to expect hubby to let me go the gym/watch kids sleep??

[Mummy252]

Ok so I had my 2nd (and last) child 4 1/2 weeks ago. I put on a lot of weight as I did with my 1st pregnancy and am keen to get rid of it, like I did last time!!
I couldn't exercise during the pregnancy due to complications (hence weight gain) so im looking at a whole new schedule.
I want to go to the gym because I don't like running, exercise dvds just aren't me and I don't have the money to spend hundreds on gym equipment for home. I like going to the gym and it will make me feel better about myself if I get fit again.
anyway, the only time I can fit it in by my calculations is either in the very early morning or very late at night. early morning is when I used to do it with dd when she was a baby, I'd get up and go before she woke up, but now there is 2 and dd is much bigger and harder work!

so my suggestion to hubby is that I go to the gym in the mornings and we move dd's wake up time to 8am instead of 7. it doesn't really matter since I am with her all dy anyway. just move everything an hour later?
so I would get up at 5;45, wash and sterilise the babys bottles and pack the baby bag for the day, head off to the gym to be there for when it opens at 6;30, get in an hour, come straight home and be home for 7;45 at the latest.
DH has to start getting ready for work at 8;10, so plenty of time. I would then get the kids up and dressed and start breakfast with them whilst he gets ready.

HERES THE PROBLEM
DD is a nightmare sleeper. she gets this from me, I am terrible too and always have been! she wakes up about 3-5 times a night and in honesty my 4-5am is usually in our bed. the reason for this is 1-I'm a softy and 2-by 5am if she doesn't settle back quite quickly then she fully wakes up and just wants to get up. once she's awake you've basically had it. she doesn't do that a lot, maybe once a month but like I said, she's in our bed. when she's in our bed and stirs its me that resettles her, she WILL NOT allow daddy to do it, she just goes mental. in fairness he never used to do it and she's just used to me doing it. with our new baby if she wakes up and I'm feeding him daddy has to take over and do the baby whilst I get her back to sleep. SO DH doesn't think I can go in the morning and leave him with her incase she goes mental. he has the same issue with me going at night, what does he do if DD wakes up?

my argument is that she doesn't accept him because he didn't do it from day 1, so he's had it easy for a long time, now theres 2 I need his help and ok she might go mad the first few times but she will get used to it. I will only be out of the house for 90 minutes.
so am I being unreasonable.

Yes yabu you need to be sleeping/ taking things easy at four and and half weeks post birth not going to the gym at crazy times.
Could you not go in plenty of walks with the pram instead?

How old is DD? My DD was like this until about 2. Now she sleeps until 8am.

Your DH needs to step up but it is very hard when essentially they are rejecting you. DD does this with DH and he perseveres but it is horrible when she is screaming, "Mummy do it, Mummy read book, Mummy hug". They do settle down and after a couple of nights of Daddy doing bedtime, she will accept it.

You're not even 5 weeks post-partum, take it easy.

You're making me tired just thinking about the gym and my 2nd (and also last!) child is 10 months old

Your dh is being a bit pathetic. I understand that it's hard to have your child screaming for the other parent but if you're not there I bet he'll be surprised how easily she would accept him doing the things you usually do. It's unreasonable for him to say you can never go out and leave him with your dd in case she wakes up. I don't think you said how old your dd is, but since you've had your second child I think it's safe to assume that she is old enough for you to discuss this with her in advance to prepare her. Introduce the idea a couple of days in advance that in the mornings you won't be there so daddy will be looking after her, and she needs to go back to sleep nicely for him.

What's the worst that can happen anyway? She wakes up for good at 5am once in a while. My ds woke up at 5am for YEARS.

I was told not to do anything but very light exercise for 6 weeks after giving birth. I thought this was the same guideline for all women.

Could you maybe find out if there's a buggy fit class near you? Or go on lots of walks?

You could even pick up a very cheap exercise bike/elliptical from Gumtree or a local selling page on Facebook. Or even get a good DVD. I'm doing the 30 day shred right now - but would not recommend you trying this until at least 6 months after giving birth.

i'm nearly 5 weeks and am just sorting things out for when I am 6 weeks and can start again.
I know going for walks etc might shift a bit of weight but I like to be fit, not just skinny so I do feel like the gym is where I need to be. I really njo it when I get into it too, makes me feel better about myself etc.
I think im just going to tell dh im doing it! I get no other me time, and that's no exaggeration, so if im willing to get up at 5;30 to have some gym/me time then he can manage to stay in bed and look after the kids IF they wake up!!

can't see the problem, if the issue is at 5am then that's before you would leave anyway, surely being prepared to go on a daily basis is fine, but gyming 7 days a week isn't good for you anyway.

Not saying DH shouldn't help or be prepared but really what's the fuss. There is a fine line between pandering to a child and laying down rules. I'm not sure which is right, (and indeed whether you are) but surely DD should be aware that 5am is not an appropriate time to get up.

The problem I would see is that if DH has a full day of work ahead of him from getting up at 8am and beyond, then its unfair for him to get up from 5am - thats a long day for him.

Unless you both work, in which case you need to come to a comprimise.

What about going to the gym at the weekends, or when DH comes home from work? Or saving your money and going for a walk or run?

YABU to be considering going to the gym so soon after birth, you're still healing! Wait intil after your 6 week check before going down that route
however you are NBU about your DH and you need to nip this in the bud as soon as possible. He needs to be totally hands on with all aspects not just the fun stuff, the difficult parts too.

DH needs to be able to settle her - I agree that after a couple of times she'd get used to it (and if it's only happening once a month, then it's not even a big deal)

Zippey - I don't see why her DH can't do a full day's work after getting up at 5? That's a normal wake up time for thousands of commuters and workers! He could always go to bed a bit early every now and then to make up. An adult should manage a 5am wakeup once every now and then!

Whether or not you want to go to the gym is your business, and bears no relevance to your question. Your husband should man up and at least try the new routine and if it doesn't work, well, it doesn't work. There's no reason you shouldn't at least give it a shot, and he should be able to settle his kids just as well as you can with a little practice.

Can't you do a normal time at the weekend?

Your dh needs to man up about the settling, dd will only settle with you as you are pandering to her.

You need to throttle back on the mind set of this going to the gym every day and getting fit, you've just had a baby ffs, brisk walking, light weights and healthy diet are all you need for now.

Jesus my youngest is 13 and your post made me feel tired!!!!

YANBU
Are you likely to wake DD up when you get up early to go to the gym? That could cause problems.

Why is this so important to you that you'll lose vital sleep? This doesn't sound healthy op sorry. But yes your husband is being a baby.

Yanbu. Agree wait until at least 6 weeks and agree suitable workout with the trainer. What about starting one weekday eg Weds and one weekend day for starters?

Thanks for the replies, I was planning on going 3-4 times a week not every day and I will start slowly after my 6 week check up.
I'm very active with dd anyway, so walking etc is just part if our day, I don't even think of it as exercise really.
I used to play hockey for the uk and I guess I just find it hard not to be physically fit as well as looking good. Both pregnancies I have piled on the pounds and had to accept that due to the complications I've had but I just don't feel myself looking or feeling like this. I know ppl say you have to be comfortable in your own skin but I just have no confidence unless I am looking and feeling better.
I used to be obsessive about exercise (as you can imagine) and would workout daily sometimes twice as well as training. Obviously the life of a mummy is very different and something I'm still getting used to but I don't want to completely lose the old me.
One day dd will be playing her sports and I want to be there running round with her!
Dh has been helping out more since ds came along, I guess he's had to, so it's not like he does nothing, he doesn't get much time for himself either but he does get some, usually spent on a computer.
As for weekends, dh works Saturday so I'd still have to go for the gym opening and Sunday is our only family day so we normally go see all the family or have a day out.
I think I'm just going to give it a go, if it doesn't work ill try something else but I want to at least try!

Give it a try- but does the gym not have a crèche?

Yes was going to suggest crèche. Our council gym had one and was briliant with DD (lost 4 stone, piling it back on, stopped gym when went back to work)...

Regardless of what the recommendations are for exercising post natally - I don't know.

I think dc adapt. You jump through hoops to accommodate them. And then you find out they'd have adapted just fine. What's the worst that could happen if dd went mad? Lots of screaming? It could be at least tried if it's important to you.