Emailing the Headteacher...

[M0naLisa]

Ds2 goes to year 1 this September. He has one best friend. The school mixes the classes up each year.

I've just emailed the Headteacher to ask about keeping ds2 in the same class as his best friend.

Would you say I was unreasonable to ask this?

I personally wouldn't do this. Dd is also going into year 1 this September and she's made a really good friend in her class but I also want her to branch out a bit and make new friends. They're so young and personalities are still developing. I think It's important to expose them to different people and situations so they get out of their comfort zone and not get too dependent on one person.

So the option your DS has is "with his best friend" or "not with his best friend". It's obvious what he'd want. There's no doubt going to be a whole bunch of new friends in a new class he's yet to meet, and he won't appreciate that just yet. I've always favoured mixing up classes and seeing what happens.

At primary school my DCs were never given an option on who they might like to stay with, but that did happen at secondary. I was so pleased when DS1 wasn't in the same class as a troublesome friend he'd been with through primary school . . . until said friend's mum asked for him to be moved into the same class as my DS.

It's usually the parents who are most upset about mixing up classes. The children very quickly settle down and they do make new friends and they will still see old friends at break time and after school. You can certainly ensure the latter if they are split up.

Yes totally unreasonable.

When my son went into year three he was split from his two best friends. I was upset but he didn't seem overly bothered.

It was one of the best things that could have happened and I actually think now it was done with a purpose. His friends were very quiet and reticent and not overly keen on trying new things and my son went along with it. When he was put in a class with more boisterous exhuerent boys he really came out of himself and has really blossomed.

They are mixed agian next year (year 5) and his teacher said he hopes my son will be in the 'livelier' class as it does bring him along but at the same time he is more mature than some and acts as a calming influence on the others.

My sons school mixes classes every two years in juniors and every year in seniors. The result is boys who seem to be friendly generally with everyone and they seem generally more confident as they learn the skills of making friends and getting on with people generally.

I don't think it's unreasonable as long as it's expressed as "if it's possible" and "if the teacher agrees"...

So if the teacher says "actually it would be better for those two to be apart" then that takes priority.

I dislike the deliberately splitting up friends unless there is something badly wrong. It just doesn't sit well with me. And often one makes a new friend first producing the situation where:
eg. A and B are friends who are split. A makes friend C and B doesn't make a new friend.
So B still meets up with A and C in the playground, so in their form B is seen as not needing/wanting a friend, so doesn't make new friends. C is jealous of B and B is jealous of C. A is torn between the two not wanting to upset either, or takes one side (usually C) leaving the other one very upset, or even feeling bullied. Seen that one several times.

Also my observation of one of my dc's years having been mixed up, is that it allows the popular confident children to expand their range of friends, often dropping the quieter ones who are less interesting to them. Producing a distinct upper and lower group of children.
The quieter less confident ones are just beginning to feel comfortable with their new friends at the start of the summer term...

We will face the same problem but my ds's school split solely and strictly on age, so there are no arguments, no ifs and buts. It does concern me but I guess that's life and he will have to get on with it. It's the only thing that bothers me about the school.

I think you were BU to email the head teacher and not the head of year, for example. I think the head has more to concern themselves with tbh.

PrettyKitty I don't know where the OP is but round here the standard for infant and junior schools is a five-form entry i.e. 150 children per yeargroup. One school has a six-form entry. We aren't in a city either.

I think that its good for children to be split up - its not like they spend time playing in class in yr1 and above.

Ds's school remix every year - they used to let parents give preferences, but stopped as parents were colluding to try and engineer the class. Now the children specify 2 people they'd like to be with

Ours is a 2 form entry and every year they are swapped around - learning to deal with change is very important from an early age...

My girls have large friendship groups over both classes - there is very little of the "best friend" stuff going on... Relying on one child for friendship is not necessarily a good thing - what about when they go up to secondary - ours go to about 5 different schools from our primary - would you choose a school because his best friend is going there? or because it met your child's educational needs..?