Oops, that's gone down well

[QueenofallIsee]

BIL popped round (sort of person who should have a sandwich board and bell so sure is he of impending doom) bouncing ds2 on his knee..
ds2: are you happy now Uncle x?
BIL: of course little man, why would I not be
ds2: cos Mummy says you are a right sad case.

awkward!

When DH was little, at school one day they were talking about what everyone's parents did, in class. It got round to DH who was about 5 at the time and, instead of saying 'my daddy is a builder, shop manager, miner' etc, he said 'my daddy is a drunken pig'. Apparently this is what his Dgm had told him. My Dmil was mortified. (it was a bit true though. A little bit.)

I remember once at my grandparents my little bro (aged 2) piped up 'Daddy told you not to wear that top as it clashes with the wallpaper'.

I once asked my mother whether the lady she was talking to was the nosey old cow.

Apparently it was.

My son shouted "hello grumpy lady!" and waved cheerfully at our less than friendly neighbour.

She smiled...maybe she's got a sense of humour after all, or maybe she's deaf.

Love these! My daughter (aged about 18mths, she is now 15) dropped her dolly in the High Street while out with my very proper scottish Granny, she said 'ahh, pack of bastards' and picked up said dolly. Cue ear ringing lecture than still resonates 14yrs later...you would think that enough to teach me to engage brain before gob wouldn't you

We had a selection of Daves at college. There was Big Dave, Ginger Dave, Library Dave, Little Dave and Cardiac Dave (he had a very mild heart attack on the first day). However, Cardiac Dave became Respiratory Dave a year later after he ended up with a collapsed lung...

Thanks all for making me smile on a Wednesday morning!

Brilliant.

Yesterday I told my (8) that I'm expecting my second child. He clapped and said "well done".

Not sure he understands how it got in there!

We lived in a small close, one neighbour had a daughter about 15, call her Mary. The boy next door, call him John, used to babysit for dd when he was about 15 and dd 4 or so. One day she saw a man in the close, and asked if he was Mary's dad. Yes, he said, proudly. In a conversational tone, dd said, John says Mary is a tart. I still blush now.

We had vile neighbours as a kid.

They knocked one day and apparently I shouted up the stairs 'MUUUUUUUUUUUUUUM, IT's THE NASTY NEIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHBOURRRRRRRRRRRRS'

Luckily I can't remember it...unlike my mum...

A bloke DH used to work with used to go out with a woman called Dave.

Well to be fair her name wasn't really Dave but that's what everyone at his work called her, because she had "DAVE" tattooed on her knuckles.

oh Calamity Kate, am in awe of the Dave tat lady..closest I have is a woman with her own name tattooed on her neck (my joke about every photo being admissible as id was met with stony silence) but Dave on the knuckles! loving her work there

DSis 3 walked up to our elderly, former-headmaster neighbour when she was about 4, said "Penis" quite emphatically, and walked away.

My mum was like

When I was little I asked my aunt and uncle why the rest of the family called them 'doom and gloom'. They are actually really lovely and I think it was kind of an affectionate nickname luckily. They just didn't know about it!

We have two friends called Ben. One can be a bit of a knob, so he became Wanky Ben. The other, obvs, was Non-Wanky Ben. Both work in IT

A few years ago we were having hassle with our computer, and NWB offered to fix it for a pint, and we took him up on it.
Before he came round to do it, we went to visit WB, who also very kindly offered to sort it.....

Me: "Nah, it's ok, thanks, Non-Wanky Ben's doing it...."