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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Aibu or is work

16 replies

Broodymomma · 14/06/2013 20:00

Help! Have posted in employment issues but not much traffic there.

Have been signed off work for 4 weeks with stress. No previous sickness issues and have worked there 14 years. Employed has contacted me suggesting it would be more appropriate for me to take unpaid leave as oppose to a doctors line for stress. I am not one generally to go sick but the situation I am in at them moment has left me utterly stressed out and having a lot of anxiety.

Aibu to decline unpaid leave when I have a valid line from the doc?

OP posts:

cortado · 14/06/2013 20:03

No of course not.

Original poster

Broodymomma · 14/06/2013 20:04

Can they enforce it?

OP posts:

attheendoftheday · 14/06/2013 20:05

Of course YANBU, they are, and you'd be an idiot to do what they ask.

DizzyPurple · 14/06/2013 20:05

No. Are they worried because they are causing the stress? Why should not not get paid, you are ill! Politely decline..

ChestyNut · 14/06/2013 20:06

No no no!

YANBU

SauvignonBlanche · 14/06/2013 20:08

YANBU, just say thanks, but 'no thanks'.

Original poster

Broodymomma · 14/06/2013 20:10

No it's not them I love my job. My mum is in hospital and I have suddenly became the sole carer for my father who has dementia and Parkinson's. it's been awful as she got called in for a transplant we have been waiting on for 7 years and its been very touch and go with the organ. My nerves are shot and caring for my dad has really taken its toll.
My mum is normally his full time carer and being an only child there is nobody else to help. I am living on my nerves as he has a accident whilst in my care and ended up admitted to hospital also the past few weeks have just been one long roller coaster on my nerves and emotions. I seriously could not mange to perform at work right now.

OP posts:

LittleprincessinGOLDrocks · 14/06/2013 20:10

YANBU - you have a sick note and you are well within your rights to use it.
Hope you're feeling better soon x

LittleprincessinGOLDrocks · 14/06/2013 20:11

Ah just seen your post. Would carers leave not apply here?

MisForMumNotMaid · 14/06/2013 20:14

YANBU.

If its not to invasive of your situation can I suggest you start another thread about getting access to council daycare support for your father and maybe even home visits as well. I'm guessing that your mum is not going to be up to being full time carer as soon as she's out of hospital.

Wishing you all well.

Original poster

Broodymomma · 14/06/2013 20:16

I did ask as I have only had 2 days carer leave ever but they did not respond so in order to keep things right time wise as I had been off a week I went to the doctor as I really did feel unable to work mentally. I just don't need this right now on top of everything else. I'm not sleeping as I'm panicking he will fall out of bed or get up and fall downstairs. Also trying to fit everything round keeping things as normal as possible for ds who is 6.

Just annoyed as I'm a bloody good worker and have done over 40 shifts for them in a job higher paid than mine with no extra pay in order to help them out.

Just not sure where I stand legally.

OP posts:

Original poster

Broodymomma · 14/06/2013 20:18

Thanks for that suggestion. He normally goes to a club on a Monday but he is refusing to go as he has had a real fright with this last fall he had and is not settled unless he is with me or mum. Long term we absolutely have to look at it but I just need to get us through these next few weeks

OP posts:

jammiedonut · 14/06/2013 20:45

If your doctor has signed you off and you've worked the appropriate time to be eligible for sick pay then you have a right to claim it when you need it. I think after a certain period they can request access to your medical records but as long as they state your are signed off for stress you'll be fine. Many employers unfortunately don't see stress as a 'real' issue because there is no physical indicator that you are unwell. If you'd broken your leg they wouldn't expect you to take unpaid leave so I fail to see how this is different. My dh had a lot of issues when he was struggling with work-related stress/ depression, you just have to stand your ground. Have you got evidence of what they've asked? I'd stick to email/ written correspondence from now on as it's very shady territory that they're in.

jammiedonut · 14/06/2013 20:46

*I don't work in hr, hopefully someone will be along with more advice, but have just been through a similar situation. . .

Absolutmum · 14/06/2013 20:57

Does your employer have a sickness absence policy? Check the details about timings for sick pay.
Your employer cannot force you to take unpaid leave unless you've used up all your sick pay - unlikely by the sound of it.
Do you have access to an occupational health advisor?

inabeautifulplace · 14/06/2013 21:11

I think your employer is being unreasonable. I guess their line of thinking is that you aren't suffering from work related stress so it's not their responsibility. Or they think you're not stressed at all, merely needing time off for family.

As above, I would decline their advice, together with subtly ensuring that you had a copy of all correspondence. To me, this smacks of someone ignorant of the law getting a bit uppity about a key member of staff being away for a month. Play it smart and hopefully it'll blow over.

Hope your parents are ok and life gets better for you soon.

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