school.

Last year I discovered my DS was being beaten up by a boy in his class, and that it had happened every day for months. The boy had a severe anger problem, and other issues, since he started school, and was under CAHMS. I spoke to the Head, and his teacher, who put into effect their 'no blame' policy. Against my better judgement (since I DID blame this boy, who bloody wouldn't?) I let them carry through, and within a week it had happened again, he came home with a split lip. He had told his teacher, but nothing much had been done. At this point I did go mad, I told them my son was not to subject to that policy any more and I threatened to bring in the police if it happened again. I subsequently discovered that it was only after this that the boy's mother was told what was happening, so I presume it was only mention of the police which actually got things moving.
In your case I wouldn't involve the police in this first reported instance, but if it were to happen again I would consider that to be sustained assault and I would certainly use words like assault in all correspondence with the school. I hope your son is OK. My DS found this book quite useful I think:
www.amazon.co.uk/Bullies-Bigmouths-So-called-Friends-Alexander/dp/0340911840/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1371841594&sr=8-1&keywords=bullies+bigmouths+and+so-called+friends

And yes I meant to say, keep everything in writing and ask (in writing) for a written response from the school/governors. This way it's plain what they have been told, and what they have agreed to do.