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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not cook a meal for kids for three days?

21 replies

Monty27 · 14/06/2013 21:39

When I say kids, they are older teens. I work full time and commute daily.

I had 24 hrs notice of dd coming home from uni on Wednesday so we got a takeaway on Wednesday night when I got in, she was in a couple of hours before me, I'd had a really heavy day at work in preparation for a really heavy meeting Thursday. I hadn't much shopping in so the next night after work Thursday eve I went shopping locally picked up some fresh bread and rolls and stuff and some snacky stuff.

They are both at home all day and more than capable of cooking while I'm working. So I came in tonight (about 6pm) exhausted and they've asked me what I'm doing for dinner at 8pm. I had made an assumption they'd fed themselves.

AIBU to reply that dinner is what they want to cook?

OP posts:

CocktailQueen · 14/06/2013 21:41

Do they cook, can they cook, have they cooked for you at home before, did you ask them to get their own food? If so, yanbu, if not, yabu!

Original poster

Monty27 · 14/06/2013 21:54

Yes they cook for themselves and occasionally have cooked for me. Dd is a better cook than me in fact. She cooked Christmas dinner beautifully. She can even bake cakes. Ds can do stuff like bolognes, wraps, and chicken and cheese wrapped in bacon (he loves that), so yes they are more than capable.

I didn't make it clear that I wasn't cooking I sort of assumed they'd sort something out. There's plenty of scope in the cupboards, fridge and freezer.

OP posts:

marriedinwhiteagain · 14/06/2013 21:55

No, not that bad. We have older teens 18 and 15. We have a lot of hurry meals: tonight they had smoked salmon, prawns and a niCe salad with good bread. No cooking at all. They are more than capable of picking up a warm chicken, salad bowl, coleslaw and tray of new pots for the micro from sainos up the road. They like it if I leave the money. Both can use the micro and turn on the oven. DS makes a mean spag bol, risotto and omoette.

Original poster

Monty27 · 14/06/2013 21:56

Forgot to say I'm a single parent and not young, hence why I'm exhausted, neither contribute financially as they are studying, I help them as much as I can muster financially and work full time and keep a nice home for them, they always have a clean house, bedding, clothing.

I'm fed up aren't I? :(

I wasn't even hungry I was so tired, I just expected them to see to themselves.

OP posts:

teenagetantrums · 14/06/2013 21:58

My Ds got up yesterday afternoon and asked me to cook him and his friend breakfast, I laughed. Yanbu but I think you will have to point it out to them, leave them a note before you go to work tell them what's for dinner and ask them to make it. I have made the dinner my DD requested for the last two nights as she has been doing exams and is working hard last night she wasn't hungry, tonight she has just texted me to say she is sleeping at her friends im on strike for the next week they can make their own food..

Original poster

Monty27 · 14/06/2013 21:58

Married phew! Don't feel so bad now. Mine are almost 20 and almost 18 grrrr.

They are more than capable.

OP posts:

wheredidiputit · 14/06/2013 22:00

YANBU.

I think it time for you to come up with a rota for cooking dinner.

I used to start cooking dinner for my family from about 13 as both parents worked fulltime, so dinner would be ready for when everyone was home from work/school.

Original poster

Monty27 · 14/06/2013 22:00

Teen ds tries that with me, he does his own, bacon or whatever he fancies. There's always food there.

OP posts:

wombatcheese · 14/06/2013 22:01

If they are home all day while you work YABU not to have asked them to sort dinner for you all!

Original poster

Monty27 · 14/06/2013 22:10

Wombat I think that was my downfall

Dd has just got back from Uni short notic, I was disorganised. However, there is actually fresh bread, ham, eggs, cheese in the fridge and home cooked chilli, steak casserole, chicken curry, italian meatballs etc in the freezer, I should have taken something out for dinner. .

There's also pizza and orange food (best quality ). No need for me to be harangued at 8pm about what's for dinner.

I think I just need to clarify the cooking thing for the future.

OP posts:

teenagetantrums · 14/06/2013 22:11

Its going to be long bloody summer, DD has last exam today so shes done until September and son has decided to drop out of college, they will be eating me out of house and home, unless they can get jobs soon so I sympathise with you Monty. x

Original poster

Monty27 · 14/06/2013 22:23

Thank you Teen I feel you're pain. It's only been 3 days since dd got back .

Oh and when they say there's no food, what they mean is no; biscuits, chocolate stuff, sweets, crisps....

OMG not looking forward to this.

there'll be words, I'm too knackered tonight to do it.

OP posts:

SueDoku · 14/06/2013 22:31

Put your feet up, have a and then get a - reasonably - early night. Tomorrow is another day, and then you can have that talk - and draw up a rota for who is cooking which evenings..!

cozietoesie · 14/06/2013 22:33

They're possibly at that in-between stage when they've stopped seeing the house and all its contents (including food) as theirs but aren't yet sure enough to ask you what they should do. Sort of semi-kids but semi-guests.

I wouldn't make a big deal of it. Just tell them that they can help themselves to the fridge to make their supper and if they feel like it, could they make an extra portion for you to heat up if they're doing something from scratch. They should get the message.

Original poster

Monty27 · 06/09/2013 23:29

re-inventing thread. I thought I'd made my point, but no, I got it tonight again, and on a Friday

I'm exhausted.

There was quick frying steak, plenty of salad, pasta, blah blah, (and dirty food as I call it, eggs, bacon, beans etc).

But no, dd wanted me to cook dinner. She's been home all day, she's 20. :(

I didn't

OP posts:

Silverfoxballs · 06/09/2013 23:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

marriedinwhiteisback · 07/09/2013 00:37

Wait 'til she taps you for £20. Make it painful and enjoy :). You have my permission to shout but wine and closed eyes are more constructive.

MaBumble · 07/09/2013 02:56

my stock in trade answer to 'What's for dinner' is

'Whatever your little heart desires' And point to the fridge.

Then sit down and ask for a cup of tea because I'm knackered.

kmc1111 · 07/09/2013 03:40

This. When I'd come home from uni I very much felt like a guest in someone else's home, not quite sure what to do with myself. I felt like I'd be in the wrong if I just sorted my own meal and left mum to eat by herself, but I didn't want to presume by cooking something for both of us in case she had other plans/wanted something different. And I felt weird about helping myself to the food. Everything was just so awkward so I'd often wait for her to suggest something so I knew I wasn't making a nuisance of myself.

Just tell them that they can help themselves to whatever is in the house but they need to cook their own meals, because you won't be doing it. If they're still annoying you after that, then they're just being lazy.

Misspixietrix · 07/09/2013 07:48

What ^Kmc said. Make it clear you're busy etc although it seems you already have. My Stock response in Future would be "Whatever you have cooked or lack thereof". I think they're probably just wanting a bit of Mum If that makes sense? Just make sure they know Mum Wont bedoing it everyday :)

LustyBusty · 07/09/2013 08:00

I agree with what pp said re awkward not home/not guest thing... My mum was always short of money and so meal planned to the last lentil. I never knew what she had planned, and didn't want to ruin the meal plan by cooking something else, so tended to wait. (Especially because evil wanker bastard stepdad wouldn't have thanked me for cooking, just bollocked me for using the wrong food.) when they split up and mum moved house I was at uni. The first holiday I came "home" (to a house I'd never "lived" in!) I worked nights. I sat down with mum and we spilt the household jobs (like a house share). She hoovered, I did bathroom, I loaded and set off washing mashing when I got in from work at 3am, she hung it out when she got up. She shopped and drew up a meal plan. If there was something else I wanted, I bought it myself. I cooked dinner, she washed up. Maybe this could be something to discuss with your kids? Certainly at 20, saying "I was planning in having X for dinner tomorrow night, can you cook it in time for me getting home at 8 please? And if you don't want that, please cook it for me anyway, and you know where the shops are...!" Wouldn't be unreasonable.

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