To think my best friends mum is being a bigoted twat

[AmadeusRocks]

My best friend is a lesbian and is the non biological mother of a gorgeous 9 month old girl. Her and the biological mother have been in a relationship for over 5 years and they had a CP 2 years ago, their baby was very much wanted by both of them and they may well have another.

The problem is BF's mother is not particularly interested in the baby as, to quote "it is not my biological grandchild", she also corrects my BF saying "no she's your partner" every time BF refers to her OH as "wife". BF is like a sister to me, I have known her since we were 4 and I always thought her mother was like an aunt to me, however this attitude is really beginning to grate on me as I can see how much it upsets my friend and her partner.

I will also point out that BF's brother and his wife adopted three years ago and the mother has no problem at all with this child.

So is she being unreasonable to react like this?
Is she being unreasonable to disagree with my BF saying "wife" instead of partner?
And AIBU to avoid her for the foreseeable future?

If you don't want to see her any more, and you are not U in this, why not tell her why.

"BF's DM, you have always been like family to me. When you refer to BF's wife as partner and won't acknowledge their child it makes me really sad. If you did acknowledge them as family it would make me so happy."

She might be shocked to hear a calm, reasonable voice saying that she is behaving badly.

No there's nothing you can do here. This is between your friend and her mother and not your business.

Just be there for your friend.

I think your friends mum is being a twat but I'm not sure that you getting involved and falling out with her mum will make your friends life any easier. If I were you I think I'd just try to be there for my friend and support her however she needs you to.

She is being unreasonably to treat an adopted child as her own but not your BFs child. The other child isn't biological either so whats the difference? Oh right, the adopted child is being brought up by a man and woman, not 2 women.

As in this case, biology counts for fuck all doesn't it! Is your BF not her flesh and blood!

Sounds like she is struggling to deal with her DDs sexuality. It doesn't sound like its something that is going to change in a hurry so YANBU to avoid her. Are you prepared to tell her why if she asks?

YANBU. She is being a bigoted twat. I feel very sorry for your BF as well, how awful that her mother is refusing to accept her as she is - which is pretty much what it boils down to. :(

It seems the mother being snippy, but on both points she is technically correct, the child isn't her biological grandchild and her daughter and her partner have a civil partnership, so are partners rather than wives.

I'm not saying she is being fair or inclusive and I certainly don't share her views, but whilst you can define your relations with your partner/spouse in any way you wish, you can't force everyone to share these definitions.

Stay well clear you would be entering a field of semantic and emotional landmines.