To be a bit worried, or should I mind my own business?

[LittleMissGerardButlerfan]

I am fully prepared to be told to mind my own business, but I just wanted to ask to check as its bothering me.

There is a boy in my sons school who has ADHD, he is 6, soon be 7.

I have known the family for almost 4 years. I have heard things before from the family that made me a bit but its the fact that the mum doesn't seem to either know how to handle it, or doesn't care.

Examples are he has run across the road outside school lots of times, but she still won't make him hold her hand, I was going to mention it to school but someone else did.

There have been others but then I heard that he let himself out the house and opened the car by himself without anyone noticing (this has happened before but as a one off I didn't think too much about it).

I have talked to them in the past about hiding keys etc to make it as difficult as possible after all kids do things they shouldn't! Noone is perfect.

I am just wondering if its worth speaking to school, I know it must be hard for the mum but I think if things keep happening if nothing else she needs support so she knows what to do.

I don't want to seen like I am interfering but likewise I don't want to do nothing as something doesn't feel right.

So Aibu to be concerned? Or should I follow my instinct? I wouldn't go round talking to others or anything, just the school as I don't want to stir things up, but I just have a feeling all isn't right if you know what I mean?

I'd leave it well aone, you have no idea what goes on with a child with ADHD, they can't be watched all the time.

I think it's very easy to judge on a few isloated incidents, she could have been on the loo/phone/dishing out dinner when these things happened, you can't make a 7 yo hold you hand of they don't want too!

The way you could help is being less judgey and if he runs across the road again, don't watch, help. Invite her and him over for a playdate and be a nice listening ear not a tell-tail to school, and most important of all do not listen to gossip in the playground which you have "I have heard things before....."

School will be aware of his issues and will be working with the parents and that is all you need to know. I can not think of anything worse of a groups of parents making up their own minds about what goes on in someone else's house with a child with ADHD.

So give her support and start by not standing around wondering how best to interfere - what do you hope to gain by that? All this stuff that you think you know - how exactly DO you know it? Gossip? I do hope not - as grants says there really is nothing worse than a bunch of playground mums tutting and fussing and wondering what to do (aka gossiping!).

I know a little boy with ADHD and his Mum is permanently exhausted keeping him safe. If you want to help, get to know her and invite for playdates etc. You can't really judge from a few incidences. The boy I know is like an 24 month old with the body of a 7 year old. It's hard to scoop him up, strap him in a buggy, stop him from climbing up to get things that are 'safely out of reach'. He sleeps very little and she rarely gets a break although she has supportive DP and family he is so hard to mind.

Listen, I have a friend who had a dd age 10 with ADHD. She is quite capable, and has done so, of going down during the night, climbing on the kitchensurface to reach the safe key (which her dm didn't know that she knew was there) to get the spare keys out (her dm sleeps with the others under the pillow so she can't get them) and going out to play at 3am.

Or finding her dm's purse (hidden from her in the bottom of the drawer) and deciding to eat the money.

Or the time she couldn't find the keys to get out so she climbed out of the bathroom window (the one which isn't locked because dm thought it would be too small to get out of) and onto the garage room, down the drainpipe and set off for the playground-at 5am.

I have talked to them in the past about hiding keys etc to make it as difficult as possible after all kids do things they shouldn't! If you did that to her dm she would probably burst into tears and feel a terrible mum, though probably not in front of you.
You sound very "I know best"-you don't know that she isn't hiding keys etc.

Poor women, sounds relentless. She could do with some support. It doesn't sound like she is wilfully neglecting his bed, rather she is struggling to meet the demands of caring for him and coping with his special needs.

I think its good of you to care OP & kind of you to want to help them.

However like others have said its easy to get the wrong end of the stick when you only see part of a situation.

By all means mention it to school, just don't give examples that you don't know to be correct or are hearsay. At ds's school there is a poster with a helpline number on that you can call if you feel worried about a child. Perhaps look for something similar?

I shall just leave it alone then, the examples are all from her, and I have not talked to anyone else. I have tried to offer her support, and it was her who mentioned the keys n

Oops.,..

Her who mentioned the keys not me.

Yes I have tried helping before with her, and I genuinely want to help which is why I asked here, I don't want to be judgey and yes I have no idea, and I don't know best, I know that.

I just wanted to help if I could but I shall leave well alone then.

I can't do a play date as him and my son don't get on at all, I met up with her during the day before but she works now so I can't.

I wasn't trying to be judgey but that must be how I've come across.

I had a gorgeous little boy in care with us from newborn until he was 8. He was diagnosed with ADHD at 5. We lived near the school & I am sure people saw him run across the road. When he took off there was no catching him, if he didn't want to hold your hand there really was no making him. I used a wrist strap when out & about if I couldn't convince him to hold hands. I would suggest leaving this situation alone, it is impossible to really know what this family is coping with & what things they have tried. When my DS decided to run if you tried to hold or catch him he would deliberately run into the road. It can be soul destroying to hear peoples judgement when you know you really are trying.