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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who is BU?

28 replies

sqigglywiggle · 15/06/2013 23:39

i was just mentioning to DH something me and DD did and he said "its nice to know you can be girly sometimes". I was a little confused and said that I always wear make up do hair etc so why wasnt I girly?
He refused to discuss and when I pressed stormed off and went to bed as apparently "you always do this"

Deep breaths - Im going to be in trouble tomorrow now.

OP posts:
pinkyredrose · 15/06/2013 23:45

What? I don't understand your post. In trouble for what?

AgentZigzag · 15/06/2013 23:46

Ooo blimey, there must be a lot going on for him to storm off and not even want to talk about it.

If he's not prepared to discuss it then why fucking bring it up??

And why lay a downer on you before stalking off to bed?

But to be fair, I can see how what you said could be taken as a bit of a starter for ten, like you were picking apart something he just said casually and turned it round to be him criticizing you.

Could you have done that a bit? Either because you've got a low self esteem, or you interpret the things he says through a shitty lens?

If you think you'll have trouble tomorrow, is he a sulker/punisher? How long will it go on for?

Original poster
sqigglywiggle · 15/06/2013 23:47

Because now i have started a fight so he will be telling me hes going to divorce me again by breakfasr.

OP posts:
itsmyturnnow · 15/06/2013 23:48

I bet he probably didn't really mean anything by it, it was a throwaway comment, and then when you press him it feels to him like you're picking a fight and finding fault with him. Men!

I hope tomorrow is ok. xxxx

itsmyturnnow · 15/06/2013 23:48

Hmmm, just to add after your last post that if you can't have a fight without him threatening divorce then maybe there is a LOT more to all this than meets the eye!

pinkyredrose · 15/06/2013 23:51

Well he sounds a right catch Hmm

Does this happen often?

ThisIsMummyPig · 15/06/2013 23:51

Lots of women do their hair and wear make up, and then go out to do sensible careers - business, A&E whatever - you wouldn't be 'girly' in those settings.

I wonder if you there is confusion with 'girly' and unfeminine.

Maybe it was a comment on the activities you do with your DD - were you doing something different with her? I recently took DD1 shopping for the first time, we play together nicely most of the time, but we would class shopping as a 'girly' activity, whereas playing in the park isn't

DarkWinter · 15/06/2013 23:53

I'm a beauty editor - and I couldn't be any less fucking "girly" if I tried. Very much sounds like there is more to this than you are letting on OP. Good luck.

Original poster
sqigglywiggle · 15/06/2013 23:55

Hes always saying he wants to divorce me and that he only built the loft extension so he had a place to get away from me (not that he uses it). He says horrible stuff all the time but cant stand getting called on it or taking any himself. He has the worlds worst memory for stuff and will make stuff up as he thinks it was which really annoys me as i have a completely date /time type memory and can prove with photos and stuff but he will still belittle me.

OP posts:
AgentZigzag · 15/06/2013 23:58

I wear make up and do my hair, but arf at the thought of me being girly Grin

How do you normally react to his threats of divorce?

or ?

Original poster
sqigglywiggle · 15/06/2013 23:58

The "girly" thing i was doing with DD was rolling round giggling and pretending we were twins! No pinkness involved.

OP posts:
RinseAndRepeat · 15/06/2013 23:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ChippingInWiredOnCoffee · 16/06/2013 00:00

Why not divorce him? There's no way I'd put up with what you are putting up with.

AgentZigzag · 16/06/2013 00:02

Me and DH have similar memories, his is the shit one Grin

But he'd never try to belittle/humiliate/hurt/game play with me, and there's no way I could stand living with someone who I knew thought so little of me to do that.

It's spiteful and petty, and you have to wonder about a person who gets off on needling someone they're supposed to love.

Do you go ballistic when he pulls this kind of shite?

LaurieFairyCake · 16/06/2013 00:04

Ltb

There's just no need to put up with this shit

AgentZigzag · 16/06/2013 00:04

Calling his bluff was the first thing I thought of reading about the divorce threats.

'Go on then, make my day.'

BuntyPenfold · 16/06/2013 00:06

he sounds a right dick quite honestly.

Hopasholic · 16/06/2013 00:07

Well I'd just be: 'ok then you see a solicitor on Monday, I'll see one Tuesday'.

End of.

Threats are horrible, nasty and really a meaningless way of getting you to tow the line. Call his bluff and tell him to fuck off.

BriansBrain · 16/06/2013 00:11

It's Father's Day.

Are you going to do the card thing in the morning or not bother because he is going to divorce you anyhoo.

Do you have time for him being a gas lighting arse?

Original poster
sqigglywiggle · 16/06/2013 00:12

Thank you. I know i can be hard work sometimes but the last year has been so stressful with his "needing attention" amongst other things. Hes perfect by the way in his eyes so no chance if reasoning. Off to bed now..... Our room or spare??

OP posts:
BuntyPenfold · 16/06/2013 00:15

Why are you wasting your life on him?

RinseAndRepeat · 16/06/2013 00:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Seriously2712 · 16/06/2013 00:17

Had you both had a drink??????

AgentZigzag · 16/06/2013 00:19

Where would you normally go?

I'd go to the spare room myself, just because I wouldn't want any misunderstandings, with him thinking I was OK being treated like shit.

Did he flounce a bit when he went out of the room squiggly?

Was there a dramatic flourish in getting up, maybe a door slam, stamp noisily up the stairs?

AgentZigzag · 16/06/2013 00:20

Are there any reasons you can see for his extra neediness in this last year?