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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think a man of 34 should be able to go for a few drinks without getting completely wankered?

38 replies

Fraggle3112 · 15/06/2013 03:31

H went out tonight for a friends 'local' stag do (there was an 'away' stag weekend in May which H also attended). It was supposed to be a quiet night with a nice meal followed by a few drinks, I went to the hen equivalent last week (which incidentally was my first night out since having DS 6 month ago) and was a bit tiddly but perfectly fine and was at home in bed by midnight.

H has just arrived home at 3am practically unable to walk, woke up DS and been sick all over the bathroom floor which I found and had to clean after settling the baby. He is usually very helpful etc and doesn't go out often but when he does he returns in this state.

Needless to say his hangover will pale in significance next to the earache I will be giving him in the morning. But as i am shattered and pissed off i may be over reacting so AIBU to expect him to be able to have just a few drinks or do I need to relax and let it go?

OP posts:
MusicalEndorphins · 15/06/2013 03:37

Depends. How often had this happened since you have known him?

MusicalEndorphins · 15/06/2013 03:38

*has

Mixxy · 15/06/2013 03:43

YANBU. He's 34, not 24. And he's a father now. Of course it isn't just that he woke the baby and made you clean up puke at 3am, its that he will be in no condition to help with baby or around the house tomorrow. So in actuality, a night out for him is 2 nights and a day responsibilty free, with you playing Mum to two. Tell him to grow up.

amazingmumof6 · 15/06/2013 04:00

ffs it was a stag do!

it's unfortunate he woke up DS and was sick, but I would cut him some slack.

DH rarely gets drunk anymore, bur if he does he knows he'd have to sleep on the sofa as to avoid waking anyone up. (and not as a punishment!)

if you are jealous that he was able to do as he pleased - and I'm NOT saying you are! - or if you just fancy a brake why don't you organize for you to have an irresponsible night out?
I would, much better than sulking - and I know this from experience! Wink

Mixxy · 15/06/2013 04:04

Really amazing? You think a 34 year old man should be drinking until he pukes? Its a stag night, not Rag Week.

FeegleFion · 15/06/2013 04:19

OP, YANBU to be pissed off but this isn't a regular occurrence.

Yes, a man of his age should be able to have a night out without getting into that state but it's done now and quite frankly, it's not worth upsetting yourself over any more than you already have.

I really can imagine how annoyed you must be, as I have a 6 month old, DS and if you're not getting much down time you'll be exhausted.

I'd say, let him know he's a dick and out of order but don't drag it out.

Give yourself a break and make time for yourself.

amazingmumof6 · 15/06/2013 04:35

mixxy I didn't say he SHOULD, but so what if he did?

if it was every weekend I'd be pissed off too, but once in a blue moon it's not a big deal.

RainbowConnections · 15/06/2013 04:54

OP YANBU to be feeling annoyed about as it will wipe out half your weekend and you're probably shattered. And even if its only occassionally it still, IMO, is not how a night out should happen when you are 34 with a child.

If it helps though my DH figured this for himself at pretty much the same stage you are both at. Realised that he couldnt hold his drink/recover like a 20 something, and hangovers and babies dont work. He's much more sensible when he has a night out now.

My top tip though is that if you get a night out, you get to be "off duty" and have a lie in the next morning. Otherwise being out late isnt fun with a little one. As long as you both have nights out of course. This works well for us, DS is 3 now.

If it was me I would let him sleep it off till lunchtime tomorrow. Its done, and he's going to be feeling rubbish. Anything else will be miserable for both of you.

amazingmumof6 · 15/06/2013 05:00

in fact I hazard a guess that if OP's DH doesn't go out drinking often/anyomre he probably got that drunk simply because he over did it, not realizing what his limit was.

it happens, so I'm on the fence wether OP is reasonable ir not.

Mixxy · 15/06/2013 05:14

Perhaps I just don't think one should be totally cool with having to mop up the vomit of a 34 who drank himself into that state. Nor do I think the behaviour will change without prompting.

amazingmumof6 · 15/06/2013 05:15

I would not clean up his vomit.

Mixxy · 15/06/2013 05:24

Leave it for the morning? Bit passive aggressive.

I can see leaving your DH out till all hours once in a while and a few hours down the pub a couple times a week, but coming back in that condition? And guess who'll be feeling sorry himself in the morning? A hangover is not its own punishment as the OP will still be picking up his slack tomorrow after cleaning up afterhim late night.

trice · 15/06/2013 05:25

I think you should pop to the shops tomorrow lunchtime leaving him in charge of the baby. It will be a learning experience for him.

k2togm1 · 15/06/2013 05:28

I wouldn't have cleaned the vomit (passive aggressive? Me?...)
Def nbu.

amazingmumof6 · 15/06/2013 05:36

btw my DH rarely gets drunk.
say once a year.
if that.

he never sets out to get drunk, so it's a dumb mistake of accidentally overdoing it rather than a deliberate offence!
and HE suffers from it way worse when it happens, so although I'm not sympathetic the next day I don't see the point of getting angry about it!

we have 6 kids. he's 40. he is a fantastic dad and husband, but none of that means he is never allowed to make a mistake!

I only presume OP's DH is similar, but if OP's situation is way worse maybe she should talk about it with her DH.

sorry, based on the title post it's still a "?" from me.
(and I'm a pretty decisive person!)

Mixxy · 15/06/2013 05:40

I think this could be the OP first baby (I could be wrong). Seems as if DH didnt get the memo about a lifestyle change.

I think leavong the vomit is a bit passive aggresssive, but I'm a bit anal about cleaning, that could be just me.

amazingmumof6 · 15/06/2013 05:53

maybe it is passive aggressive, maybe it isn't.

I don't see why I should clean up after him when his being sick is self-induced. he's capable to clean up!

on the other hand he was once really ill, had D&V for 4 days and I had to clean & wash stuff more frequently than usual & change sheets and towels daily.
DS3 was 6 days old, his brothets were only 3.5 and 1.5 years old. and it was the run up to Christmas.
it was fucking awful.
I'd rather choose a drunken night, but I managed.

all I'm saying is shit happens, move on

Mixxy · 15/06/2013 06:09

I guess its a question of how often this shit happens and how much shit you are willing to put up with. Being ill is different to drinking yourself sick.

Longdistance · 15/06/2013 06:14

Yanbu.

My dh is 41 and regularly gets pissed. But never sick. I would have left the puke for him to clean, as we have two bathrooms.
I don't think he'd be in a fit state to look after the baby at all. I've had my fair share of idiot dh going for a few, and he's come home as drunk as a skunk.
You have all my sympathies on this, as he's not gonna be any use to you today.

Original poster
Fraggle3112 · 15/06/2013 06:31

Thanks for all your comments! I think I'm just gonna leave him in bed to sleep it off and talk to him later. he was supposed to be looking after DS this afternoon while I went out for lunch but I will just take him with me! I agree he probably just over done it because he doesn't drink often now but he was on the stag weekend away a few week ago so should have had his blow out then!

amazing I'm definitely not jealous, had 4 drinks last weekend after over a year of not drinking and although I wasn't drunk I felt awful the next day! Haha!

OP posts:
bakingaddict · 15/06/2013 06:37

I think amazingmum has a very good point....once you have a new baby and are generally sleep deprived it's very easy to overestimate how much your able to drink and handle.

I remember me and DH got really drunk at a friend's party when DS was a baby. Luckily DS was staying at the PIL, but the next day when we went to pick him up we had to go for a couple of hours lie down before took him home. It's very easy to get caught up in the moment and drink like your student days. If it doesn't happen that regularly then let it go, he's been an arse for sure but put on your best martyr face all day so come Sunday he's up with the baby and gives you a well deserved rest

Mixxy · 15/06/2013 06:41

Taking the baby with you is the safe option, but it totally gives your husband what he wants-responsibilty-free time to recover from a self-inflicted wound. I'd still be really irked.

He does double duty next weekend. All day and night with the baby while you get hair and nails done before dinner out.

Don't make a big punitive deal out of it. But what is good for the goose is good for the gander.

SpooMoo · 15/06/2013 06:49

With any luck he'll wake up and fell like a right tit and grovel for forgiveness. My 34yo DH did almost this a couple of months ago (similar scenario - back at 2am plastered, 6mo baby I'd had to deal with all evening). On the Saturday I had to let him sleep it off and had no sympathy for the hangover, on the Sunday he resolved never to drink again. He's only been that twice 3 times since we've been together (years!). His colleagues just kept voting drinks and back at someone's house they were making cocktails, he felt he couldn't say no to save face... It's not OK but hopefully he'll realise that.

cortado · 15/06/2013 06:50

Yanbu its pretty pathetic for anybody over student age to drink so much they lose control of their bodily functions.

Original poster
Fraggle3112 · 15/06/2013 06:51

mixy as it turns out I'm away next Saturday going to a concert so he is on baby duty but today was meant to be a practice. he's not really looked after DS by him self because I am breast feeding and DS wouldn't take a bottle so I've not left him for more than an hour really! But I've finally got him drinking from his cup! I can't leave him when H is hungover I won't settle on the plus side my friends will be pleased to see the baby and he won't be short of attention!

OP posts:
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