A close df of mine went to see another, mutual and close df of ours recently. Mutual df has been having family problems; husband being a twat and tween dd being mean and she feels that sometimes they both gang up on her. She also has a younger dd. Mutual df was not herself, seemed quite broken, vulnerable and had low self esteem.
I felt that 1st friend, although had good intentions, was being too interfering. She first of all began lecturing the smaller dd, who was being a bit of a madam (but not excessively rude imo), on how she should have more respect. She had already lectured mutual df that she needs to put her foot down more, and specific steps she should take in order to rectify her relationship with her kids. This is very much df?s parenting style (strict/authoritarian) but as far as she is concerned it?s the right way/only way. Mutual friend, already feels like she is a ?shit mum? and I don?t think telling her where she is going wrong was particularly helpful, especially as I personally didn?t agree with all her advice.
Then we sat down to eat with rest of family. I just cringed at everything 1st df said at that dinner table. For example: We were talking about different food tastes and 1st df immediately tried to suggest that tween (who said she didn?t like her mum?s cooking but liked her dads) should then cook at least once a week (pinning her down to a day), and suggested that her dh should cook twice a week too. We talked about what tween dd wanted to do when she grew up, and 1st friend mentions something about how important it is to end up with a man who can bring at least an equal amount to the table, preferably more and how she still feels that men should look after women financially. I disagreed and so expressed my opinion on the matter. 1st Friend was not happy with being challenged and later spent an hour on the phone with me trying to convince me why she was right about this.
She made quite a few quips/comments/suggestions all aimed at mutual df?s dh and dd about how they need to step up. When they were out of the room, 1st df made a big hoo haa about how bad the situation was, which I didn?t feel was helpful for already overwhelmed df. Although I acknowledge there are problems, I feel there are also some ?normal? type family problems. I mentioned this to 1st friend afterwards, saying for example there is nothing so extraordinary/shocking about a tween not liking her mum?s cooking. She then immediately calls mutual friend, tells her I said this, and explains to mutual df that she can?t help but take her side because she cares about her so much (like I don?t? 
).
AIBU? I just don?t think you can walk into someone?s house, pretend to know their situation after an hours chat with one person from that family, and then set about trying to make actual changes! 1st friend is doing my head in, poking her nose in too far (instead of just supporting mutual df) and being quite controlling.