To think this is not fair on DD, and to say no?

[MoreEffortNeeded]

DD is 8 months, and ex has seen her once-twice a fortnight for a couple of hours for the past 2 months, before that it has been on and off similar amounts.
DD gets very upset throughout contact, and doesn't recognise him in a positive way (if anything she is much worse than she is with strangers) he shows no care towards her, seems to view her more as a doll to preform for him. (among other things)

He is now saying he wants me to leave her to cry alone with him during contact until she "learns she can't cry for attention" and that she needs to do this in order to know he is her dad.
I said it is fine for her to be grizzling or crying, but that I am not prepared to leave her hysterically screaming, and that it is not going to help their relationship if she is left so upset during visits.

He said it doesn't do babies harm to cry as she won't remember later that day, and that she needs to learn like an older child would that she can't get her own way.
I have said he needs to visit more/for longer, not leave her to scream, if he is serious about speeding up her getting to know him. He is refusing to visit more than an hour or 2 a week, so we have now reached a stalemate.
AIBU? I can't see how it benefits her to be left screaming/alone at this stage, and think he should put the effort not expect her to just scream it out for his benefit.

That is horrible. No way would I allow that. He sounds awful and completely selfish. So sorry OP.

at 8 m old , she won't remember him from one visit to the next, He is a stranger to her.
to play devils advocate, it is going to be difficult for him to soothe her whilst you are there because sh4e will always be wanting you.I thonk you have to give it a chance..

She's now 19 months but would always calm down once I was actually gone, at 8 months she was still seeing her father in similar circumstances to you and it was hell. He was the one who insisted on me being present but with me around she just wanted me and would have nothing to do with him.

If your ex applies for contact through the court he would need to make it on a regular basis, the court won't accept as and when he fancies. Unless its a very tricky case solicitors are not needed or very helpful so loss of legal aid isn't an issue. It may be worth calling his bluff and saying he has to put a regular arrangement in place, you will need that in the future anyway and you will ignore any ad hoc requests otherwise.

Important question though is he on the birth certificate because if he isn't applying for contact through the courts is a much harder process

Jacks,

A court will accept as and when contact they often do, a contact order only means the pwc has to make the child available for contact it does not mean a nrp has to show up.