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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To want to go and see a new art film (Paradise: Love) but scared of sex scenes

27 replies

ARealDame · 17/06/2013 14:41

Its about a group of middle-aged Austrian women friends who go to Kenya and sort of get involved in the sex tourism thing. I've watched the trailer, and it looks an interesting film. But the reviews imply the sex scenes are disturbing, not porn or erotic in any way (the Guardian), but so explicit as to be not given a film classification. I should mention, I am on the squeamish side...

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Beeyump · 17/06/2013 14:55

It does look interesting, but I don't think I could bear to watch it - I cringed so much during the trailer it was painful! I'm a bit annoyed at my own squeamishness though, I'm sure it's a great film...

loveliesbleeding1 · 17/06/2013 15:03

Do you think it will be available on dvd at least you can ff the squeamish bits!

SoftlySoftly · 17/06/2013 15:17

Eek just watched the trailer think I'd watch it but peeking between't my fingers whole cringing.

EstelleGetty · 17/06/2013 16:44

Oof, I've spent many years watching quite challenging, masochistic European films for my PhD - Michael Haneke, Lars von Trier, Catherine Breillat etc. I have seen some nasty sex scenes. And now I feel quite confident that, if something looks like it's going to upset me, it will so I try to avoid anything of that sort! Went to see Amour last year and was crying for about 2 hours afterwards Sad. I've decided now that I've spent a long time exploring offbeat cinema and no longer need to subject myself to stuff which I know will upset me!

In other words, I would wait for the DVD.

CocacolaMum · 17/06/2013 16:53

if its the film I just watched it looks like it will be cringeworthy but not gross!?

EhricLovesTeamQhuay · 17/06/2013 17:10

Ugh I think I would just die of cringe if I saw that. I really don't want to see any of those couples having sex.

(Disclaimer - not because of any shallow reasons, but because the nastiness of the dynamics would make me feel ill)

ARealDame · 17/06/2013 17:17

Well, I've decided to go and see it. Maybe partly because I feel a bit supported here (weird). I thought some of the ideas around the film and the cinematic beauty of some of it (in the trailer) feel somewhat compelling.

I'm not waiting for the DVD, partly because I think art film DVDs can be a lot more pricey than others.

Poor you Estelle* - I don't like nasty sex or violent scenes either, and can be very sensitive about them (even French- kissing in EastEnders makes me feel ill.) I am a little curious about what your PhD made of it all, though I don't envy you some of what you had to see ...

The trailer didn't faze me at all but I am expecting much more difficult bits and I will just have to put my hands over my eyes. I am quite prepared to do that, hopefully not too much.

Its a 2 hour film, so quite long. Will return and do a short review here later in the week.

*Now I will have to google 'Amour'

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ARealDame · 17/06/2013 17:18

But I can close my eyes during the sex (like real life - just kidding Grin!)

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EstelleGetty · 17/06/2013 17:50

Good luck, Dame, I'd be interested to hear your review!

Och, I made a choice to look at the new extremes of European cinema, so it was totally my own fault! There are a couple of films I need to re-watch before I finish my thesis, but now I know which bits to fastforward Grin.

Amour is an incredible film, really beautifully made (Emmanuelle Riva was nominated for a best actress Oscar for it last year), but it's unbearably sad. It's about an elderly couple who are very happy, but the wife becomes ill and the husband starts falling apart.

If you're interested in post-colonial stories like Paradise: Love, with stuff about the dynamics between white westerners and citizens of countries the west formerly 'ruled,' you should check out Claire Denis's films - Chocolat, Beau travail and White Material are amazing. She's a white French woman who grew up in a former African colony and her stories are often about where people belong, how they see their own identity and what relations are like between the 1st and 3rd world.

ARealDame · 17/06/2013 18:25

Thanks Estelle, I will look into Amour. I love a good film and see so few of them. Unless I really threw myself into the subject, it is easy to miss good new ones, but I am much too sporadic in my attention probably.

My main interest in Paradise: Love is probably sparked by the female angle (plus the nature cinematography). So few films deal genuinely with women, especially middle-aged women. Its all Bond Girls and Romantic Comedies. One of my favourite films of all time is Dream Life of Angels, which is a book about two young women and their travails in life, a French male director, but excellent. Also "The Mother". And "Julia".

However, I am also interested in the subject of identity, and I think its a neglected subject in film, maybe will look at the films you recommend. Which one is your favourite? If you are doing a PhD, are you relatively young, have you thought of making films!? Or are you more in the line of criticism?

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ARealDame · 17/06/2013 18:26

I mean a film about two young women and their travails in life.

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WetDog · 17/06/2013 18:35

I don't know if I'm missing something or I'm completely de-sensitised but I've watched the trailer and read reviews and can't see how the sex scenes would be particularly disturbing.

Looks a bit of a strange film, maybe a bit cringey, but pretty interesting.

EstelleGetty · 17/06/2013 18:45

I love The Dream Life of Angels, Dame! It's absolutely brilliant, isn't it? I haven't seen it in years, will have to dig it out. The music at the end breaks my heart.

A lot of my early research focused on exactly what you're talking about - how women are represented or misrepresented. One director who's done amazing work in that area is Agnes Varda - she was the sole woman in the French New Wave and her films are really heartfelt, interesting looks at how women see themselves, so getting away from an objectifying male gaze. Vagabond and Cleo de 5 a 7 are wonderful.

Apologies, I could talk about this for hours.

ARealDame · 17/06/2013 18:57

Yes Estelle, I agree, Dream Life of Angels is stunning, totally. I saw it at the cinema first, and was totally amazed afterwards that such a beautiful and realistic film had ever been made. The actresses were amazing, the ending shocking (though I don't remember the music I have to say). I personally wanted to meet the Director just to tell him how brilliant I though the film was. I found the fact that he was a man and could direct such a film a bit amazing too (like Hanif Kureshi writing 'The Mother'). Does the guy live in France Grin? Should I write to him or go and meet him (like in a movie!?) Agnes Varda, rings a bell, yes I've seen Vagabond maybe but not 100% if I can't recall, anyway will have to take another look ...

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spotscotch · 17/06/2013 20:14

Sorry I am another one who is missing something major here after watching the trailer and reviews. What do people mean by 'squeamish' and 'disturbing'? I think it looks quite interesting but I don't think I will go and see it...!

Beeyump · 17/06/2013 23:01

Yes, please do tell us what you think of it! I can watch it vicariously that way. Smile
I think for me it's not being disgusted or anything, it's more just dying of a horrid cocktail of embarrassment and pity for the characters. (Although, really, how on earth would I know without watching the film in full.)

BOF · 18/06/2013 04:03

It looks interesting to me. I will look out for it.

ARealDame · 18/06/2013 09:52

Yes, hope to see it later this week and will pop back with my thoughts Smile.

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MoominMammasHandbag · 18/06/2013 11:42

Another person missing something here. Wealthy middle aged people exploit younger, poor, attractive people all the time. It's unpleasant but hardly shocking.

EhricLovesTeamQhuay · 18/06/2013 13:14

I find scenes of sexual exploitation shocking, don't you?

MoominMammasHandbag · 18/06/2013 15:14

I find such scenes deeply unpleasant but not particularly shocking. I got the impression people were finding the trailer "cringy" because the scenes involved a plain middle aged woman and a beautiful young man; which is interesting because we see plenty of sex scenes involving middle aged men and beautiful young women.

ARealDame · 20/06/2013 18:43

Well, I went to see it. I thought it was actually a good film, sensitive and intelligent, and full of life, yet delicate at times. I think there were various issues being looked at and yet it remained a beautiful film in terms of the way it was filmed, the scenery, light, actors and conversations and music, etc. The leading actress was excellent too.

Re. the sex, there was three main difficult scenes. I just literally closed my eyes so didn't see anything very much really though I knew vaguely what was going on. It wasn't all gratuitous sex, sometimes a door just closed, sometimes it was just pre-sex preliminaries and post-sex conversation. But some aspects of the sex scenes I still thought of as exploitative of the actors, ironically, given the subject matter (sex as a commodity, sex as exploitation). Apart from that, I think all the parties were dealt with sensitively. Its a shame in a way, because without that, the film could possibly have a much wider distribution.

Having seen the trailer, one has a very good idea of the film, perhaps even too much so. There were no real surprises. Often I don't like to read reviews for this reason, but in this case it was good to be warned of the sex, I would have hated to have been surprised with this. The African music soundtrack was great, though I can't see it available as a soundtrack like most box office films.

It has reminded me how fab some non-mainstream films are, and how great it is to see them sometimes. And to see film as art, and a real addition to life's creative expression.

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ARealDame · 20/06/2013 18:53

Paradise:Love also reminded me somewhat of Looking For Mr Goodbar (sp?), if anyone remembers that film with Diane Keaton from the 1970s? There the main female character was also looking for love through various sexual encounters. (I think the ending was very disturbing though to the extent I think I blocked some of it out of my mind in fact Confused.)

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SoleSource · 20/06/2013 19:04

Plus size people feature in this movie?

SoleSource · 20/06/2013 19:08