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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To tell DH to fetch it himself?

167 replies

GooseyLoosey · 17/06/2013 10:38

Bit of background - DH likes bikes. Not like a normal person might but in the way that a train spotter likes trains. This has caused some tension over the years but I try to rise above it. DH has over 20 bikes in various states of partial dismemberment. He yearns to buy more "vintage bikes" (aka rubbish) all of the time and spends hours looking at pictures on e-bay. It is quite sad really.

Yesterday he runs into the kitchen telling me he had found a bike with the perfect 1950s cranks on that he had been looking for for months. His for a mere hundred and something pounds, but not to worry because there were bits on it he did not want that he could sell for twice that. He has never sold one single bike bit despite saying something similar each time he buys one. I tell him he knows my feelings about bikes and what our finances are like but he is an adult and I am not going to stop him spending the money he earns. Two minutes later he comes into the kitchen, the proud owner of yet another bike. I grimmace.

He comes to give me a hug and is very lovey. I think this is because he has bought the bloody thing and is trying to win me over. But no, there is more to it. Turns out the bike is collection only from London. We live over a hundred miles from London. However, I work there. He wants me to collect it from a suburb it will take about 40 minutes to get to after work and then somehow I have to get it back to the mainline train station and then in my car at the other end. I told him to get his own fecking bike.

His reply to me was that I was being totally unreasonable and he bet that if he was on something like mumsnet and asked everyone would agree, so I told him I would ask. If you lot tell me IABU, I will go and get the damn thing. If not, he is on his own. So, am I?

OP posts:
DeepRedBetty · 18/06/2013 13:41

I make it 115 for yanbu and 2 for yabu.

Also three LTBs for good measure.

I think The Voice of The Viper's Nest has spoken.

kotinka · 18/06/2013 13:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DeepRedBetty · 18/06/2013 13:43

And one of the yabu's is actually a yanbu if you read it carefully. (ilovexmastime)

MarinaIvy · 18/06/2013 13:46

Ooh, Goosey, red flags are a'flying:

DH lives in a universe where he is always the calm voice of reason and I am some totally unyielding mad woman who won't comply with the most reasonable of requests.

^^
Tortoise speaks wise words. This latest (Unreasonable, for the sake of perfect clarity - that's my vote) request is the tip of the iceberg.

Any update? Has DH given you his thoughts on the voting thus far?

onedev · 18/06/2013 13:46

YANBU

missuswife · 18/06/2013 13:46

YABU to say that his hobby is sad. YANBU to refuse to collect the bike. He should have discussed it with you before he bought it.

GooseyLoosey · 18/06/2013 13:47

I'm glad there were some votes for DH, I think he felt rather attacked when he read the thread. When he asked what "LTB" stood for, I helpfully explained it was "leave the bike" - don't think he would have appreciated the humour of the alternative!

OP posts:
DeepRedBetty · 18/06/2013 13:54

Grin Leave The Bike.

MadBusLady · 18/06/2013 14:20

I make that three new t-shirt designs then - Queen of Not Being Unreasonable, Leave the Bike and Rusty-Piece-of-Crap Fairy.

Lweji · 18/06/2013 14:23

YANBU

HTH :)

Seriously, HIBU

And LOL at leave the bike.

Lweji · 18/06/2013 14:28

wish he would obsess over something smaller and easier to store - stamps perhaps.

Also, they would be easier to post. Wink

PearlyWhites · 18/06/2013 14:55

Lily I would ask my dh yes but not a friend as its a big deal.

Abzs · 18/06/2013 15:25

I take it he ascribes to the x=n+1 theory, where n is the number of bikes in your stable and x is the number you would like.

However, he seems to be in danger of falling foul of the variation x=n-1
where n is the number of bikes that would cause your partner to leave you.

HIBU. He needs to pick it up himself or arrange a courier. And sell or scrap some of the others.

FryOneFatManic · 18/06/2013 15:43

Pearly, would you arrange to buy something like this and only then ask for your OH to collect it? The DH in the OP didn't even have the decency to ask before going ahead and buying the bike.

pinkyredrose · 18/06/2013 15:46

Abzs Grin loving your mathematical take on it!

StuntGirl · 18/06/2013 16:04

He is so beyond unreasonable that it is a mere tiny dot in the diatance to him. In fact I'm pretty sure he just drove right on through the station marked 'Unreasonable' and is in some unknown territory beyond that.

He needs to sell some of his 'collection', if only to recoup costs and reclaim some space. I'd also go through the budget and work out what he can afford to spend each month on his hobby. He's behaving like an over excited child and its unfair that you have to put up and shut up.

Abzs · 18/06/2013 16:42

I can't take credit for it pinkyredrose. I got it from the Cycle Touring Club forums.

WhereYouLeftIt · 18/06/2013 18:15

Hugely unreasonable request from MrGooseyLoosey, for all the reasons already stated.

MrGooseyLoosey - a word, please. 23 bikes, none of the restored, none of them fit to ride, deteriorating away in the loft and other sad spaces. WTF? (Please translate for him, OP). My beloved loves his bikes; the ones he rides, the ones he designed and built for himself, the one he restored and sold for a handsome profit on eBay, the ones he works with. The state of your bikes would make him cry. Hang your head in shame Sir, for you do not love your bikes if you continue to treat them so. Pick a bike from the 23. Since you bought this latest bike for the cranks, cannibalise them onto your chosen bike and send the rest to the scrapyard. Go through them all in the same way. Restore the chosen one to its former glory. Don't keep them this way, mouldering away, never to be ridden again. Or one thing is for sure - you may think that you love your bikes, but THEY know for sure that they don't love you.

TheDoctrineOfAllan · 18/06/2013 18:25

Stunt girl Flowers

RenterNomad · 18/06/2013 20:11

How does DH know that evening would be a convenient time for the bike to be picked up?

After all, it could be a family with young DC, finally clearing the detritus of a hobby (presumably the eBay description was written by the hobbyist, to have been so alluring!). Would they wait hours for a pickup?

or perhaps they WOULD stay up, till crack of doom, to get rid of the damned thing, thinking themselves lucky?!

Tortoiseonthehalfshell · 19/06/2013 00:46

I am SO going on all the relationship AIBUs to tell people to Leave The Bike from now on.

quoteunquote · 19/06/2013 01:41

Invite this guy round to see if he will buy any

He needs a workshop, I have a huge workshop, it's full to the gills (architectural salvage and vintage furniture) , many people would love to get in and buy stuff,

i only sell items when I have found something better and I need space, or I upgrade to a larger workshop.

complexnumber · 19/06/2013 03:42

Would he do something similar for you?

If you know he would, then YABU.

If not, then YANBU

ChippingInWiredOnCoffee · 19/06/2013 05:08

I don't understand why people are banging on about bikes not being allowed on the trains during peak hours?

By the time she has traipsed to a London suburb (min 40 mins) walked to the house/found the house (god knows how long), spoken to the sellers (who will be only too pleased to pass on their knowledge about the bikes history - these people always are) and traipsed a hunking lump of rusting metal with no/flat tyres, got the train back to London -.... peak hours will be a dim distant memory.

OPDH - stop being a knob and drive up at the weekend.

Chickentikkaricepudding · 19/06/2013 05:12

Are you being unreasonable in refusing to do your husband a favour?

Yes you are.

Your poor DH has a hobby that makes him happy. It might seem pointless or geeky to some, but it makes him happy, and isn't doing anyone any harm. Certainly it's more virtuous than spitting venom on the Internet at some poor man who has done nothing wrong, other than assuming he would get a vote of confidence on Mumsnet, which is akin to a weedy kid asking the school bully to be the objective arbiter of whether he gets punched in the face at break-time.

So do him a favour, and go get the bike. Mumsnet will wait till you get back. You could then even post a picture of said bike on here so you and everyone above can continue to hiss and cackle merrily. That way he gets to enjoy his hobby, and you get to enjoy yours.

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